Mystical Morn...The Storm Has Passed: Series Three of Six

I awakened this morning to the sound of rain hitting the tin roof of the cabin at 6 am.  I looked out the glass doors from my bed and there was a mystical, enamored look outside where I could only see the outline of the tall dark trees which was surrounded by fog.  My view of the five mountain ranges was obscured and engulfed by the fog.  I no longer could see into Mt. Storm where the red lights flashed on the mountain range of the 132 wind farm turbines.  I wondered what this could possibly mean.  Since I arrived at the cabin, I have been mesmerized by the mountain range and the red flashing lights at night.

I then heard a voice that said, "The storm has passed.  It is finished and it is done.  It is now in the past and no longer will you look behind you.  Move on, press forward and look to the new that I am bringing forth into your life."

I felt like God had done something amazing and shifting within me at this place at this appointed time.  I felt such warmth, peace, excitement, and full of expectation for what God was preparing me for!  Then I dozed back off to sleep and had the most beautiful dream I have ever had in my life.

I dreamed that I encountered God!  I just kept repeating and saying to God how beautiful He was.  Even when I awoke, I was still repeating and saying how beautiful God was.  I have never been so close to experiencing God.  I believe God showed up in my dream to affirm the inner work that He has been doing within me of purging my soul of hidden sin and past decay.  I believe by Him showing up in my dream it was a way to indicate that I am ready to become at one with Him to experience His perfect, unfailing and unending love for me so that I can share it freely with others. 

I sat up in my bed to look out the glass doors.  Outside my window were three deer standing.  My entire time at the cabin I had not see any wildlife of any kind.  I asked God, "Is this you God?"  I didn't hear anything, but in my heart, I sense it was Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

Time of Contemplation: Second Series of Six

I know why God brought me to the cabin for a time of solitude.  It was to get me away from all distractions and things of this world.  It was a time of contemplation for me where God was refining, purging and purifying my spirit and soul.  It was a time for me to do nothing and to just "be" present with God allowing Him to root out buried sin and past decay within my spirit and soul.  This process was a necessary process so that I can be fully prepared to receive His unified love where flesh, spirit and soul mesh in perfect love.  This enmeshment is necessary so that I can go out and serve in perfect love to all of humanity that God puts before me.  God is equipping me with a wisdom that is not attainable through my flesh undertakings.

At this point, no prayer, meditation, or any efforts I try to achieve on my own will not get me closer or in union with God sooner.  This is a mystical experience; an inner working of God alone in transforming my soul.  This process is necessary so that I recognize and acknowledge that this purification process was not of my efforts but of God alone so that I don't become prideful with an inflated ego.  This process is further stripping me to nothingness of spiritual poverty and humility.

This is a necessary process so that when God has completed His work in my spirit and soul and sends me out, I will be fully prepared for the exaltation experience humbly giving God all of the glory.  This was my second lesson from God that I had to be present to the necessary inner soul work that can only come and be of God in order to receive His perfect love for me. 

Time of Soluitude with God: First of Six Series

For about two weeks I had been having a body felt sense stirring within me and knew God was manifesting something within me.  This was a new feeling for me.  I heard God calling me to a time of solitude with Him.  As silly as it seemed to me, I sent out a random email to my coworkers and a sister in faith responded that she would love to share her family cabin with me.  She shared with me that when her father was building the cabin when she was a child, that he told her to be sure to share the cabin with her friends.  This had recently been weighing on her heart of how her and her husband could share the cabin with their friends.  Then she said, my email came.  It was so God ordained.  I am in awe to think that when her father was building this cabin, God already knew that He would be calling me up to this cabin at this specific divine time.  I can't even begin to comprehend this knowing and foretelling that God has. 

As I was preparing for this time of solitude everything went effortlessly from organizing, preparing, loading and driving up to the mountaintop cabin.  Even loading and driving Ginger, my sick dog with lymphoma, she also had a peace to her as well.  She usually does not like to ride but something was even different for her and she seemed excited and expectant.  As I was driving, she was looking out the back window and not whimpering like she normally does.  I had such a peace about this, knowing that this was all God ordained.  I had been praying that this would be a "shack" experience where I would encounter Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  I was expectant!

As soon as I arrived, I unloaded everything out of my car.  The wind was blowing so hard on the mountaintop, the wind was frigid and cutting through me, and flurries were flying around.  My car thermometer said a frigid 35 degrees but I know the wind chill must have been in the 20's.  I also gathered in wood and proceeded to start a fire.  I am so thankful to a soul friend who share the idea with me to buy starter logs.  They worked wonderfully!  It took the cabin a long time to warm up and I thought my feet were never going to thaw out.  I laid down on the sofa for a bit and I ended up dozing off to sleep.  When I awakened, the sun was setting.  It was the most beautiful site.  To the west, the mountains had an orange radiating glow to them.  To the north, I overlooked five mountain ranges into Mt. Storm where I could see glimpses of the 132 wind farm turbines.  I also saw smoke rising from the chimneys of the power plant.  Those mountains were so vibrant of blue and violet hues.

With all of the lights off in the cabin, I reclined in the chair and watched night come.  In the skyline I saw a bright star that was probably Venus toward the west.  I meditated upon the star and followed it.  As I followed it, sometimes it would appear to divide and be two, other times it would appear as if it were coming toward me and at one point it even resembled the image of an angel to me.  I continued to meditate upon it and asked it to speak to me. 

At that moment, I became emotional and felt so much gratitude for the opportunity to be at this place knowing that God called me here to encounter Him for a specific time or message.  I felt and knew what a blessing this sacred time was for me to be here.  I prayed to God as I sat there in awe praising Him.  I told God that this was just all so perfect!

That is when God revealed to me that His plans are always perfect!  He assured me that He doesn't miss even one detail and that nothing will be lacking!  I thought, WOW!, yes, when I am in God's perfect will, yes things do just fall into place effortlessly.  I asked myself when will I finally get this and try to stop my own plans, desires and agendas?  I wondered why I can't let go of this control or stronghold upon me?

This would be the first of many of God's lessons for me during my time at the cabin.  I sat there in awe until I was so sleepy that I got up and went to bed.  I was now intrigued and wondered  what else God would reveal to me during my time here!    

PS - Yes, I am dressed in layers with my dad's blaze orange vest on.  Bear hunting season is in and I didn't want to take the chance of being mistaken for a bear with a purple hat on!  :)   

One Minute With God

photo credit http://foodmatters.tv/images/assets/meditation.jpg

If you don't meditate, I would encourage you to do so by beginning this week for just one minute each day.  Each week then continue to increase your time until you can have at least 15 minutes a day with God being present with no distractions.

This morning I had the most intimate experience with God.  I felt Him holding my aching, sorrowful heart that radiated warmth and peace throughout my entire body.  I envisioned His hands lovingly holding my heart.  It was such a peaceful feeling that I no longer noticed my aching heart.  I did not want to get up and leave this space.  I am usually at this place with God for about 30 minutes or so, and I have had some instances where I have been at this place for nearly two hours. 

As you experience God this way in these moments, you continue to come back for more wondering how you might experience God in the new day.  What amazes me is that while I am spending this one on one time with God, I have no consciousness of time.  What I have learned is that when I start my day in meditation with God, my day has order, my day works more effortlessly, I carry a peace with me throughout the day no matter what I am faced with, and others also feel and experience this peace.  No matter how much time I spend with God each day, it always feels like I have gained hours in the day and I am just more relaxed. 

My time of meditation with God is quieting me internally which is opening up a space for God to reside.  My aim each day is to create so much space within me that God is the only one that  has residence within me that gives me this feeling of balance, equanimity, and non-dualistic thoughts that gives me this peace and harmony.  That is what it means to be in union and one with God!  It begins with being intentional to spend time with God in meditation.

I encourage you to be still, and learn God's voice, touch, and whispers.  When you still yourself, you are able to discern God's voice from all of the other chattering voices.  This is the entry way to obtaining God's wisdom.  Psalm 1:2-3 says, "but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and who meditates on his law day and night.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers."  Sounds like to me this is a promise that if we meditate with God and in His word, He will guide our way in life enriching ways.  It begins with one minute a day!  You will be glad you started!  Let me know how it goes and how it has affected your life.  Hope to hear from you :)  In peace. 

Who Is This God That Gives & Takes Away Whom is Calling Me to Serve Him?

Oh God, as you know, my heart aches and I am full of sorrow.  I keep asking, "Who is this God that gives and takes away and is asking me to serve Him?"  God you know how hard it is for me to make myself vulnerable to attach to relationships or beloved pets, but when I finally do, it seems like you strip or take them away from me.  Just when I feel I have nothing else to give or be taken, you reveal to me otherwise. 

God as you know, the latest news I got on Monday is that my beagle, Ginger, of six years who has been my companion and buddy during  major life transitions for me was diagnosed with Stage III Lymphoma in most of her lymph nodes.  There is nothing that can be done except to make her comfortable with steroids.  I will eventually have to make a decision to put her to sleep when the medicine no longer keeps her comfortable.

Ginger has been my walking buddy, she has meditated with me often on the Discipleship Hill  and has given me company while I'm studying and reading sitting at my feet faithfully. The news of Ginger's cancer crushed my heart God and actually made me angry at you.  I was questioning who You are.  She is only six, in good physical condition and I understand this is not common among beagles.  In such a short period of time I have surrendered and lost so much.  I don't understand for what or why?  All I could do Monday evening is cry which prevented me from sleeping. 

During my time of meditation I have been reflecting on Psalm 103 for a week to see what You would speak to me.  I must admit, Monday night I didn't want to read it or much less give You praise as the Psalm indicates.  I read it aloud anyway, crying the entire way through taking needed breaks in between.  I eventually fell asleep.

Tuesday morning as soon as I awakened, I again started questioning and asking, "Who is this God?"  I decided to go to my front window where I often get beautiful sunrises against the backdrop of Massanutten Peak.  The sky was nothing spectacular, but in the tree in front of my house were two red headed wood peckers.  I began to cry uncontrollably because at my previous house, I had four red headed wood peckers that showed up last December that I had never seen before in my seven years that I was at that home.  They stayed with me until I moved in July of this year.  The new owners have not seen them since they have moved in.

Now unexpectantly, or probably timely, these two red headed wood peckers show up when I need to see You God.  The same message that you gave me last December was exactly what I needed to hear this week as I was questioning You.  I never thought I would see any red headed wood peckers in the city and synchronistically they appear!

As I have spent more intentional time with Ginger, I have continued to question and ask, "Who this God is that is asking me to serve Him."  God revealed to me that He is not the one that causes evil, diseases, sin or despair.  That is all of the enemy because of this fallen world that we live in.  God has reassured me that He has overcome the world though.  God revealed some amazing realizations to me in my questioning Him.  God has shown me that He is at the Center of everything no matter what I am experiencing or going through, but often I can't see or comprehend what is happening because I lose my focus of Him which is at the Center of me.  God revealed to me that He has no boundaries, and He is asking me to trust and believe in Him and His timing in all things.

Through Ginger's diagnosis and me being able to see into and feel her soul, God has revealed to me some life lessons this past week.  Even though Ginger is sick, she still wags her tail when I talk to her, when it's time to eat or when I ask if she wants to take a walk.  Despite her cancer, she is still showing joy in the small details of her life experiences.  While walking her the other evening, she even still had strength enough to pull on me when she saw a cat that she wanted to chase.  Always on our walks, she always wants to stop along the way to smell the fire hydrants, the lamp posts or bushes.  I guess you could say she is "stopping to smell the roses"  even though her time is limited.  She has also revealed to me that it is okay to rest and take naps when you are tired.  She is sleeping more often now, but when she is awake, she is fully alive and full of joy.  And oh, the belly rubs!  She has no problem rolling over asking for her belly to be rubbed.  Also when we get done with our walks and we are meditating, she rolls on her back through the grass with her legs straight up in the air as she is scooting along looking pretty silly.  I always laugh at her because it is pretty funny!

What Ginger has taught me is that life is too short!  Enjoy each moment in the present - not looking into the past, nor the future.  Enjoy the journey that is before me, but take time to "smell the roses".  It is not about the destination, but how I travel along the path of the journey that has been laid our for me.  Rest often in the presence of God.  Whatever I do, do it joyfully and it is okay to get on my back and roll around like a fool if that is what I feel inclined to do.  It doesn't matter what others think or may say about me.  The most important thing is to be true to myself and to love others unconditionally just as Ginger has done with me. 

God I thank you for allowing me to question you.  I thank you for opening my eyes further to how infinite you are without borders and no circumference.  I thank you that you are at the very Center of my being participating in my journey and experiences with me.  You do feel and know my feelings, thoughts and emotions.  God I pray that you will continue to pierce my soul and take me deeper in my intimate relationship with You.  As Psalm 103 opens and closes, "Praise the Lord, O my soul, Praise the Lord, O my soul." 

I can't even begin to understand all of your benefits, but it is through life experiences, trials, hurts, pain, despair, loss, grace, mercy, suffering and love that You continue to increase my spiritual sight, you empty myself of me, you show me how to love unconditionally, you show me how to forgive, you show me how not to judge, you give me grace so that I can give others grace, and you give me a well of compassion that can't be contained for others, nature and Your beloved animals.  God you have given me such a gift in emptying me out of myself so that I can be Your hollowed out vessel to serve and love others until the end altruistically sharing what You have done for me giving you all the glory!

I confidently and loudly say, "Praise the Lord, O My Soul, Praise the Lord, O My Soul."  Amen!

God Calling Me to Ascend Afton Mountain: What I Wasn't Expecting

Today I received in the mail a correspondence addressed to me as Reverend LaDawn P. Knicely.  When I saw it, it touched me in a deeply emotional and profound way.  As I have been in Seminary, I have known that I was going to be in ministry in some capacity, but just not entirely sure what.  This correspondence hit me today and was a realization that yes, I am in fact going to be a Pastor in God's timing and by His will.  I have just one and half more year to complete which is just hard to believe.  This certainly was not in my plans!

All I could do after getting this correspondence was just weep, and I felt a deep questioning of how God could use me and why me?  I am just a simple country girl from Briery Branch, VA, which is a rural setting west of Dayton, VA toward the George Washington National Forest with the mountain Narrow Back practically in my parent's backyard where I grew up.  It was a humbling feeling, but one much deeper that I could not articulate by naming or putting words to it.  I guess my tears were releasing something from me that the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf to God. 

I felt God nudging and calling me to go to Afton Mountain in Waynesboro, VA.  I felt this urgency to go and get there even though I had reading and homework that I wanted to work on this evening.  I knew this feeling though and knew that I would be restless until I went.  I knew that God must have a message or something to reveal to me on the mountain. 

As I got to the base of the mountain on Rt. 64, I saw the blinking highway sign that said to "Use Caution, Fog on Mountain."  I thought great!  Now why would God lead me up here when I can't see or take in His majestic mountain views?  I was feeling a bit frustrated and wondering if I had really heard God correctly.  As I got to the top of the mountain, it was so foggy that drivers had their hazard lights on, and I missed the turn that takes me out on the Parkway.  I am now traveling down Rt. 250 going toward Charlottesville.  It is so foggy that each time I get to a place where I could turn around, I come upon it too late to signal that I want to turn around because there are other vehicles behind me.    As I get close to the bottom of the mountain on Rt. 250, it is more visible, and I am able to safely turn around.

Once I get turned around, I am now again ascending back up the mountain.  I finally come to the turn off and travel slowly through the fog.  It is scary because I literally can't see out in front of me, and I am wondering how I will navigate my way back out and not get lost on the mountain.   I find the first place to pull off, and I am still wondering why God has brought me here.  I can't see anything!  So I go ahead and get my blanket, Bible and journal out of my vehicle.  I lay the blanket in front of my vehicle and sit down.  As I am sitting there, I feel the cool mist of the fog and feel gentle droplets of water upon my face.  I instantly become flooded with words and begin to understand why God brought me to the foggy mountain top. 

He is calling me and asking me to ascend to a greater height and new dimension mountain top experience.  What that means I think is that I must fully and completely surrender my flesh desire of wanting to see and know the outcome of where God is leading me.  He is asking me to trust at a deeper level than what I am used too.  As waves of fog visibly move past me in a mystical way, he is asking me to be like the mystical fog ascending to the top of the mountain.  God is asking me that even though I don't know where I am headed, I can't see borders, or road signs leading and guiding me, He is asking me to keep walking, press forward and moving upward in the dense fog to the top of the mountain.

He showed me as I took the wrong turn and was descending down the mountain where there was less fog that it is easier to travel there because I can see in my own sight, my own comfort and my own control.  He is asking me to surrender my sight to Him, release my comfort to Him and release my control to Him.  He is asking me to ascend to a new dimension to the top of the mountain even though I can't see anything.  He is asking me to trust my everything to Him with a recklessly abandoned faith because this is necessary for the next doors to open where God is leading me.  He wants me to rest completely in His will and strength for this timely unfolding recognizing that it all is for God's glory and not mine.  He is calling me to have a transcendent faith that goes beyond me and my understanding by fully trusting and believing in God.  Just when I think that I have accomplished trust and faith in knowing God's plans for me, He does this to me asking me to go deeper, higher and beyond my own borders.  God is revealing to me that there is even more that He wants to reveal to me.

This reminds me of a scripture verse that I was meditating upon this week from Jeremiah 33:3 where it says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know".  This is exactly what He is revealing to me letting me know that there are "great and unsearchable things that I do not know" that I am now on a journey to seek and find what that exactly is.  

God continues to amaze me in how He reveals Himself and speaks to me.  Pray that I will trust and allow Him to move me beyond borders that I never knew existed!  I want to experience all that He has for me not missing out on any single detail.  I don't want to be standing before Him in heaven with him revealing to me what I could have done in His name, but missed out because I had my own narrow minded goals and agenda.  What is ironic, I also had a dream this past week that I was ascending up a mountain not knowing or seeing any borders of where I was headed.  God is preparing for something that invigorates me to keep ascending.  Amen!  

Oh My Love for the Spirit of the Gingko Tree and What It Means to Me!

This week as I was walking across the campus of Eastern Mennonite University, I found a Gingko Tree leaf on my path.  Gingko Trees are not that common in the area.  They are very symbolic to me however.  At my previous home in Ottobine, I had two Gingko Trees in my yard.  One was at my back entrance door and the other was at my dining room window where I would often sit and meditate watching two squirrels eat and play while four red-headed wooded peckers would visit which was also very symbolic to me.

Gingko Trees are believed to be the oldest tree on Earth and "an example of the oldest living fossil" of a little over 200 million years originating from China.  The leaves of the Gingko tree are so distinct in that they are fan shaped.  What I love about its appearance is that the trees stand so perfectly straight with these elegant leaves that hang without imperfections.  Because of the odor of the Gingko Tree, pests are unlikely to damage the tree.  During the summer their leaves are a beautiful green and in the fall they all turn a golden yellow.  At the first hard frost all of the leaves will synchronistically fall at the same time dropping like random rain drops creating their own melody of mother natures song. 

So what is my love and significance of the Gingko Tree?  What does the Gingko Tree speak to me?  It is a tough tree known for its resiliency.  In fact, they have been known to reach over 3,500 years old.  In 1945 when the Hiroshima atom bomb was dropped, everything was destroyed except for four Gingko Trees!  Today these trees are still living and are known as "The Bearers of Hope". 

To me the Gingko tree represents the closest living tangible symbolism of God that is over 200 million years old.  It is a sacred tree to me that represents a tree of life that offers healing with its medicinal capabilities, hope because of its tough and resilient nature, spirit of humanity because of its male and female sexes, and individuality, but one of inclusiveness because of its uniqueness that we are all sharing this Earth together that are interconnected not only by our souls and Heavenly Father, but with mother nature as well.

I wonder what would happen if we all developed a spirit of the Gingko Tree?  It is a unique, inclusive species that embraces our individuality, but more importantly recognizes the spirit that is within each of us connecting us.  What would our possibilities and capabilities be expanded too?  Is this God's message from the Gingko Tree that He has placed here on Earth for us to see and hear from the Gingko Tree?  Is the Gingko Tree to be our example for all of humanity to stand together as one of healing instead of hurting, hope instead of despair, resiliency instead of destruction?

Oh how I love the spirit of the Gingko Tree and what is represents to me of my hope and love for humanity!  Amen.

(The illustration is from my journal on April 28, 2012 of the Gingko Tree that was at my Ottobine home looking out my dining room window where I meditated often.  Of how I miss that view!)