You Pick...Superficial or Supernatural?

The moon from my patio.

It is 2 am on June 25, 2013, and I can't sleep.  I feel restless so I sit up on the side of my bed and try to meditate to see if I can hear God's voice.  Maybe this is a prompting from Him to reveal something to me or maybe He is just wanting me to be in His presence.

As I am sitting here, I notice a bright light coming in through my bedroom window.  I get up and look out.  I can't see the moon, but I know it is the light from the moon.  I decide to go downstairs and put on a light jacket and go outside and sit on my patio just looking up and staring at the full moon. 

I have always been enamored by the moon and there has always been a natural tendency for me to be in awe of the moon's feminine energy that it exudes.  As I was thoughtlessly staring at the moon, the light was radiating creating an outline of the trees, the buildings, the barn and the farm landscape.  The sky was so clear with only a few clouds that were standing still motionless.  There was this calm and quietness where nothing at all could be heard.  I didn't even hear one car go by on Rt. 257 which is very unusual.  Then I heard my next door neighbor's composter automatically turn on.  I could hear it tossing the dead things inside it around so that with time and going through a natural heat process that it would produce beautiful, rich nourishing fertilizer that he could use on his yard, garden or field.

I began to reflect and think that is exactly what God does to us in our lives.  He slowly and patiently prunes and clips away at all of our deeply rooted dead stuff of sin, our imperfections, and false personas that we put on.  This is a very painful process, but He knows how to apply enough pressure and heat that will make us surrender these dead parts of ourselves without breaking us but by composting us into rich, nourishing spiritual fertilizer that He can use for us to be in the image of Christ.  It is at this place that He is more than abundantly able to use our spiritual fertilizer so that we can then be His disciples to spread our spiritual fertilizer into others lives helping them to fully grow into a transformational relationship with Jesus Christ.

Each day we must examine those dead parts of ourselves and throw them off into the composter so that God can tumble and refine us into His rich spiritual fertilizer.  This daily process is what releases our full potential in Jesus Christ so that we can be obedient and recklessly abandoned followers for Him without any obstacles or distractions.  This process comes with sacrifices because we may be called and led to give up the most important relationships to us, our families, our possessions, our plans, our desires, secure job, etc.  These things have been what is most comfortable to us and what we know. 

Are we going to choose to radically follow Christ by recklessly abandoning everything that we know, that gives us this security and that is comfortable?  Or are we going to remain comfortable and stagnant by not experiencing what God has fully planned for our lives?   

I personally don't want to miss the calling that God has placed upon my heart, so I have chosen to step out in faith and the uncertainty by continually examining myself everyday to determine where I need to deny and abandon myself even more.  I ask myself, do I want to settle for the superficial things of this world, or do I want to experience the supernatural abundance and glory of God?  I know it's not easy as I am finding out in my own spiritual journey.  It comes with much pain and sacrifices, but I am not willing to stay comfortable and not experience the pain so that God can reveal to me His supernatural abundance and joy He wants me to fully experience.

What about you?  Do you pick the superficial or are you going for the supernatural?  I would love to hear your pick and what have you had to surrender to be in God's will?

Peace and blessings to you with abundant grace and kindness through this process. 

Released My Lemons

For the past couple of days I have been diligently de-cluttering and cleaning my home because God has revealed to me again that I should sell it.  This afternoon I was cleaning my windows but had a spirit of agitation, anger, frustration, restlessness and anxiousness as I was doing it.  I was really sad and would cry off and on.  My heart was even hurting feeling like someone was squeezing and stretching it all at the same time.  I know there was a part of me that was grieving and mourning more of what God wanted me to surrender. 

Tuesday evening I was invited to Faith Outreach Ministries in Pleasant Valley where they host a women's group each month called, Inspiring Women of Virtue.  They had a guest speaker, Gail Little, from Danville, West Virginia.  Her message was "When Life Gives You Lemons."  Gail compared our life to Nehemiah whose spirit was broken and overwhelmed because of the destruction of the City Walls in Jerusalem.  She said Nehemiah did not just sit there though. She said he kept moving and he helped to rebuild and reestablish the City Walls.  That is exactly what we must do.  She said, "The Lord will make a way for us no matter what we are going through, but we have to take steps and put legs on our prayers." 

The lemons that the enemy is throwing at us she encouraged us to dodge them and in order to dodge them we have to keep moving making it difficult for the enemy to hit our moving target.  Gail said, "God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power and we are spiritual giants."  We must put our faith and works together because God wants us to step out and do what he has placed on our heart. 

Gail closed with a powerful statement and said that "we need to get a vision of VICTORY.  Whatever you have been praying for, close your eyes and see it there." 

Driving home from this event, I reflected and felt that God used Gail to speak to me giving me further affirmation that it is time for me to move.  This move is a bold and courageous one in many aspects and levels, not just my home.  It is time for me to get out of the boat and stop trying to hold on to all of the things that I have not wanted to let go of.  If I can't let go of what God is asking me to surrender, I can't walk through the door for the new opportunity and vision that God has placed upon my heart.  I have been standing in the middle of the boat with one hand holding on to the past of what I know that is secure and comfortable not wanting to get out of my comfort zone.  My other hand was reaching forward to the new opportunity of what God wants to give me.  God has been patient, kind and full of grace with me and assured me that there is no negotiating with Him of me having both.

In fact, once I got home, I felt the need to run.  It is a time of meditation for me and I instantly heard God say, "surrender all and sell everything."  I thought, oh my gosh, everything?  I don't know if I can do that.  Most items in my house I can, but there are a few family antiques that I am not ready to surrender  yet.  God revealed to me that in order for me to move into the next thing that he has prepared for me that I need to let go of the impermanent things that are holding me back.

So yes, as I was washing my windows this afternoon, I was experiencing conflicting feelings and emotions of why it had to be this way which was stirring me up in a negative way inside.  Then I heard God tell me to go to the river and release your lemons.  I was thinking that I am in the middle of cleaning my windows and I don't have the house anywhere ready for a Saturday showing.  He was persistent though.  So I grabbed two lemons, my camera, phone and off I went to the river again. 

About half way there on the dirt road, I encountered a calf that was laying in tall weeds at the edge of the road and it actually scared me. He looked sick and was really young.  He was weak and I don't know how long he had been away from his momma cow.  I knew I had to help get the calf back into the field and get it with its momma cow, but this was getting in the way of me going to the river to release my lemons.  So I got the calf up and tried...that is tried to lead it.  So then I got behind it to try to push it and then all of a sudden its hind leg did a cow kick and hit me in my shin.  I had tears in my eyes and was thinking, I am only trying to help you out.  Once I got him in the field.  I continued on my walk to the river, but an awareness came to me on my way there.  I was being obedient by following through with what God wanted me to do by releasing my lemons, but I came upon an obstacle and distraction.  That is exactly what the enemy does to us when we are on the right path following God.  The enemy will use anything to distract us and get us off the path that God has ordained for us and yes, even kick us in the shin to get us down or frustrated so that we give up. 

Once I got to the river, I just held my lemons and reflected on all of the lemons in my life that I need to release.  They were things from the past, sin, false parts of myself, possessions, my plans, and my desires.  I asked God to make me aware of any thing else that may be hidden in my heart that I may not be aware of.  I sat there for a long time.  I wondered if there was a part of me that was waiting to hear from God or was I delaying releasing my lemons that have been weighing me down and holding me back. 

Then God told me to release my lemons by sitting in the water.  I was supposed to release the lemons and then fall back into the water immersing my entire body and head under the water so that He could cleanse me of all of my lemons.  I questioned, but then slowly stepped into the water with my walking shoes and fully clothed.  The water was frigid but once I sat down in the water, it wasn't too bad.  The current was pretty swift and I almost floated down the river.  Then, I released the lemons and took pictures as I did so.  Without hesitation, I fell back into the water and fully immersed my body and head into the water.  It took my breath away!  As soon as I sat up, I looked for my lemons to see where they were in the river.  They were already floating away and at this point, I was still feeling heavy. 

On my walk back to my home, the first thing I was thinking was that I hope no one would drive by and see me walking completely soak and wet in street clothes.  I was cold and shivering, but there was something refreshing about what had just happened.  I was feeling lighter, peace and joy.  The heaviness on my heart was gone.  Then I realized that in fact God did just deliver me from the lemons in my life that has had a stronghold on me keeping me stuck.  No longer are the lemons going to sour my joy, no longer are they going to squeeze my heart with fear, and no longer are they going to prevent me from living out my life purpose and mission that God has orchestrated for me. 

Gail's message was inspired from James 1:2 that says, "Consider it a pure joy my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Then the scripture that God has given me this week that I have been reflecting on is Psalm 40, but specifically verses 7-8 that says,
                                                      "Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
                                                       it is written about me in the scroll.
                                                                               I desire to do your will, my God;
                                                       your law is within my heart.”

Just as my shirt says, I LOVE God.  Yes, God is my Father, my Husband, my Lover, my Provider, my Rock, my Salvation, and my Counselor.  In Him I am all things and can do all things that strengthens me, so yes God, here I am!  I do desire to do your will.   Thanks for helping me to release my lemons.  I am expectant for the new opportunity!

Be Mindful: Your Life Answers Await You!

Today I was being led to walk and go to the river again.  On my way there, I wondered what God would reveal to me during my time of meditation with Him there.  As I sat on a rock close to the water, I watched the rapids flow, felt the water sporadically splashing up on me, and listened calmly to the currents gentle flow.  It is always so peaceful sitting at the river and my mind goes clear with no thoughts, plans or worries. 

As I was looking into the water on a rock,  I saw four snails clinging against the currents.  I thought that they must have amazing strength and endurance to withstand the currents.  Then right in front of the snails in the water I noticed an acorn.  I reached down and picked it up.  It was water logged and black instead of brown from being in the water for so long.  I just stared at the acorn wondering what it symbolized and what it would say to me.  I decided to carry the acorn back home with me.  I felt like the snails and the acorn were relaying a message to me.  As I meditated upon them, they did in fact reveal affirmations to me.

Why do I even share this or spend so much time observing nature around me?  I believe that nature and the universal energies around us are all interconnected to Our Heavenly Father.  I believe that the inherit characteristics and occurrences of nature around us is a metaphor to our own waking life speaking to us in the moment with whatever we may be dealing with.  When you are out in nature among the surroundings, your mind will unconsciously focus or become attentive to an object.  A cosmic energy or force has unconsciously connected and I believe it has a message for you.

My experience with the four freshwater snails and the acorn were definitely a message and affirmation to me with where I am at on my life journey.  I encourage you to be more mindful of nature and your surroundings.  The answers to your prayers that you have been seeking probably has been right under your nose.  This is what I took from my personal experience this evening which is summed up in a poem by Napoleon Hill.

          "The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and
             hidden from the sun.  It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to
             struggle for existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun."

Allow and give yourself personal space to be still and to be mindful.  Your answers await you.  Shalom!

All I Could See Was the Struggle

On Tuesday I discovered that I had lost my wallet with my cash and bank card.  I frantically started to retrace my steps and knew that I lost it somewhere between our Monday evening stop at the Rite Aid, our walk on the beach or when we returned to our condo.  I was looking everywhere!  I looked in my car I know at least 5 times, I looked all over the condo, and even traced steps outside.  Then it hit me that I had taken the trash out to the dumpster, so yes, I went to the dumpster found our trash bag and even dug through the nasty trash bag.  Nothing! 

Next I began the daunting task of calling my bank to discontinue my two bank accounts.  In the middle of all of this, I texted a friend and asked for prayers who also sent out a text to other prayer partners asking for prayer.  I also tried to keep my composure and to continue to trust and pray through all of this.  It was not an easy task because now I had no money at all and I knew it would take $100 in gas money to get us home in which I did not have access too.  I called my mom and told her what happened.  Our cousin was with her and she did not hesitate one bit and said that she would go to the Western Union and send me money for us to stay at Myrtle Beach and continue our vacation.  She said this was not going to cut our vacation short when that is all she had to do.  I was ready to come home.  My cousin was insistent so we accepted her gracious offer to send us money.

As I have been reflecting on this experience, I know now that this was fierce attacks from the enemy.  Since we have been here, I have been writing a lot in my journals of what God has been revealing to me over the past three years.  I also brought my old journals and what is evolving is a daily devotional that I hope will be something publishable about my personal trials, experiences and conversations with God of what He revealed to me during those times.  It has been very empowering and comforting for me to do this because throughout my journals even though I am struggling, God is giving me affirmations encouraging me to trust and believe in what He is doing in my life.  It was the first time in a long time that I had experienced enthusiasm because God all along has been affirming me, His plans and the vision that He placed on my heart.  At the time, all I could see was the struggle!  Going through this process of transcribing my journals into my daily devotions eliminated my doubts, fears and insecurities. 

What is interesting is that the word "enthusiasm" is a Greek word which means possessed by God.  God has been with me so I am not doing this alone nor am I doing it in my strength.  Enthusiasm is empowering me to do what I was intended and created to do.  I love this quote by Eckhart Tolle that says "Enthusiasm wants nothing because it lacks nothing!"  I was beginning to claim all of my God given talents and knew that God was going to use them all for this vision.  I was feeling invigorated and passionate about the possibilities and the potential that God was getting ready to unravel within me.  I felt like there was nothing that I could not do because I knew that God dwelled within me and he has shown me my life purpose and soul mission which gives me much enthusiasm.  The enthusiasm is deep within me because I know it is nothing of me and that I am going to be serving God and His people.  I sat in awe of what God just revealed to me, and I had the most amazing feeling in my chest that radiated through my entire body with warmth, love and peace.  I knew that God was so close to me walking, leading and guiding me each step of the way. 

So Tuesday evening when I was getting ready to go to bed, I physically had a sick bodily felt sense of trembling inside my body all over with no control over it with cold chills to my inner core.  I was feeling the stress of my lost wallet and personal struggles.  I prayed and meditated but nothing seemed to get rid of this feeling.  I went to bed with this trembling feeling and slept very little.  So when I got up on Wednesday morning, I still had the same feeling.  Again, I got into position on the floor and meditated and prayed to God asking Him to reveal to me what I needed to know.  It took a while for anything to come, but then God spoke to me and said,

     Beautiful One,
           "Your stomach is in a tangled web of knots and it is nervousness.  Let me untie the knots and let me show you how.  Your nervousness is because you are moving on and putting the past behind you and walking into the vision and ministry that I have laid upon your heart.  The enemy wants you to feel threatened, insecure, to have doubt, and question if this is really what you are supposed to be doing.  No longer let the enemy control you with deceit and manipulation.  Draw your tangled web of knots and let me show you how I will use those tangled web of knots to create something beautiful from it."

So that is what I did.  I drew the tangled web of knots and unconsciously used five colored pencils in no particular order or pattern.  Then I used the same colored pencils and drew an amazing petal.  As I spent time with the petal, it revealed to me that it is the trinity of my Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I was now feeling much peace!  My stomach no longer felt like a big ball of knots.  It was warm, relaxed and comforting. 

Thank you God for the ways that you use everything around me to speak to me such as my body felt sense, nature, other people, synchronistic events and so much more.  It is when I go to those uncomfortable places with you and sit in them, that you reveal your power, glory, grace and unconditional love for me.  Thank you God for drawing me closer to you during my tangled web of knots and struggles.  

His Living Water Fills Us

This evening I was feeling emotional heartache and felt like I needed to take a walk even though this morning I had already walked for an hour.  So I left the house again and traveled on a different route than I normally take.  I was headed toward Spring Creek and came to the bridge that crosses over Beaver Creek.  I knew that I needed to get close to the water.  I have always naturally navigated toward water even as a child. 

I remember as a child at my family home in Briery Branch that I would go back into the field near the woods and play in Briery Branch River.  It didn't matter if it was scorching hot out with tall grass and brush that I needed to go through taking a chance of stepping on a snake or getting a tick on me.  I found a way to get to the water.  It could also be freezing cold out with a layer of ice over the river.  I spent a lot of my free time there.

So at the bridge, I crawled over the guard rail and walked down the rocky slope so I could put my feet into the water.  As I placed my feet into the water, I could not believe how icy cold it was.  It felt good though to feel the currents washing over my feet, hearing the waves rush over the rocks and see the ripples of the water flowing into different directions.

As I sat there looking upstream, I realized that the river is a metaphor and map of our life.  What would our life look like if we were to draw a river on a piece of paper and map out our life.  It could be a river of life map that highlights the bends in the river of hardships, trauma, heartache, burdens and loss.  There may be some straight of ways representing happiness, peace, joy, birth of a child, and life achievements.  Along the banks of the river we may have manmade debris, circumstances beyond our control and sin.  There could also be natural debris of large branches, sticks, dried grass and moss that is just a part of life because we live in this fallen world. I remember that upstream, I had been rededicated and baptized in this river in September 2009 realizing that all of that debris had already been washed away and was now in the past.  I have not forgotten though how all of these events on my river of life has shaped me and gotten me to where I am at today.  God uses all of the events in our life for His glory if we allow Him too. 

One thing for sure, we need water to survive physically, but also living water from the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ that is spiritual living water.  I realized this evening that I was thirsty, thirsty to be spiritually filled that only Christ's living water can give.  Every living thing has to come to the water to survive.  I was witnessing the birds that were swooping and playing in the water.  Then I saw at a distance a head bobbing out of the water coming toward me.  It was a water snake and I jumped back pulling my feet out of the water.  I am so scared of snakes so I began to splash water to direct the snake in a new direction.  It worked!  The snake went on a little further down the river and I saw it slither up onto some rocks maybe to rest.

We too are like that snake in the middle of the river of life going along with currents that we have been given or by the poor, foolish decisions that we have made.  However, we are never alone.  Christ's living water is all around us if we choose to recognize Him and not become numb like my feet did sitting in the icy cold water.  Just as the snake rested in the middle of the river, we too can find rest with Christ in the middle of the river no matter how high the waters get, how rough the currents may become, how low the water may be, or even during the peaceful flow.  In all circumstances and situations we must recognize our need and come to Christ for his living water to fill us.

As I was reflecting on this, a couple from my church walked by and saw me.  We said hi to each other as they passed by.  She looked back at me and said that they no longer see people coming and sitting in the river anymore.  That hit me as a profound statement that we all too often look in other places to be filled with worldly and impermanent distractions.  The only thing that can truly fill our emptiness is Christ's living water.

As I sat there and realized what I just evolved, I was already personally feeling at peace and didn't notice my emotional heartache.  I need to make a point to come to Christ's living water each and everyday to fill me and let His water wash over me purifying me of worldly influences that I am faced with everyday.

As I got up to leave, a song that I love came to me by Rhett Walker called Come to the River.  I need to do this everyday by coming to the river and laying my burdens down and let my heart be filled by Christ.  I have attached a link to the song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_994734&feature=iv&src_vid=_11qNSYloq4&v=pjIxuuBSzMI  I also reminded of the scripture John 4:14 of the woman at the well where God said, "but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Finally, as I was sitting outside my house writing about this experience, God was showering me with light raindrops of His living water.  He is present all around me if I would choose not to be numb or indifferent to His presence.  The birds were chirping, the whippoorwill was croning, our sheep were bahhing, the cattle were grazing and His Spirit could be heard through the rustling of the leaves and felt by the gentle breeze.  Thank you God for helping me to recognize that you are all that I need to be filled, joyful and at peace.   Amen!

Love the Butterfly Heart Flutters

I was being led to be still and needed space to do that before my day of appointments began.  After I dropped my daughter off at school, I decided to go to JMU Arboretum to meditate.  Once I got there, I was the only car on the lot and it felt like it had been reserved especially for me on this day at this appointed time.  I began to walk down the path and cross the pond. At the edge of the pond was one duck with her one duckling.  I wondered why she only had one duckling and why there were no other ducks on the pond which I thought was odd.

As I continued on the path where fresh pine bark had been laid, I heard birds chirping joyfully.  Then a sweet aroma captured my senses.  I found myself breathing in deeper and deeper wanting more of this sweet, pleasing aroma.  I did not see any blossoms and could not figure out where the smell was coming from.  Then discretely mingled with other greenery, I saw it!  It was honeysuckle.  Oh yes, honeysuckle!

I continued to walk along the path listening to the quietness with background melodies of the birds chirping.  Then I came upon azaleas that were bursting with blooms of a deep, passionate lavender that gave me a calming peace and knowing of feeling near to the Holy Spirit.  My heart had butterfly flutters like you get when you know for the first time you are in love .  I got emotional with tears in my eyes and goose bumps all over my body.

How would the Holy Spirit use this azalea bush bloom to speak to me?  What would it say and want me to know?  I know it is something important because my heart was melting as I stared and reflected on the beauty of the bloom.  I picked off one of the blooms and held it in my hand hoping that it would speak to me.  It also had five petals with three that were on top that I instantly thought of the Trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The two petals at the bottom spoke of my daughter and I.  What does that mean?

I sat on the park bench and just kept staring at the petal praying that it would speak to me.  On the one top petal that represents the Father were mingled yellow-green markings on it.  As I sat quietly, the wind was blowing softly rustling the leaves with a sound similar to flowing water.

As I was sitting on the park bench, I heard footsteps behind me and as I turned it was a friend that I had not seen in a long time that noticed I was there.  He approached me and said that he noticed I was there meditating and he wanted to give me something to put on my desk and handed me a small potted plant called a creeping sedum.  He told me that it gets a beautiful pink bloom on it and that he hoped it would bring me joy.

What are the synchronistic possibilities of that happening?  What does that mean?  I begin to be amazed at how mysteriously God works and reveals Himself with through His creation and others.  God certainly was present with me in all of my coming and goings of this day so far.

Then I reflected and wondered that maybe I am like the duck that feels all alone with one duckling?  Even though I am on the path that I know God has divinely orchestrated, the path can often feel lonely.  On the path, God let me smell his sweet honeysuckle aroma revealing to me that He is close with me.  When I feel like there is so much darkness around me, He shows me his bursting beauty through azalea blossoms that are lavender that represents Spirit that is dotted with yellow-green patterns that show energy and new growth that is being birthed from the Father.  I noticed that the azalea bush is called bloom-a-thon lavender.  Bloom-a-thon?  Maybe running a race at a steady pace with patience and endurance for the long haul that just keeps blooming and blooming?  Then an old friend synchronistically appeared on the same path that would hand me a creeping sedum to bring me joy!  I sat there emotional again in awe of how God was showing His Glory and mystery.

As I began to leave, I come upon a sapling tree with a baby blue jay resting on the limb that is apparently just learning to fly.  God speaks to me and says that He too is equipping me to fly just like the blue jay in the tree.  Once I learn to fly being navigated by the Holy Spirit, I too will be like the azalea bloom bursting of inner beauty and light ministering to others with great love, patience, and endurance for the long haul planting seeds for more blossoms to come forth.  As I get to the pond, ironically it is full of ducks and ducklings where God reminds me that I am not alone.  Just as He brought a friend to me when I least expected, He too will surround me with others that will come along to nourish my heart, mind, body and soul.  He affirmed that I am never alone and He has given me exactly what I need right when I need it. 

God, thank you for showing your presence all around me this morning reminding me that when I am still, you will show up in amazing and profound ways.  I am so thankful that I acknowledged the Sarah Young devotional from Jesus Calling that said to "Be still in My Presence, inviting Me to control your thoughts. Let My Light soak into your mind and heart, until you are aglow with My very Being. This is the most effective way to receive My Peace."  Not only did You give me peace, you gave me affirmation that everything that is happening is in your control and you are in the middle of all of it beyond my understanding and comprehension.  I just need to pay attention!  Thank you God for giving my heart butterfly flutters of your love today! 

P.S. - I later looked up the characteristics of the creeping sedum.  It said that it thrives on neglect.  It is a tough-as-nails plant with colorful flowers that can even survive and bounce back when it is stepped on.   It is drought-tolerant that blooms nearly all season and will grow where other plants can't live. They can even grow out of rocky ground or stone walls.  Profound symbolism in my own personal story.  God is Almighty!

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

Holy Land Final Days & Affirmation to Let My Life Speak

The last three days of my Palestine/Israel trip were the most powerful experiences and affirmations from the Holy Spirit.  It began once I arrived in Nazareth and visited the site of Mary's Well and Church of the Annunciation where Mary was visited by the angel to let her know that she was favored by God and would give birth to a son named Jesus, our Lord and Savior.  I resonated with Mary because I know too that I have been called for a specific reason and purpose.  I am being called into ministry to serve others and save souls.  Just as I am sure Mary felt scared, overwhelmed and asking the question of how God could possibly use her, I too have had the same questions and resisted the calling.  God has been patient and graceful through this process with me by continuing to give me outward signs, words of affirmations from others and a desire upon my heart that won't go away.  I can't even ignore it because of its intensity.

Our hotel room was along the Sea of Galilee and every free opportunity I had I would have my feet in the water.  This evening was different and I felt called to go sit in the water and meditate in the water.  I sat in waist deep water for probably 30 to 40 minutes.  It was an amazing feeling that I have never experienced before.  I have never meditated in a body of water much less the Sea of Galilee.  As I sat there feeling the water hit up against me nudging my body I heard God say,

"You are the buoy and I am the living water that anchors you.  No matter what storms, winds, or intense heat surround you, I will sustain you and not let you sink.  Just as a buoy is free floating so too will you be free floating going along with the waves or my nudges of where I want you to go."

As I sat there, I had an amazing peace within me knowing that I am acknowledging and accepting my calling.  I no longer feel scared but now ready to take the next step.

Little did I know the following day that when we started out that I would rededicate my baptism at the Baptismal Site on the Jordan River.  But then again, everything that I had experienced up to this point I know led to this life changing and conformational moment.

On our last day along the Sea of Galilee at our final retreat God spoke to me with concrete affirmation through two stones.  The first stone was triangular in shape with one side all smooth that resembled me in the past that looked all put together.  However, when I turned the stone over, it was dirty, rough, many imperfections, resembled pain, hurt, trauma, sin and unresolved issues.  What I noticed about this stone was that it was in the shape of a triangle representing the trinity of the, Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  So through all of my past circumstances and filth, God was there with me right where I was the entire time even though I may not have known or felt His presence.  The second stone resembled new.  It was the new me or the new me that I wanted to achieve.  It was almost a perfect heart on both sides that was smooth and beautiful.  It did not matter which side you flipped it to they both looked the same.  That is what I want for myself.  I want to be smooth, pure and in the image of Christ no matter what side you flip me on.


I remember as I was sitting with my feet in the Sea of Galilee, I had three minnows that were swimming in and around my toes playing.  It was actually tickling my feet to the point that I began to laugh outwardly.  I was joyful and thought that I too can now be joyful about this calling instead of mourning it like I have been for the past three years.  I can actually say that I am joyful for this calling that God has placed upon my heart.  I will embrace this calling and the unknown instead of resisting it.  I will accept this calling and walk it out to fruition leaving all doubts behind me.  This vision is greater than me and I will abandon my narrow minded thinking of selfish desires that are impermanent.  I will rely solely on spirit to guide me to release all flesh and worldly distractions.  No longer do I have to do this alone, but I will embrace partnerships and others that God puts beside me to bring this vision to fruition.  It is about a community of love and not self seeking recognition.  It is about the unseen opportunities that my limited eye sight can't recognize.  It is about being open to the spirit's leading and I'm finished with my preconceived plans.  It's about letting my life speak through Jesus Christ so that all can see His light, truths, promises and eternal glory of where heaven meets earth.

Thank you God for using the Holy Land trip that would transform me to hear, see, feel and receive this gift from you.  The gift I have received must be shared and expressed with others to glorify your Holy Name.  Amen!