God's Story of Selling My Home

This journey of selling my home began back in October of 2012 when God asked me to put my home on the market.  I did it but not with a complete willing heart.  It was on the market for two months and I had several showings, but no offers.  Around Christmas time I decided to take it off the market because of the season knowing that it would not get much activity.  I was also wondering if God was just testing me to see if I would be obedient and do what He asked of me.  To tell you the truth, I was relieved that I was sensing that it was only a test and I could stay at my home. 

Over Christmas break from Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) where I was finishing up my Master of Arts in Counseling degree, I took the entire three weeks off to meditate, pray and rest in God’s presence.  I was really looking forward to this time.  Little did I know that he would take me to my inner depths that I did not even know existed?  I call it dark night of the soul.  Not just one time, but two times.  He was pointing out some realizations about me that I needed to work on as well as bringing to consciousness things from my past that I had repressed with no recollection of them.  I also had unresolved pain and hurt of dealing with a divorce, finding out my daughter was born with congenital heart defect that caused her chronic illness and my own personal stuff that I was carrying.   I felt like I was all by myself.  It was at this place though over Christmas where I heard God speak to me and place on my heart a vision of what he was orchestrating for me.  God told me that everything that I have done up to this point that he is going to use.  It is not your typical ministry and one that I could not even orchestrate.  I am in awe of what God is unfolding.  None of this was in my plans.

After graduating from EMU, I went to Israel/Palestine for a month with Seminary at EMU and God was really speaking into me there and affirming that it was time for me to get out of the boat by beginning to put systems and order into place for this vision.  So when I returned, I began to work more on the next steps for the vision, but I was getting some roadblocks and in fact I am still waiting on one major one to open up in which God revealed to me that I needed to sell my house before that door could open up.  There was also this urgency for me to put my house on the market and I really didn't understand why.  I was working tirelessly for an entire week to get the house ready.  I had two agents from my office that wanted to show the house before it went onto the market.  This time, my heart was right and I had a peace about it because I knew that this was the next step in order for God to open the next door to where I am supposed to go.  It was not easy, but I knew it is what I had to do.  I didn’t want to miss God’s blessing for me or others that I will be serving.  I had a knowing that this was the time so I asked my next door neighbor to come over and anoint my house with me and to pray for the perfect people that would love my home as much as I have and would be the perfect neighbors for the people that I love so much.  When I met the family that previewed my home, I just had a peace and knowing that they were the ones that God had sent to live in my home.   I was so thankful that they loved my home enough to make an offer, but it was a low offer and one that I knew I did not have the resources to be able to accept.  I prayed to God fervently asking Him to stir their hearts and rekindle their interest in my home with another offer.  I was so restless that entire time waiting on God, wondering, doubting and questioning what He was doing.  God was getting me up at 2, 3 and 4 am in the mornings demanding time to meditate with Him.  I spent a lot of personal time with Him multiple times throughout the day.   During this entire time He continued to tell me to trust and believe and have faith that all of this is being worked out in his divine time. 

Then, the revised offer came on the morning of July 4^th.  I could not believe it.  I was happy that their hearts were stirred & rekindled just as I had prayed, but I wondered how I could accept this offer and accomplish what I needed to do to take care of me moving.  I knew I wanted to spend the day with God in meditation and prayer, but I already had a committment that day to go with a friend to visit someone in a nursing home that had a serious open stomach wound to visit, pray and anoint her.

Once I left from that visit, I was driving around looking for the perfect place to meditate and be with God.  I wanted to be somewhere close to water but everywhere I went, it was crowded because of the holiday.  Then as I was giving up and heading home, I came upon Mill Creek Church of the Brethren on Port Republic Road.  I was being led to pull into the parking lot.  As I sat in the parking lot, I noticed a gazebo under some shade trees and knew that was where I was supposed to be.  I grabbed my blanket, journal and Bible and sat on the floor of the gazebo reading scriptures that my prayer partner had texted me that she sensed God gave her for me as I was praying about this.  Those scriptures were Proverbs 16:1; 3:2,7,8,9,11,16; 15:17; 23:6; 14:6 & 10:2.  They were perfect so I sat and meditated to see if I heard anything.  Nothing came.  I was sort of sensing that I was supposed to sell, but I had not received anything affirming from God that assured me that was what I supposed to do.  Another reason I was sensing that this was right is because the previous week I had received a letter from one of my past retired Bridgewater College professors that used to teach Old and New Testament.  I reconnected with him in the past couple of years and we have stayed in touch.  However, he did not realize that I had been out of the country and he had been trying to get in touch with me by calling me and even stopping at my work place.  So he decided to write me a letter.  I was delighted to get his letter of his updates and he was asking about Kendall and I.  He then shared with me that his partner was selling her townhome which is near EMU.  I thought hmmmm, how did I miss that in MLS and not see it.  So I looked it up, but then discounted it because I did not want to buy, but rent so that I could be completely free from maintenance and not be tied down.  So I went to look at an apartment for rent and did not get a good energy feeling about it.  As I was leaving I thought about the townhome again and called for a showing.  Amazingly on such short notice it worked out.  I went and instantly felt at peace when I walked in.  It is completely 1970’s and outdated, but none of that mattered to me.  I felt a peace.  The same peace when I walked into my current home when I bought it.  I stayed for a long time.  Ironically, in June of 2012, I dreamed that I bought a townhouse almost exact list price as this townhome and it was on the golf course instead of on EMU campus.  However, I love EMU campus and have a peace there just as I do for the golf course.  God gives me prophetic dreams often.  I believe it is his way of preparing me for a change in order to get my heart ready and prepared for the next thing. 

As I gathered up my belongings to leave the gazebo at Mill Creek Church of the Brethren, I put them into my car and felt a tug to walk through the graveyard.  So I did and as I opened the gate and walked through, I felt a presence with me and got goose bumps  from my head all the way down my entire body and I began to weep.  I wondered what was happening to me?  In which I knew – God showed up!  But more importantly what was He going to say to me?  As I look up at a gravestone that caught my attention, it had a solar light butterfly on the top of it that instantly spoke to me of reassurance as God has done before in the past to know that I can trust him.  As I kept walking, two angels side by side were on top of two gravestones which affirmed that I am being led and not alone in this.  As I walked to the back part of the graveyard and turned around, the gravestones dominated my view with the majestic back drop of Mill Creek Church of the Brethren.  I now knew why God led me here and He spoke to me and said, "it is here in June 2012 where you received the Pastor’s for Peace Living Peace Award."  My heart melted and I began to sob as I heard God say that he brought me here to give me peace about accepting this offer .  I felt it and knew that was God’s answer but there was still my human doubt questioning that I would not have enough money to make the move.  I thought maybe I should counter, maybe I should ask to meet them half way, maybe this, maybe that…my thoughts were racing as I was heading back to my car.  As I got to the gate, I looked over to the far right edge of the graveyard and saw another angel that pulled me to the gravestone.  As soon as I stepped in front of it, under the angel it said, “Darling, Jesus is With You.”  I knew that all of these affirmations were no coincidence and that these were messages from God.  This was my answer to accept this price.  I was to trust and believe that God already had it all worked out.  That is when I asked to have the offer in writing and that I wanted another day to pray and do an absolute fast.  I just knew though that was the right answer and I wrote in my journal, God, whatever your will, whatever your will.  I give my all to you.  I want to know more of you so whatever your will.

That day I also I had two devotionals that spoke to me in affirming ways.  The first one was by

Joan Borysenko that said “The Godseed within is coming to flower in the radiant light of summer.
Listening to the voice of intuition we realize our life’s purpose, using our gifts with joy in the service of all beings.”

This is what God is calling me to do and be.  “To be a servant building a community of love.”  This is the mission statement that he gave me over Christmas break for the vision.  I am going to be serving, loving, healing and saving souls.

The second devotional was supported by scripture in Exodus 33:14 that said, “The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you and I will give you rest – everything will be fine for you.” 

 So how do I argue or doubt with all of that????

I signed the contract with some minor changes so the purchasers only needed to initial those changes if they were acceptable to them.  I was notified that they wanted to meet with me before initialing the contract.  I was excited but also nervous to meet with them.  They ended up spending about three hours with me.  It was very emotional sharing my testimony and my love for my home that God was asking me to surrender to Him for this next door to open up.  I was in awe of their testimony of how God was working in their life to get them to this place at this exact moment.  They are an amazing family and are moving here to start a ministry as well.  As I had been praying about their offer, they too had been praying asking God for His guidance and wisdom in what to do.  The morning of July 4th at 2 am, the wife was awakened by God and He audibly told her what to offer me for the house and told her that I would accept it.  So that is what prompted them to make another offer on my home.  Of course, you know that I accepted it and yes the purchaser's accepted the minor changes as well. 

That evening I took a walk to the river.  As I was walking there, I was wondering if a snake skin that I had seen was still laying on a rock near where I sit.  As soon as I got to the river, that is the first thing that I looked for and it was gone.  I heard "it is done"!  This phase of my life is done.  I don't know entirely what that means, but I am hoping that years of pain and suffering may be finally healing  and over with.  The shedding of a snake skin symbolizes transformation and a new phase in life.  Now that my house was under contract, maybe this is the end of a phase and the beginning of a new one. 

I decided to take my shoes off to allow the water to flow over my legs and feet.  While sitting there, a bunch of fish began to jump out of the river like I have never seen before in all the times that I have been at this place.  Once I got back home, I did some research to find the symbolism of what I just experienced.  C.G. Jung said fish symbolized the self or the inner Christ.  I also found an interpretation meaning "one is leaving their abode/habitat to enter into the next phase".  As I was watching the fish, it was almost like a celebration or dance was happening.  Fish also represent change and transformation.  In Christianity, fish represent faith and abundance as observed in the Biblical story of fishes and loaves.  Biblical reference can also be found about Christ and His disciples being "fishers of men."  Man represents the transformational fish - maybe that is what the celebrating and jumping fish were expressing to me.  They were celebrating this new phase of my life.

So on July 6th, I had a fully ratified contract on my personal home.  Three days later I made an offer on the townhome where I feel God led me.  I find out from the listing agent that the seller has a similar story to mine so she and I have a heart connection and we have not even met at this point.  Later that evening I had a ratified contract on the townhome that I am purchasing.   Again, I go to the river to meditate to see what God will reveal to me.  As I am sitting at the river with my shoes submersed in the water that is overflowing my legs, some neighbors come with their dogs so I decide to get up and walk down the middle of the river to the side that I call the peaceful side.  As I am standing at a certain waterhole spot where I often stand, I am greeted regularly by the same fish each time.  It is just one and it is always the same one.  This time it swam closer to me than it has in the past.  The all of a sudden there were bursts of rainbow colors that was surfacing to the top of the water.  This has never occurred to me before.  The only way I could describe it in my journal was that it was like random colors of fireworks or kaleidascop patterns coming to the top of the water.  I saw nothing under the water that would contribute to this and I even tried to take photos of what I was seeing and experiencing.  It was amazing and nothing like I had ever seen before.  I was so joyful at the mysticism that I was experiencing from God.  I knew that this was all of God and He was letting me know how joyful He was that I was following His leading. 

That evening I wrote in my journal that I could not wait for God to reveal the bigger picture and His glory to me of what He is unfolding for myself, but also for all of those that are questioning me, doubting me, calling me crazy and even irrational.  I knew from these few days of how I was experiencing God's mystery and affirmations that there is more and I can't wait to experience it.  I prayed and spoke to God that I just knew He was going to show me His amazing works just as He says and promises in Isaiah 40:5, "And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and mankind together will see it.  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."  Yes, God has spoken to me in profound ways!  I have heard, seen, felt, experienced and know that He is working all things for the greater good and His glory will be revealed.  He tells us in Psalm 37:4 to delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As I have witnessed God's supernatural beauty and works, He has captured my heart.  I am mesmerized by what He has already done in my life so I continue to try to deny myself even more and surrender more of my self to Him and His ways.  I want to experience more of His supernatural abilities and gifts in my life.  This entire transaction has been the most effortless one I have ever had in my 17 years of real estate.  I am already moved into my new home and the purchaser's of my home have already moved in as well.  We close on August 5th.  I am excited and expectant to see what doors open once I close.  I will keep you posted on the progression as it unfolds.



 

 

 

The Bridge is the Middle Way

As I was walking this evening I naturally gravitated to the river again.  This time I stood on the concrete bridge and looked over the opposite side which is downstream from where I usually sit.  As I stood there with my hands on the concrete bridge I felt vibrations going through my entire body.  Was it possible that the water currents were causing the vibrations?  I just stood there and experienced it thinking how is it possible that the water currents could create and penetrate that much energy through the concrete bridge?  Then I thought this is a no brainer!  It is Jesus' living water full of vibrancy and power that actually could do this to bring an awareness to me.

I then walked over to the other side where I usually sit and looked over the edge.  There was a noticeable difference upstream then it was downstream.  Upstream where I usually sit was rapid currents, rocks protruding out of the water, louder noise from the currents and a lot of debris along the edges.  So I walked back over to the downstream side and noticed the water was peaceful, calm, lush green grass of islands and it was quieter on this side.

As I was reflecting what this possibly could represent, I walked down the bank to sit beside the river.  I just kept staring up at the bridge as I sat there.  Then a thought came to me that the bridge is the middle way.  The bridge is the middle connection or crossover from our pain and suffering to the future of peace and calm. 

What happens on the bridge or the middle way until we crossover from the past into the future?  It is a transformational process of where we must go to many times to remove thoughts and memories of the past but also not looking ahead into the future with our preconceived plans and desires.  Looking to the past and into the future is a reaction from an overbearing or underbearing ego that can respond in harmful ways toward ourselves and even others.  It is at this place on the bridge or the middle way where we should spend a lot of quiet time in meditation and prayer asking God to help us keep our thoughts on the present moment and our surroundings.  When we experience times of recalling past hurts, losses or memories we need to release them by lifting them up to God to take.  When we have ambitious thoughts about our future wants, plans or desires again we need to release them by lifting them up to God.

It is at the bridge or the middle way connection where God is cultivating, pruning and ripening our spiritual life so that we can experience a fruitful life of peace and contentment in the present moment no matter what comes our way.  This evening it was evident that across the bridge downstream, it definitely looked more green, lush and calm.  We always want to rush the process or people tell us to just get over our grief and move on.  It is not that simple.  The middle way is probably the most important part of the process and where we should spend most of our time by even revisiting it often on a moment-by-moment basis so that we can maintain this peace.  This will be an ongoing life commitment and discipline.  I am going to be intentional of spending more time on the bridge in the middle so that I can experience peace and calm in my life so that when unexpected things come my way, I am more equipped to handle them.


As I write this, I can still recall and feel the vibrations and energy running through my body at the bridge.  This was an enlightening and powerful experience of what God revealed to me about staying on the bridge in the middle by not rushing the process but sitting and staying in the present moment.  It is at this place where peace, wellness and wholeness can be achieved for ourselves that will overflow positively into others making a mind, body, soul and spirit connection.

Say YES!

photo credit: 
http://yessolarpueblo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/yes-logo.jpg

I was being called to the river again today to spend one on one time with God.  I was walking briskly and felt so much joy not knowing what God would reveal or speak to me.  I crossed over the guard rail and climbed down onto the river rocks beside the water.  As I was getting ready to sit down, a snake slithered under the rock where I usually sit.  I wondered what I was supposed to do and what did that mean.  Beside this rock in the water I saw a snake skin that had just recently been shed.

Perhaps that is my message that I too am shedding more of my old self, habits, desires, plans and ways.  There certainly has been a lot of radical changes in my life in the past several months.  Some of the changes so radical that I have been called irrational and crazy.  From my flesh way of being I guess I can understand why it would be perceived that I am irrational and crazy.  However, from my spirit way of being I feel set free, joyful and the most excitement that I have experienced in my life.  I know where God is leading me and what He is asking me to do is for a greater purpose that is bigger than me.  It is about total abandonment of my self, desires, wishes and plans by single-mindedly focusing on Him to lead, guide and direct my steps that show me that He is more than abundantly able to use me for His honor and glory.  

I know that in order to walk through the next door for God to unfold the vision that He has placed on my heart, He is asking me to sell my house as well as my possession.  I must admit, at first I didn't think that I could sell all of my possession.  I am still pondering if He really means for me to sell my family antiques.  This of course has brought about much conflict and attacks from family and others that don't understand why God would ask me to do this.  I understand their confusion, but I also understand what God is revealing to me as well.  He has opened my eyes that I am distracted, tied down and in bondage to my house, my belongings and debt.  He wants to set me free so that I won't have any worldly distraction so that I can fully focus on Him and being His servant to serve others who are lost, broken and spiritually depleted.  He wants me to be free to accept and love others fully and unconditionally.  It's that simple.  I simply need to focus on God first allowing Him to cut away and prune more of my imperfections so that I will be able to bear His fruit making me available and free for the harvest that will follow.

At first it seemed like a sacrifice, but now I see it as a gift that He is giving me.  I am gaining so much more than I am losing.  God is wooing me into something big and I want more of His wooing!  Because of His unconditional love, patience and grace with me, He has given me strength and courage to stay focused on Him and the vision that He has placed on my heart.

So the shedding of the old snake skin was the old me that has died and been reborn into the new of what God originally intended me to do, live and be for Him.  I am reminded of the scripture in Psalm 40:3 that says "He will put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  Not only has He made me new, but He has given me a new song and desire.  I now embrace this new life purpose mission and song for my life.  Brad Kuster said "Let your life be defined by who you are in Christ and you can live more simply when you go through a life priority adjustment."  My eyes, my focus, my priority is God first in all things and to "But seek first his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

I am excited about living simply, but boldly, courageously and radically for the Lord no matter how irrational and crazy it may seem.  I have found the answer to true happiness and joy and it is nothing that this world can give me.  Thank you God for quickening my heart, enlightening my mind and awakening my soul.  Your spirit lives in Me.  Hallelujah! 

As I finished writing this, a black dragon fly with deep beautiful turquoise on it kept flying around me joyfully.  I have never seen a dragonfly like this before!  I wonder what message it was trying to speak to me?   Also the entire time I have been sitting by the river, there was also a duck sitting on an island of grass in the middle of the river.  It is speaking of peace and rest in the lush green grass while God's living water flows, controls and orchestrates everything in our lives.  We don't have to do anything other than say "Yes" to allow God to have His way with us.  To say "Yes" to the things we can't control.  To say "Yes" to things we don't understand.  To say "Yes" that God does know the plans for us.  To say "Yes" to walking into the unknown.  To say "Yes" that we do trust and believe in God.  To say "Yes" to the calling.  By saying "Yes" we release and defeat the enemy's bondage of fear, anxiety and worry.  Say "YES" and you will be free.

Now it won't be perfect.  There will be trials and circumstance that come our way.  Just as I am sitting here, I have three mosquitoes that keep attacking me.  So just as nature and life have trials and distractions, we too will experience them.  But it is how we approach these trials and distraction by going to God first.  He will be with us and see us through it and reveal to us either a lesson or way of strengthening our character.  So I encourage you to say "Yes" to whatever you may be experiencing or going through and let God show you how He can bring you through it.  He wants your full attention and love! 

You Pick...Superficial or Supernatural?

The moon from my patio.

It is 2 am on June 25, 2013, and I can't sleep.  I feel restless so I sit up on the side of my bed and try to meditate to see if I can hear God's voice.  Maybe this is a prompting from Him to reveal something to me or maybe He is just wanting me to be in His presence.

As I am sitting here, I notice a bright light coming in through my bedroom window.  I get up and look out.  I can't see the moon, but I know it is the light from the moon.  I decide to go downstairs and put on a light jacket and go outside and sit on my patio just looking up and staring at the full moon. 

I have always been enamored by the moon and there has always been a natural tendency for me to be in awe of the moon's feminine energy that it exudes.  As I was thoughtlessly staring at the moon, the light was radiating creating an outline of the trees, the buildings, the barn and the farm landscape.  The sky was so clear with only a few clouds that were standing still motionless.  There was this calm and quietness where nothing at all could be heard.  I didn't even hear one car go by on Rt. 257 which is very unusual.  Then I heard my next door neighbor's composter automatically turn on.  I could hear it tossing the dead things inside it around so that with time and going through a natural heat process that it would produce beautiful, rich nourishing fertilizer that he could use on his yard, garden or field.

I began to reflect and think that is exactly what God does to us in our lives.  He slowly and patiently prunes and clips away at all of our deeply rooted dead stuff of sin, our imperfections, and false personas that we put on.  This is a very painful process, but He knows how to apply enough pressure and heat that will make us surrender these dead parts of ourselves without breaking us but by composting us into rich, nourishing spiritual fertilizer that He can use for us to be in the image of Christ.  It is at this place that He is more than abundantly able to use our spiritual fertilizer so that we can then be His disciples to spread our spiritual fertilizer into others lives helping them to fully grow into a transformational relationship with Jesus Christ.

Each day we must examine those dead parts of ourselves and throw them off into the composter so that God can tumble and refine us into His rich spiritual fertilizer.  This daily process is what releases our full potential in Jesus Christ so that we can be obedient and recklessly abandoned followers for Him without any obstacles or distractions.  This process comes with sacrifices because we may be called and led to give up the most important relationships to us, our families, our possessions, our plans, our desires, secure job, etc.  These things have been what is most comfortable to us and what we know. 

Are we going to choose to radically follow Christ by recklessly abandoning everything that we know, that gives us this security and that is comfortable?  Or are we going to remain comfortable and stagnant by not experiencing what God has fully planned for our lives?   

I personally don't want to miss the calling that God has placed upon my heart, so I have chosen to step out in faith and the uncertainty by continually examining myself everyday to determine where I need to deny and abandon myself even more.  I ask myself, do I want to settle for the superficial things of this world, or do I want to experience the supernatural abundance and glory of God?  I know it's not easy as I am finding out in my own spiritual journey.  It comes with much pain and sacrifices, but I am not willing to stay comfortable and not experience the pain so that God can reveal to me His supernatural abundance and joy He wants me to fully experience.

What about you?  Do you pick the superficial or are you going for the supernatural?  I would love to hear your pick and what have you had to surrender to be in God's will?

Peace and blessings to you with abundant grace and kindness through this process. 

Released My Lemons

For the past couple of days I have been diligently de-cluttering and cleaning my home because God has revealed to me again that I should sell it.  This afternoon I was cleaning my windows but had a spirit of agitation, anger, frustration, restlessness and anxiousness as I was doing it.  I was really sad and would cry off and on.  My heart was even hurting feeling like someone was squeezing and stretching it all at the same time.  I know there was a part of me that was grieving and mourning more of what God wanted me to surrender. 

Tuesday evening I was invited to Faith Outreach Ministries in Pleasant Valley where they host a women's group each month called, Inspiring Women of Virtue.  They had a guest speaker, Gail Little, from Danville, West Virginia.  Her message was "When Life Gives You Lemons."  Gail compared our life to Nehemiah whose spirit was broken and overwhelmed because of the destruction of the City Walls in Jerusalem.  She said Nehemiah did not just sit there though. She said he kept moving and he helped to rebuild and reestablish the City Walls.  That is exactly what we must do.  She said, "The Lord will make a way for us no matter what we are going through, but we have to take steps and put legs on our prayers." 

The lemons that the enemy is throwing at us she encouraged us to dodge them and in order to dodge them we have to keep moving making it difficult for the enemy to hit our moving target.  Gail said, "God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power and we are spiritual giants."  We must put our faith and works together because God wants us to step out and do what he has placed on our heart. 

Gail closed with a powerful statement and said that "we need to get a vision of VICTORY.  Whatever you have been praying for, close your eyes and see it there." 

Driving home from this event, I reflected and felt that God used Gail to speak to me giving me further affirmation that it is time for me to move.  This move is a bold and courageous one in many aspects and levels, not just my home.  It is time for me to get out of the boat and stop trying to hold on to all of the things that I have not wanted to let go of.  If I can't let go of what God is asking me to surrender, I can't walk through the door for the new opportunity and vision that God has placed upon my heart.  I have been standing in the middle of the boat with one hand holding on to the past of what I know that is secure and comfortable not wanting to get out of my comfort zone.  My other hand was reaching forward to the new opportunity of what God wants to give me.  God has been patient, kind and full of grace with me and assured me that there is no negotiating with Him of me having both.

In fact, once I got home, I felt the need to run.  It is a time of meditation for me and I instantly heard God say, "surrender all and sell everything."  I thought, oh my gosh, everything?  I don't know if I can do that.  Most items in my house I can, but there are a few family antiques that I am not ready to surrender  yet.  God revealed to me that in order for me to move into the next thing that he has prepared for me that I need to let go of the impermanent things that are holding me back.

So yes, as I was washing my windows this afternoon, I was experiencing conflicting feelings and emotions of why it had to be this way which was stirring me up in a negative way inside.  Then I heard God tell me to go to the river and release your lemons.  I was thinking that I am in the middle of cleaning my windows and I don't have the house anywhere ready for a Saturday showing.  He was persistent though.  So I grabbed two lemons, my camera, phone and off I went to the river again. 

About half way there on the dirt road, I encountered a calf that was laying in tall weeds at the edge of the road and it actually scared me. He looked sick and was really young.  He was weak and I don't know how long he had been away from his momma cow.  I knew I had to help get the calf back into the field and get it with its momma cow, but this was getting in the way of me going to the river to release my lemons.  So I got the calf up and tried...that is tried to lead it.  So then I got behind it to try to push it and then all of a sudden its hind leg did a cow kick and hit me in my shin.  I had tears in my eyes and was thinking, I am only trying to help you out.  Once I got him in the field.  I continued on my walk to the river, but an awareness came to me on my way there.  I was being obedient by following through with what God wanted me to do by releasing my lemons, but I came upon an obstacle and distraction.  That is exactly what the enemy does to us when we are on the right path following God.  The enemy will use anything to distract us and get us off the path that God has ordained for us and yes, even kick us in the shin to get us down or frustrated so that we give up. 

Once I got to the river, I just held my lemons and reflected on all of the lemons in my life that I need to release.  They were things from the past, sin, false parts of myself, possessions, my plans, and my desires.  I asked God to make me aware of any thing else that may be hidden in my heart that I may not be aware of.  I sat there for a long time.  I wondered if there was a part of me that was waiting to hear from God or was I delaying releasing my lemons that have been weighing me down and holding me back. 

Then God told me to release my lemons by sitting in the water.  I was supposed to release the lemons and then fall back into the water immersing my entire body and head under the water so that He could cleanse me of all of my lemons.  I questioned, but then slowly stepped into the water with my walking shoes and fully clothed.  The water was frigid but once I sat down in the water, it wasn't too bad.  The current was pretty swift and I almost floated down the river.  Then, I released the lemons and took pictures as I did so.  Without hesitation, I fell back into the water and fully immersed my body and head into the water.  It took my breath away!  As soon as I sat up, I looked for my lemons to see where they were in the river.  They were already floating away and at this point, I was still feeling heavy. 

On my walk back to my home, the first thing I was thinking was that I hope no one would drive by and see me walking completely soak and wet in street clothes.  I was cold and shivering, but there was something refreshing about what had just happened.  I was feeling lighter, peace and joy.  The heaviness on my heart was gone.  Then I realized that in fact God did just deliver me from the lemons in my life that has had a stronghold on me keeping me stuck.  No longer are the lemons going to sour my joy, no longer are they going to squeeze my heart with fear, and no longer are they going to prevent me from living out my life purpose and mission that God has orchestrated for me. 

Gail's message was inspired from James 1:2 that says, "Consider it a pure joy my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Then the scripture that God has given me this week that I have been reflecting on is Psalm 40, but specifically verses 7-8 that says,
                                                      "Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
                                                       it is written about me in the scroll.
                                                                               I desire to do your will, my God;
                                                       your law is within my heart.”

Just as my shirt says, I LOVE God.  Yes, God is my Father, my Husband, my Lover, my Provider, my Rock, my Salvation, and my Counselor.  In Him I am all things and can do all things that strengthens me, so yes God, here I am!  I do desire to do your will.   Thanks for helping me to release my lemons.  I am expectant for the new opportunity!

Be Mindful: Your Life Answers Await You!

Today I was being led to walk and go to the river again.  On my way there, I wondered what God would reveal to me during my time of meditation with Him there.  As I sat on a rock close to the water, I watched the rapids flow, felt the water sporadically splashing up on me, and listened calmly to the currents gentle flow.  It is always so peaceful sitting at the river and my mind goes clear with no thoughts, plans or worries. 

As I was looking into the water on a rock,  I saw four snails clinging against the currents.  I thought that they must have amazing strength and endurance to withstand the currents.  Then right in front of the snails in the water I noticed an acorn.  I reached down and picked it up.  It was water logged and black instead of brown from being in the water for so long.  I just stared at the acorn wondering what it symbolized and what it would say to me.  I decided to carry the acorn back home with me.  I felt like the snails and the acorn were relaying a message to me.  As I meditated upon them, they did in fact reveal affirmations to me.

Why do I even share this or spend so much time observing nature around me?  I believe that nature and the universal energies around us are all interconnected to Our Heavenly Father.  I believe that the inherit characteristics and occurrences of nature around us is a metaphor to our own waking life speaking to us in the moment with whatever we may be dealing with.  When you are out in nature among the surroundings, your mind will unconsciously focus or become attentive to an object.  A cosmic energy or force has unconsciously connected and I believe it has a message for you.

My experience with the four freshwater snails and the acorn were definitely a message and affirmation to me with where I am at on my life journey.  I encourage you to be more mindful of nature and your surroundings.  The answers to your prayers that you have been seeking probably has been right under your nose.  This is what I took from my personal experience this evening which is summed up in a poem by Napoleon Hill.

          "The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and
             hidden from the sun.  It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to
             struggle for existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun."

Allow and give yourself personal space to be still and to be mindful.  Your answers await you.  Shalom!

All I Could See Was the Struggle

On Tuesday I discovered that I had lost my wallet with my cash and bank card.  I frantically started to retrace my steps and knew that I lost it somewhere between our Monday evening stop at the Rite Aid, our walk on the beach or when we returned to our condo.  I was looking everywhere!  I looked in my car I know at least 5 times, I looked all over the condo, and even traced steps outside.  Then it hit me that I had taken the trash out to the dumpster, so yes, I went to the dumpster found our trash bag and even dug through the nasty trash bag.  Nothing! 

Next I began the daunting task of calling my bank to discontinue my two bank accounts.  In the middle of all of this, I texted a friend and asked for prayers who also sent out a text to other prayer partners asking for prayer.  I also tried to keep my composure and to continue to trust and pray through all of this.  It was not an easy task because now I had no money at all and I knew it would take $100 in gas money to get us home in which I did not have access too.  I called my mom and told her what happened.  Our cousin was with her and she did not hesitate one bit and said that she would go to the Western Union and send me money for us to stay at Myrtle Beach and continue our vacation.  She said this was not going to cut our vacation short when that is all she had to do.  I was ready to come home.  My cousin was insistent so we accepted her gracious offer to send us money.

As I have been reflecting on this experience, I know now that this was fierce attacks from the enemy.  Since we have been here, I have been writing a lot in my journals of what God has been revealing to me over the past three years.  I also brought my old journals and what is evolving is a daily devotional that I hope will be something publishable about my personal trials, experiences and conversations with God of what He revealed to me during those times.  It has been very empowering and comforting for me to do this because throughout my journals even though I am struggling, God is giving me affirmations encouraging me to trust and believe in what He is doing in my life.  It was the first time in a long time that I had experienced enthusiasm because God all along has been affirming me, His plans and the vision that He placed on my heart.  At the time, all I could see was the struggle!  Going through this process of transcribing my journals into my daily devotions eliminated my doubts, fears and insecurities. 

What is interesting is that the word "enthusiasm" is a Greek word which means possessed by God.  God has been with me so I am not doing this alone nor am I doing it in my strength.  Enthusiasm is empowering me to do what I was intended and created to do.  I love this quote by Eckhart Tolle that says "Enthusiasm wants nothing because it lacks nothing!"  I was beginning to claim all of my God given talents and knew that God was going to use them all for this vision.  I was feeling invigorated and passionate about the possibilities and the potential that God was getting ready to unravel within me.  I felt like there was nothing that I could not do because I knew that God dwelled within me and he has shown me my life purpose and soul mission which gives me much enthusiasm.  The enthusiasm is deep within me because I know it is nothing of me and that I am going to be serving God and His people.  I sat in awe of what God just revealed to me, and I had the most amazing feeling in my chest that radiated through my entire body with warmth, love and peace.  I knew that God was so close to me walking, leading and guiding me each step of the way. 

So Tuesday evening when I was getting ready to go to bed, I physically had a sick bodily felt sense of trembling inside my body all over with no control over it with cold chills to my inner core.  I was feeling the stress of my lost wallet and personal struggles.  I prayed and meditated but nothing seemed to get rid of this feeling.  I went to bed with this trembling feeling and slept very little.  So when I got up on Wednesday morning, I still had the same feeling.  Again, I got into position on the floor and meditated and prayed to God asking Him to reveal to me what I needed to know.  It took a while for anything to come, but then God spoke to me and said,

     Beautiful One,
           "Your stomach is in a tangled web of knots and it is nervousness.  Let me untie the knots and let me show you how.  Your nervousness is because you are moving on and putting the past behind you and walking into the vision and ministry that I have laid upon your heart.  The enemy wants you to feel threatened, insecure, to have doubt, and question if this is really what you are supposed to be doing.  No longer let the enemy control you with deceit and manipulation.  Draw your tangled web of knots and let me show you how I will use those tangled web of knots to create something beautiful from it."

So that is what I did.  I drew the tangled web of knots and unconsciously used five colored pencils in no particular order or pattern.  Then I used the same colored pencils and drew an amazing petal.  As I spent time with the petal, it revealed to me that it is the trinity of my Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I was now feeling much peace!  My stomach no longer felt like a big ball of knots.  It was warm, relaxed and comforting. 

Thank you God for the ways that you use everything around me to speak to me such as my body felt sense, nature, other people, synchronistic events and so much more.  It is when I go to those uncomfortable places with you and sit in them, that you reveal your power, glory, grace and unconditional love for me.  Thank you God for drawing me closer to you during my tangled web of knots and struggles.