No Visitors Allowed - But There Was Jesus!

For the past few weeks since my initial doctor visit at UVA about my upcoming surgeries, I have had to go to UVA for more tests and visits sometimes twice a week.  When UVA calls to verify my appointment, each time they ask screening questions:  Have you been out of the state of Virginia?Have you been around anyone with or suspected of COVID? Have you had a temperature, cough, red eyes, shortness of breath, sore throat, sore muscles, joint pain, etc.  Then the last instruction is that no  one can come in with you to the appointment.  If they do, they must remain outside.  No Visitors Are Allowed. 

So I personally made the drive across the mountain to my first set of all day appointments at three different locations.  My first appointment was a pelvic ultrasound which I have never had before and it did not sound like something that I would enjoy too much either.  All of this has happened so quickly and at times it seems surreal that none of this is true.  I look and feel like I am a very healthy female.  This has been frustrating to me because I feel the healthiest that I have felt in a long time not only physically but emotionally and mentally.  It concerns me of how this surgery is going to affect my hormones, the chemicals in my brain that might trigger my major depression, the physical toll that this is going to take on my body and then processing the emotional and mental affects that "me", as I know myself in bodily appearance will not look the same again.  I am losing a part of me physically, and I do not know how this is going to affect me emotionally and mentally as I adjust to my new body appearance with scars and new look.  I know that as a result of this surgery, I will not be the same again on so many levels.

As I was lying on the table for the ultrasound of my ovaries and pelvic, I was holding myself  to keep from peeing because I was required to drink 32 oz of water prior to my appointment.  I stared at a lighted picture on the ceiling.  It was vibrant and bright with fuschia flowers and trees that was highlighted by the blue skies and clouds.  With the clouds, I would look for face images or animal figures to distract me from the uncomfortable and vulnerable position that I was in.  In the one tree as I was staring at a face, I saw the tree branches had given me a message.  I wish I could draw it for you of what I saw, but just imagine looking at tree branches that create the image of, I love you.  The love was actually an image of a heart.  This comforted me knowing that Jesus was right there with me giving me a message, "I love you." 

God never ceases to amaze me that when I am at my most vulnerable position, God speaks and lets me know He is right there with me and that everything is going to be alright.  I even laughed to myself that even though No Visitors Are Allowed, there was Jesus with me.  Nothing can keep Him separated or away from me. 

My next appointment was for a breast MRI that was explained to me that it examines and picks up any and every cell.  Since I am BRCA1, they are doing more extensive testing than a regular annual exam. Again, I have never felt so uncomfortable, in a very vulnerable position face down with my arms above my head and breasts hanging down from the table with men nurses positioning me for the MRI.    It was so uncomfortable because you have pressure on your sternum, your neck is in an uncomfortable position and my arms  were aching in pain with spasms beginning.  Before they put me in the MRI machine, they asked me for my choice of music that I would like to listen to during the procedure.  I asked for contemporary christian music.  The very first song to play was, "God's Not Done Writing Your Story."  Just like that, even though No Visitors Are Allowed, there was Jesus. 

Once this procedure was completed, I went to the locker where they put my clothes.  I didn't know it earlier, but they had put my clothes in locker number 44.  God speaks to me oftentimes through numbers.  The number 44 has been significant to me.  God has often showed me the number 44 during major transitions in my life.  The biblical meaning of the number 44 is about God's divine order and timing.  There was Jesus again......

As I was praying about all that had happened, God took me to Jonah 2 about Jonah's prayer for deliverance.  What spoke to me was that even though Jonah was in the belly of the whale in sheol (his desperate and lowliest place), Jonah continued to seek God saying, "Yet I will look again toward your holy temple" (vs 4).  Jonah continued to pray as he felt consumed by his circumstance and the overwhelming feeling of being consumed by the deep waters and seas.  Jonah remembered the Lord. He prayed to the Lord and said,  "He will give thanksgiving to the Lord and he was delivered from the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land." 

I too, no matter what I may be asked to face or endure, I will do it with thanksgiving knowing that deliverance and salvation is from the Lord who will be with me no matter what.  I only need to be obedient and a witness to God's merciful works.  As I am entering into unchartered territory, God reminded me through these appointments despite the No Visitors Are Allowed order, that nothing restricts or keeps Jesus from me.  Remember beautiful ones, Jesus is with us and will not forsaken us.  Amen.  ~ Pastor LaDawn

Benefit for Mental Health Services

Dear friends of mine, Sam and Suzanne Bowman had a vision seven years ago of wanting to organize and hold a benefit for local community needs which they have faithfully done.  For the past three years now, they have chosen our ministry, Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry (HTRMM).  I am so personally touched by this.

I want to share with you to not boast, but to inform you and the public of our passion to serve those with mental health illnesses. HTRMM's mission specializes in counseling services with individuals who suffer with mental health illnesses.  This has been a personal passion of mine as I myself have suffered with episodes of Major Depression.  I also have family members who also struggle with mental health illnesses.  There has always been a stigma around mental health illness. I know for me personally I struggled with it feeling like I was alone in the suffering and had no one, not even the church that I could share my struggle with.  I thought that I didn't have enough faith or that I wasn't doing something right on my journey with God which was the reason I suffered with mental illness.  This is how Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry was founded in wanting to give a voice to those suffering in the silence with mental health illness.  The ministry wanted to break the stigma surrounding mental illness, to educate the community about mental illness and let those suffering with mental illness know that there is help for mental wellness regardless of income, background or situation.

Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry (HTRMM) was founded as a Christ centered church with biblical truth and serving everyone with love.  To date, with the partnership of Hometown Realty Group and Hometown Pastoral Counseling Group, PLC, I can offer faith based individual, marital and family counseling services on a sliding fee income scale so that no one will be turned away. The work has included counseling services for those suffering with many levels of mental illnesses. Specialized services include disorders such as anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and addictions.  My clientele even includes work with formerly incarcerated felons, at risk youth and letter writing to those currently incarcerated and one individual who is on death row.   The cumulative total of counseling services gifted since 2016 to the present is $47,814 which equates to 598 sessions.

Since graduating from graduate school with  a Master in Counseling and Master in Divinity, I have been persistently working toward fulfilling 4,000 hours of sitting with counseling clients that is required to sit for the License Professional Counseling (LPC) Exam in order to become licensed.  I am currently licensed as a “Resident in Counseling” being supervised by two LPC’s, Harvey Yoder in Harrisonburg at Family Life Resource Center and Vic Maloy in Richmond at VIP Care. I am hoping within the next year that I can make it a reality of finishing those hours.  It has been a long journey, but I know it is all in God’s timing.

The reason licensure is so important is because God is calling me to establish a non-profit, Harvest, that will work with non-violent at-risk adolescents that typically go through the court systems that ends up in juvenile detention and/or eventually incarcerated that becomes a statistic to our ever growing systemic judicial system.  The hope is that Harvest will be an alternative to the current judicial sentencing where the youth will come out to our farm to do individual therapy, group therapy, learn life sustaining skills, do hands on labor working on the farm, in the gardens and even with the livestock.  Harvest will be a place of healing and transformation in creating a place to belong and be loved which most likely the at-risk youth have been neglected of with no guidance or love or a missed diagnosis of a mental health disorder.  God has put on my heart to break this generational cycle in order to help the youth find what their purpose and meaning is so that they know who they are in Christ.  I am so excited to begin this next part of my journey, but God has been working on my patience and total dependence upon Him.  God gave me this vision in 2011 where I audibly heard Him say, “I was going to start a church, but it was not going to be like what I knew or thought church was.”  The at-risk youth, Harvest, will be the church.  The ministry will need to construct a building, install a septic and drill a well so that we have space to do our work with the youth. 

Other work that I have passionately facilitated in the community through HTRMM is educating the public about pathways to mental health.  In February 2019, the ministry organized a two day suicide intervention training (ASIST) for pastors in the Church of the Brethren denomination.  The ministry is looking to expand this training open to all faiths.  In the near future, they are hoping to offer a two day ecumenical summit called,  “Pathways to Mental Health” addressing the whole person mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

 

So please, I ask that you plan to attend the Benefit this Saturday on July 25, 2020 at Back Home on the Farm.  It will be a fun filled family day with lots of amazing food and gospel music.  One hunderd percent of the proceeds goes to our ministry.  I personally thank each and every volunteer that is a part of the benefit that Sam and Suzanne so graciously organize each year.  Your support is a part of God’s plan where He revealed to me that it is going to take a community to build this, support this, volunteer for this, provide finances and resources to bring this to fruition.  I also ask for continued prayers for not only myself, but my family and the ministry.  We are constantly confronted with attacks from the enemy. So we know, we are on the right path and know that God is going to make this all happen.

God bless each of you and your families!

With love,

Pastor LaDawn

I Tested Positive for BRCA1 High Risk Cancer Gene

I was not familiar with the term BRCA1 until I heard it last year after my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My aunt is such a selfless and beautiful soul whose vocation is a nurse.  She knew what questions to ask doctors and began to explore our family history of cancer with the possibility of it being passed down to not only her daughters, husband and our family.  Her wisdom prompted genetic testing for our families. 

I knew that I had to have the testing done because I watched my paternal grandmother fight breast cancer.  She died in her early 50's.  Her mom and grandma had also passed away with breast cancer.  So we knew of at least three generations of breast cancer.  BRCA1 is a high risk cancer gene that links to my paternal side of the family.  BRCA1 and BRCA2 is a cancer gene mutation that increases individuals risk to developing breast, ovarian, fallopian tube and uterine cancers by approximately 87%.   

My testing was completed in February, and I received my results a couple of weeks later.  I was scheduled to go to the UVA BRCA Clinic who specializes with this cancer gene mutation.  My family and I at this time was also taking care of my maternal grandmother who was on hospice care.  This is also the same time that COVID-19 hit so my UVA appointment got rescheduled to June.

I tried to not think about it, but I also knew I would most likely have two options that UVA would talk with me about.  One would be to do nothing and be at 87% risk of developing cancer or two, remove all of my female parts - a mastectomy and complete hysterectomy.  At this point, I didn't have a medical opinion, so I would have to wait for their recommendations, their findings, and stats in order for me to make an informed decision.  Of course, there was lots of prayers asking for God's will and discernment with this. 

I had many emotions during this time.  At first I was angry, thinking, "Why me?"  Once the anger subsided, I was then able to hear from God who revealed that what the enemy meant for  harm to take me out, God was using it to be proactive in dealing with it so I would not have to worry or deal with in the future. God's wisdom moved me to being grateful for this recent advancement in technology that would give me peace.  I realized that this technology was giving me a proactive opportunity to address this instead of being reactive with treatment and a potential battle with cancer.  The peace and clarity that I felt was overwhelming so I knew that God was affirming that surgery was the right decision. 

After I met with the medical gynecological doctor that specializes with the BRCA gene, I had even more peace and clarity that surgery was the unmistakable answer.  After surgery my risk would be less than 1% of ever developing cancer.  Because of my extended family history, the doctor highly recommended a double mastectomy and complete hysterectomy.  She explained that it is now all one surgery with a six week recovery or ten week recovery with reconstruction. 

My next steps were a full day of appointments at UVA for a breast MRI, pelvic ultrasound and to meet with the surgeons.  At this time, I did not know when the surgery would be.  I was leaning toward a November or December surgery because we are at one of our busiest seasons on the family farm with hay making, garden and maintaining the livestock.  As you can imagine, farm work requires a lot of heavy lifting of feed bags, square bales, moving gates, in and out, up and down farm equipment, or handling my sheep that can weigh up to 250 pounds.  My post surgery recovery will be restricted for the next six to ten weeks of no lifting at all. 

I don't understand why I have to go through this, nor do I know what God wants me to know about this, but one thing I do know is that I continue to say, "Yes Lord" by trusting Him in all areas of my life knowing that this has greater purpose and meaning beyond me.  I know that the Lord is faithful because I know first hand of all His good works in me and my family's life.  My family and I have experienced many miracles at God's hand so I trust and believe in Him with my upcoming surgery and successful recovery knowing He is using all of this for His glory.

A scripture that God gave me years ago when I began my faith journey is Joshua 4:24, "He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God."  If me sharing my journey brings one person to giving their life to Jesus, then it is all worth it for God's glory. 

In 2009, I said, "Yes Lord" - that I was all in.  Today I still stand in 2020 saying, "Yes Lord" - I am all in to serve you and to fulfill your purposes and promises for me.  I know that I know that I know that surely God is with me in the midst of all of it.  So I will proceed forward with the surgery praising God for what He has done and what He will do.  I am grateful to Jesus for being with me through it all for I know with God all things are possible. 

As of last week, I found out that my surgery will actually be in September.  I don't have an exact date yet.  I welcome and cherish all of your prayers.  Also this past week, my aunt received a praise report that her cancer has not progressed.  We continue to bind up the cancer in her body and declare and decree that it must leave her body because it is not welcome there.  We declare the cleansing blood of Jesus has already miraculous healed her. We believe for extended years over her life. When you pray for me, please add her to your prayers as well standing in agreement with me for her complete healing. 

The reason I share this journey so intimately with you, is if there is any history of breast, ovarian, uterine or fallopian cancer in your family, please consult your doctor about doing the genetic testing to see if you are a carrier or have the BRCA mutated cancer gene.  Knowledge is powerful.  God gave us that knowledge.  Let's use it to kick cancer back to hell where it came from.

With agape love to each of you.
Pastor LaDawn
 

The Dew is Bringing Divine Prosperity

To most this would appear to be a dandelion weed that has already bloomed, lost its color and shed its seeds.  It caught my attention when I was taking my dog, Wrangler out to go to the bathroom. It reminded me of the crown of thorns on Jesus' head when He was crucified.  I couldn't keep from staring at the picture I took and thought how beautiful this is.

As I stared at it, I noticed the droplets of dew on the stems, or the crown of Jesus' thorns.  The only way I noticed the dew was from the picture that I took because I kept staring at it and enlarging it.  That is when I noticed the droplets of dew.

This peaked my curiosity of what the morning dew may be speaking to me.  So I began to look up scriptures that used the word dew in it.  I also researched the Hebrew word for dew which is tal.  The Strong's definition of tal (2919) means, "a night mist, as coming from the sky, bringing fertility, God gives it, or heavens give it."

In Genesis 27:28, Isaac blesses his son Jacob with these words, "Therefore may God give you of the dew of heaven, of the fatness of the earth, and plenty of grain and wine."  Moses offers a similar final blessing on Israel before his death in Deuteronomy 33.  The commentary in my Spirit Filled Bible (pg. 273) says that, "Moses blessing to Israel describes the glory of greatness that will crown Israel's faithfulness.  It further goes on to say that, "God is an eternal God whose everlasting arms are never exhausted and who is their refuge and safety."  Specifically verse 33:28 says, "Then Israel shall dwell in safety, the fountain of Jacob alone, in a land of grain and new wine; His heavens shall also drop dew."  God is promising to send distilled dew, if you will, that has been purified, sent from heaven which Deuteronomy 33:13 describes it as, "With the precious things of heaven, with the dew, and the deep lying beneath."

Things today that the enemy has wreaked havoc on that appear to be chaotic, hopeless, and all lost  God promises that there is about to be a divine reversal where the dew is going to fall and bring divine prosperity.  God sent a purifying dew where the remnant will no longer operate "business as usual" or return to normal activities of the former days.  Paraphrasing Deuteronomy 33:28, God's people shall safely dwell in a land of grain and NEW WINE.  In order to dwell in a place of NEW WINE, we must be purified and distilled with a NEW WINESKIN letting go of the former things and behaviors so that we can move into the new move of God. For when we do, God speaks in Zechariah 8:12-13, "For the seed shall be prosperous, the vine shall give its fruit, the shall have her increase.  And the heavens shall give their dew - I will cause the remnant of this people to possess all these and it shall come to pass that just as you were a curse among the nations, O house of Judah and house of Israel, so I will save you, and you shall be a blessing.  Do not fear.  Let your hands be strong."  God is with us and has gone before us. Hosea 14:5-6 describes God as the, "Blessing of the day that flourishes, grows, has beauty and fragrance."

In the midst of all that is happening around us local, regionally and globally may we notice the kisses of dew from heaven around us that is merciful and new every morning that sustains us and nourishes us.  The battle that we are in is not ours.  May we dwell in His presence safely, "Abiding under the shadow of the Almighty, who is our refuge and a help in a time of uncertainty."  As we trust in God, He promises to deliver us from the snare of the enemy.  A Jewish prayer that I have come to love is called the Tfilat Tal or Blessing for Dew that I want to leave with you to perhaps pray over your life and family.

May dew fall upon the blessed land.
Fill us with heaven’s finest blessings.
May a light come out of the darkness to draw Israel
to you as a root finds water from dew.
May you bless our food with dew.
May we enjoy plenty with nothing lacking.
Grant the wish of the people – that followed you
through the desert like sheep – with dew.
You are Adonai our God,
who causes the wind to blow and the dew to fall,
For blessing and not for curse.
Amen.
For life and not for death.
Amen.
For plenty and not for lack.
Amen.

Embrace the Isolation in the Shepherd Field

Image credit churchofjesuschrist.org

Back in August 2019, the Lord started showing me that a new season was approaching of entering into the shepherd field like David.  When I reflected on this and deepened my understanding of this scripture in 1 Samuel 17, I had no idea why this would be a necessary season.  Today as I reflect on all that is happening in the world, I went back to my journal to see what God revealed to me at that time as we are in a season of uncertainty that seems daunting and desolate.  Globally we are fighting a human pandemic or plague if you will, called Coronavirus.  The number of cases and the death toll are staggering.  The impact of the front line warriors of nurses, doctors and emergency personnel is exhaustive.  The massive effects of a shaken uncertain impact on the economy is eroding businesses and “business as usual” because it is under a mounting strain of an unprecedented national debt never seen before, a global panic as many are displaced and out of work, desperation of hoarding resources, and the faith community scrambling to make sense of being outside the four walls.  We are even seeing the earth groaning with more severe and intense destructive weather patterns.

I hear often that individuals are starting to get cabin fever, missing community fellowship, and gatherings.  I have heard the Lord is setting the plumb line for His divine order by putting first things last and bringing the last things to the forefront.  This includes removing our idols, our busyness, our priorities that have been placed over our relationship with the Lord.  I know it seems lonely and we are isolated from the very things that were our comfort and habitual way of living.  Which brings me to David in the shepherd field who must have felt very lonely as he tended sheep, isolated from human contact or fellowship, no comforts of nice meals or home life.  David was confronting alone predators like lions and bears in the night preying over his flock which was his families livelihood.  I imagine he was also confronting his own personal internal demons as a result of sitting in the isolation and silence so much.  We too may be feeling like David in the shepherd field right now, but perhaps this is the reality of the place where God needed to bring us to reset our priorities, to learn to go deeper in our relationship with the Lord, to depend on the Lord in our times of struggles and confronting our demons instead of other external sources.

Even though chaos is all around us, may we continue to rejoice in the Lord and as Paul says, “Count it all joy.”  It is a time where God is refining and purging us so that He can increase our territory.  The Lord is using this moment in history to PREPARE us for the things that are yet to come that we cannot fathom or believe even if the Lord Himself told us (Habakkuk 1:5).  This is our training and equipping ground to become faithful warriors and a worshipful servant like David.  David didn’t slay Goliath prematurely in his own strength or worldly weapons or ways, but in 1 Sam 17:45 he stated, “That he came in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of armies of Israel whom Goliath defied.”  David proclaimed in verse 46-47 that, “This day the Lord will deliver you (Goliath) into my hands and I’ll (David) strike you down and cut off your head.” 

David knew God was with Him in the that moment.  David knew God intimately and where his strength came from.  David knew he was fighting principalities of evil and not the physical things or people of this world.  David grew to this place of a warrior for God through his many lonely days and nights in the shepherd field as a simple, lowly, looked down upon shepherd boy.  At David’s appearance, others thought of him as unimportant, but God equipped him with a mighty force for the Lord.  All of this was the humble beginnings of God preparing David to become a leader of a nation.  This didn’t happen overnight, but happened in the midst of unlikely circumstances and environment of a shepherd field.  The Lord was establishing and setting the plumb line as in Zechariah 4:10 it says, “Do not despise these small beginnings (or I would like to say these isolated lonely places) for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”

I encourage you to embrace our shepherd field experience right now because God is increasing our courage to fight, giving us boldness to speak, setting our confidence in the Lord alone, increasing our trust in God, giving us divine empowerment through the Holy Spirit, and about to move us closer to our assigned destiny.  It is a time to abide with the Lord in the uncomfortableness of the shepherd field praying, worshiping and meditating on the word as God continues to align each of us and set the plumb line.  His promise is that, “He surrounds me with His favor as with a shield" (Psl 5:12).  “Surely, you will know you are my hiding place, you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance” (Psl 32:7).  Surely, God did this, “That the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that the people may know and you might always fear the Lord your God (Joshua 4:24).  

Our breakthrough and promotion is coming from the shepherd field.  God is about to do something new so may we embrace the shepherd field experience and draw closer to God abiding with the Almighty.  God is with us.  Amen.

  

In the Cyclone

         The past couple of months, a lot of our lives have changed especially with the effects of COVID-19, but each of us individually as well with our own personal journeys with perhaps a new diagnosis, a loss of a loved one, confronting our demons, or whatever we may be dealing with in the silence that is not hidden from the Lord.  I have had time to personally reflect on me and my families past few weeks with the intensive care of my grandma, Grandma Hummel, and her passing.  I pray and hope that you can gain encouragement and strength in the midst of your cyclone that you may be facing or going through.  I have scriptures at the end that I pray you can spend some time with that will fill you with God’s peace and hope for a future to prosper you. Though you may feel you are in the center of a cyclone, be assured that it will not persist and your are coming out better equipped, prepared and stronger thank you know.

Grandma Hummel passes away peaceful on March 18^th in her home just as she wished.  Weeks leading up to this day, I felt like I had been in the center of a cyclone.  I began to research on websites and gleaned this information from them where I found that cyclones are “difficult to predict” despite the latest technology available of satellites and weather radars.   Cyclones can “suddenly weaken or strengthen depending upon the conditions.  A cyclone emerges when environmental conditions of “warm moist air above the ocean rises.”  "Storms form when the water is 80 degrees Fahrenheit or better.” This is like fuel on a fire.  "A cyclone weakens when it passes over land where it loses the warm moist air."  As I used this term of feeling like I was in the middle of a cyclone, I didn’t realize what conditions were needed or the environment necessary for a cyclone to form.

I began to reflect on how my personal cyclone formed and brewed for these past few weeks, which typically they say a cyclone only lasts 3-7 days.  However, the largest recorded cyclone was “Ginger in 1971 that lasted for 30 days.”

The warning signs of a cyclone reported in the heraldtribune.com is that: “1.  the barometer will fall slightly, 2. wind is around 11mph, 3. the ocean swell is about 13 feet and increasing, 4. the waves come more frequently, seconds apart, 5. a large mass of white cirrus clouds appear.  As the veil of clouds approaches, it covers more of the horizon.” (Internet source, May 13, 2007)

           The Meaning of Barometer according to Wikepedia is "an instrument that measures atmosphere pressure in forecasting the weather and determining altitude. [Something that reflects changes in circumstances or opinions.]  with weather when the barometric pressure drops it typically means that bad weather is coming such as rain or even snow if it is cold enough.  Our bodies especially joints can even feel and detect when the barometric pressure drops before bad weather."  From the directorthocare.com it defines “barometric pressure as the weight of the atmosphere that surrounds us.”

                For me and my family, the barometric pressure definitely shifted with the decline of grandma’s health that happened quickly.  We definitely felt the pressures from the atmosphere that was weighing upon us as we heard the medical news of the seriousness of grandma’s chronic illness of cancer that was in stage 4 throughout a lot of her body.  Grandma too was feeling the weight of the barometric pressure against her body that could not withstand medical intervention, but only preparing her for comfort care in her home. We did not know how long this storm would last, but we knew we had to weather the storm with grandma despite our own heaviness and weight of this news, the reality, the sacrifices and the strain that 24/7 care would have on our family.  We are now in the center of the cyclone.

                Our family is feeling the winds of adversity as we begin her care.  When the wind shifts another way, we are feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit that is leading, guiding and carrying us through this storm.  Between the winds of adversity and the winds of the Holy Spirit with us, our bodies feel the effects of the elements that is beating against us.  However, the wind of presence of the Holy Spirit is more prominent and strengthening us in a way unimaginable that is carrying us through this storm that is allowing us to not only meet grandmas needs, but our own as well.

                As the winds blew, it caused huge waves to form that tried to sweep us off our feet with discouragement, weariness, frustrations, and exhaustion.  In the middle of the storm, our family held firm and tight to the truth of God’s word, promises and grandma’s wishes.  We did not waiver from that despite the adversity of the atmospheric pressure, the battling winds, and the raging ocean waves.  God made us like a lighthouse on a solid rock foundation that withstood the beating of the elements.  It was nothing that we had done, but how God had already prepared us and sat us on His firm foundation making us immovable and unshakeable.  God had gone before us and God was surely with us.  He was our help in a time of trouble, and He knew that we trusted in Him despite what our circumstance looked like in the storm.  (Nahum 1:7-9)

                They say that it gets the darkest before your breakthrough.  We watched, waited, and agonized with grandma as she gasped for air and eventually became unresponsive to us.  The storm would not let up.  The winds and crashing of the waves around us came more frequently and with more intensity.  Our hearts were heavy watching grandma suffer in this way.  I use the word suffer, because it appeared that way to us.  However, before she became unresponsive, she always responded to us that she was not in any pain.  The suffering we witnessed was the laboring of her breaths, her motionless and unable to now speak or move.  We know the inevitable is coming of her eminent death, we just did not know the hour or time.  We too are having a Garden of Gethsemane experience like Jesus which is aligning our will to God’s will in this moment and situation.  Just like Jesus knew His death was eminent, so too was grandma’s.  God was aligning our will to release and let go of grandma so she could transition from this earth to heaven.

                The reality of the clouds now set in over the horizon.  Our prayers changed from healing grandma and to make her well, to God please do not allow her to suffer like this for too long.  Please God take her peacefully.

                Then the breakthrough came.  The barometric pressure in the atmosphere began to rise.  It no longer felt as heavy a burden because we were now surrendered to God’s will for grandma.  In that moment, my mom and Aunt Monna watched grandma sit up, open her sky-blue eyes and take her last two breaths.  She laid back down and exhaled her last two breaths.  In that moment, it was finished.  Grandma was now separate from her earthly body, and her spirit was present with Jesus in that moment.  The grace of God and His new mercies each day allowed us to weather this storm in grandmas sacred transition and promotion to heaven.

                The heaviness of the atmospheric pressure lifted, the winds calmed, the waves subsided, and the dark storm clouds dissipated.  No matter how dark it seemed in that moment with grandma, God’s light overcame the darkness and brought victory.  Grandma was victorious, she fought the good fight and was as my sister in Christ, Alice shared, "A hero in her faith to her last breath."

                For that, I am so grateful and honored to witness the goodness of God.  For I now have wisdom that “there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:

"A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stoves and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain,

A time to search and a time to give up,

A time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak,

A time to love and a time to hate,

A time for war and a time for peace,

What does the worker gain from his toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on men.  He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11)

“I know that everything God does will endure forever, nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.  God does it so that men will revere Him.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:13-14) “All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return” (Ecclesiastes 3:20)

He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end which means He is in control of all the details in between.  Revelations 22:13, Revelations 1:8, Revelations 21:6-7, 1:17-18, Isaiah 44:6, therefore we can be encouraged with trust and hope in Jesus who has made a way for us telling us, “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms, if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:1-4) Jesus….He is the way, and the truth and the life (John 14:6)   Amen

Christmas Preparation Blessings

photo credit:  www.sja-catholicchurch.com

This Christmas season has been very different for my family. In fact, if I am truthful, 2018 has been very hard, challenging, but also very blessed. I have a new appreciation, more understanding and a deeper intimacy for Jesus and the meaning of Christmas. The scripture that God continues to lead me to is Isaiah 40:3-5 of the Prophet Isaiah’s foretelling decree. The Lord also continues to speak to me revealing, “It is a time to prepare.” I continue to seek and ask for God’s wisdom, “Prepare for what God?” The scripture says,

 

“A voice of one calling: “In the wilderness prepare the way for the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together.””

 

For my family 2018 began with Kendall’s heart surgery to repair her congenital heart defect at John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, MD. This was one of the scariest times in my life where I had to depend on the Holy Spirit to show me how to surrender Kendall to God just as Abraham did his son Isaac when he walked him up the mountain to sacrifice his son being obedient to the Lord. In the midst of this unknown, Abraham trusted and believed in God knowing that God was going to provide an answered prayer that he in the moment could not conceive or comprehend. In my yielding to God, God brought a miraculous outcome of Kendall’s complete healing in the name of Jesus. 2018 has also been a year of many moves and transitions that were uncomfortable, unplanned, but again as I learned to yield to God’s plan, my family and I saw a promotion from the Lord. New doors and opportunities were given to us that were not possible in our own strength, but with God all things are possible. 

 

Then just this week, my dad had surgery to remove part of his colon where unexpectedly colon cancer was found. He had no symptoms so this diagnosis came as a shock to us all. As we prayed for my dad, anointed him and again released and yielded my dad to God, God again performed a miracle with a successful surgery but more importantly the news that the cancer had not spread anywhere else in his body. To hear this news, I instantly knew that God heard the desires of our hearts and petitioned prayers. I wept for joy, I praised the Lord, I worshipped Him and I surrendered even more of my life to Him where I did not even think it was possible to give any more of myself than what I had already done. 

 

Christmas for me this season has not been about gifts, a Christmas tree or decorations which is still not done nor do I intend to do it, but about PREPARING more of myself, my life, my way of being and seeking more of the Kingdom of God……Matter of fact, it has been about PREPARING for the coming of Jesus not just this Christmas season, but every day, every detail of my life so that it reflects to others that they may come to know or become in a more intimate relationship with Jesus. Friends, this is the only true gift that is worth living for and receiving, and His name is JESUS.

I pray you have and/or receive this gift. May you have a most joyful and blessed Christmas PREPARING! With love and in His grip, LaDawn Knicely

 

PS - I am taking a sabbitacle from social media to focus more on the Lord.