Give a Voice to Share In Your Suffering With Others

 

Friday morning, August 24th, I awoke to the sound of God's gentle, steady rain shower.  It was a glorious sound and one I am so thankful for.  To me it symbolized God's holy, living water that was falling down upon us that nourishes our souls and fills us up with what we don't even know what we need yet.  As I laid there, I prayed to receive His holy, living water right where I was at with what ever that may be and what ever may come.  God uses all of the things around us:  He uses all of our past, our relationships, and even our sins to move us and get us to where He intended us to be so that He can unfold and reveal our full potential that He impregnated within us before we were even conceived.  God has given each of us a divine purpose that He wants us to seek out like a scavenger hunt drawing us in closer and nearer to Him so that through the mystery of His grace that is beyond our comprehension, He can strengthen our dependence, our love, our neediness and desperation for Him and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He has promised us in Jeremiah 29:11, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

As we receive His holy, living water nourishing us, may we release and surrender ourselves and all that we think we are and need to be to His loving hands so that He can mold us and refine us into His image.  Each heartbreak, hurt, loss, betrayal, and abuse has meaning and purpose that is strengthening our inner core, stretching our faith, creating a well of deep compassion for others and giving us a hope that we should only hope in God because in this fallen world others are going to fail us.  As I experience and see these failures in my own life, but also others, it saddens me.  I look at individuals and society with such deep compassion that they don't realize their need for our Savior, Jesus Christ. They may run from Him, deny Him, resist Him, rebel against Him, curse Him or even try to fit Him in when it is convenient to their schedule.  I was one of them when I was lost wondering in my selfish ambitions and desires.  Since I have experienced that feeling of being empty and lost, it saddens me to see but also to feel their brokenness of those that are walking around alive, but spiritually poor and dead.  As God says in Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  He would rather you be cold and not have experienced Him than to be lukewarm for Him.

My spirit and heart has a deep sense of feeling and knowing others spirit.  It is sometimes overwhelming to carry and hold.  I know how my heart aches for others, and I wonder how much greater God's heart must break for what He is feeling and experiencing from His children.  Oh how He must grieve and mourn on our behalf.

So we should count all of our trials, experiences, hurts and pain a joy and seek to know and get closer to the One who has loved us from the beginning.  He has been with us all the days our lives and He wants us to experience and know His unfailing love!  He has something amazing planned for each of us if we will allow Him to show us how to surrender our plans and desires.  If we allow Him to use our pain and circumstances by making ourselves vulnerable and a vessel to share what Jesus Christ has done in our life, we give it a voice so that others can realize that they are not alone in their suffering. It is at this place that it creates a space for them to be healed, transformed and saved as a result of our transparency in sharing our narrative.  If we chose to have no voice, it is all for nothing!  There is a reason, purpose and meaning for everything in our lives.  Give it a VOICE and choose to make a difference in someone else's life.  Your voice will help to heal others, but is also moves and heals you too.  You will be blessed because God uses all things for the greater good for those that love Him. 

Trust and believe in Him to show you how.  I personally found freedom and a release from the strongholds of the past.  If you have something that you would like to share and release by putting a voice to it, I would be honored to hold your story.  You can send me a private email. 

This is a TEST!

As I was getting ready this morning for an early appointment, I remembered that the outlet in my bathroom tripped yesterday and I could not get it to reset.  My home was built in the 70's,  so at that time GFI outlets were not required by the local building code.  At some point, a GFI breaker was installed at the main panel.  I was familiar with these type of outlets because building code now requires all bedrooms to be on these type of breakers.  Typically when they trip as a result of an overload or getting too hot, all you need to do is go to the main panel and reset the outlet by hitting the test button and flipping the breaker back to the "on" position.  That did not work for me yesterday as I tried several times and out of frustration I gave up.

Well you know women need their hairdryers, curling irons and flat irons when getting ready.  We typically have a set routine of how we get ready and yes we need the big mirror and our accessories working properly beside the mirror. 

So one more time, I tracked downstairs to the main panel.  I pushed the test button, I flipped the switch back and forth a couple of times, but it would not stay in the "on" position.  I again began to get frustrated so this time I held the test button down really hard for a few seconds and then flipped the switch to the "on" position.  Guess what?  It worked!  I did it!  I was so proud of myself but more importantly relieved that it was now working.  Then I heard..."This is a test!"  I wondered if I really just heard something or not and again I heard..."This is a test!"  A test?  A test for what?

As I pondered what I just heard, I was elated because I finally heard from God after Him being silent for over three weeks.  The silence has been deafening and I would confess that the silence has been almost worse than the process of surrendering my home, my possessions and relationships.  I thought, "This is a test?"  What does that mean?

As you know, God has given me a vision that He is unfolding where He gave me specific instructions to:
1.  Get out of the boat.  You can't hold onto the past and walk into the new that I have for you.
2.  Put systems and order into place.
3.  Sell your home and possessions for the next door to open.

I have done all of these things and I was expecting the next doors to fling open once I closed on my house.  It has not worked that way though.  God went silent.  As I have been sitting in this silence, He has revealed to me that He is working in the background even though I can't see or understand what He is doing.

So as I contemplated the message He gave to me this morning, "This is a test!", I realized that He is testing my faith and trust in Him.  Even though I have been praying faithfully for answered prayers, and the answer has consistently been not yet, do I really trust God's reasons beyond my comprehension?  Do I trust that God has a better plan than my own preconceived plans and desires?  I don't understand why I have endured so much heartache, pain and loss, but God is testing me to see if I will continue to "pray through and praise through" (Batterson, Mark) my unanswered prayers, the silence and the waiting?

This is the TEST!  Can I continue to pray and praise God during the hardest circumstances I may be faced with?  It is this unceasing prayer and praise where "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus"  (Philippians 4:7).

So during this test, I am continuing to pray and praise God by reading aloud through the Psalms. They are giving me a peace.  The lesson that I am learning is that maybe my unanswered prayers or the not yet answered prayers is like Laura Story's song where she suggests it may be "blessings in disguise".  Or maybe it is a better answered prayer that God wants to impart on me instead of me settling for less.  Nevertheless, James 1:2-4 says to, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I encourage you to pray through and praise God through the test.  Once God reveals His answers to me, I will definitely share with you what my prayer has been and what God delivered to me.

Praise Him through the Test!

Lady in Waiting: How Long God?

After hearing so clearly from God for the past few months, I am now at a place of complete silence.  As you recall, I was led to sell my home in which God revealed to me was necessary in order for the next door to open.  Now that I have closed on my home, God has become silent and I am wondering what has changed, where is God, and why hasn't that next door opened yet?  I wonder why God wants me to be at a place where I am often made to feel inferior, it creates emotional duress on me and raises a lot of painful memories for me? 

I wonder if there is a lesson or something that God is trying to refine within me during this time of silence and waiting.  I continue to be still and present with God in prayer and meditation, but I must admit that it is disappointing and my patience is wearing thin. 

Tuesday evening I visited the Rockingham County Fair to watch some of Kendall's friends, who I also call my kids, to show their market lambs.  Once I left there, I went to Michaels to pick up a reproduction of a portrait that I bought probably over 8 years ago at the San Diego Museum of Art by William Bouguereau who was a French painter.  This portrait that I bought was titled "The Young Shepherdess."  It is a portrait of a young lady standing in a barren desert field watching over sheep.  She is looking over her shoulder with curiosity and wonderment.

At the time, I did not now know why the portrait profoundly spoke to me.  Now as I reflect on it this young lady was seeking something more.  However, the young lady did not know what she was seeking and fell into the temptation of seeking worldly, flesh desires such as ambition, success, career, material and physical fulfillment.  That young lady was me!

Little did I know that those worldly things would make it appear that I had it all together on the outside, but ultimately I would be left feeling empty, unfulfilled, alone, rejected and abandoned on the inside.  What I didn't know was that deeper, longing that I was so desiring was a deeper more intimate relationship with God.  Oh, if I only would have known that it was only God that could fill my longing that I could have avoided a lot of heartache and pain. Yes, that young lady was me!  I was standing in a barren desert just like the portrait, vulnerable with no shoes on. 

Now when I look at the portrait that I finally had framed at this divine time, I still see me, but in a new way.  I have found God and I am experiencing Him in amazing and supernatural ways that I never thought possible.  For some reason though, God has gone silent and I am not hearing or experiencing Him like I usually do.  So now I see this young lady (me) "waiting"; waiting to hear from God what my next steps are and to open doors for me.

What is it in the silence and waiting that God is revealing to me?  I then recalled that Jesus too had to wait upon God in the wilderness, the garden and the tomb.  In all of these instances of waiting, God revealed the fruit of waiting.  One of my most favorite books, "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd, she says that waiting is both passive and passionate.  She found that this Latin root, pati, means to endure.  She described this as a time of "descending into self, into God and into the deeper labyrinths of prayer."  It also means facing "the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, as well as the places one lives falsely."  Basically it entails looking at the painful truths of who we really are and allowing God to mold us into who He intended us to be before we strayed off the narrow path.  This takes much courage and often times a great deal of pain in doing so.

On my own personal journey and inner work, God has revealed these painful truths in me.  He first had to shatter my world and my way of being by recklessly abandoning myself.  This process took a lot of bold courage to go through this process.  Once I began the process, it took a diligent effort to continue to press inward and forward of what God was stripping me of and revealing to me.  This process has increased my faith in knowing that God is working all things for the greater good even though I can't see or comprehend His ways.  In Hebrews 11:1 it says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  It is at this place where our faith in all circumstance regardless if our prayers are answered or not, He gives us a peace and contentment that guards our mind, body, soul and spirit that keeps us close to Him which God so desires from us.

So during this waiting period, God has revealed to me that He is refining qualities within me of:

• recklessly abandoning myself of what I used to know and be
• giving me bold courage to do each absurd thing that He puts before me without me questioning and doubting it
• diligence and steadfastness to stay on the path where He is directing me
• increased faith and hope for the things that I can't see, but knowing that He will provide just rewards and blessings
• contentment and peace knowing that everything has a purpose and to sit where God has me
• PATIENCE!

Yes, lastly patience.  This must be what God is refining and working in me.  My patience is wearing thin.  What is so important about patience?  If I know the vision that God has placed on my heart, why must I wait?  Why can't I go ahead and unfold the next steps?  I believe I just answered my own question or God has convicted and revealed to me that it is not my vision, not my plan, nor is it for my glory to do this in my own strength.  WHOA!  So yeah, I need to work on my patience and wait for God.  What He has revealed to me is that when I go before Him and His plan, I am basically saying that I don't need God and that I don't trust or believe in His way or plans.

Brad Kuster, pastor of The Place from Kentucky said, "there is a voice of truth raising up crying in the wilderness (or my case the desert) to make crooked paths straight.  He said we should say Yes to this time of waiting to make our paths straight.  He shared that the Hebrew meaning of the word wait is Kava which means to wait with hope and expectancy.  So as God is refining me to be more patient, I wait with hope and expectancy as He puts things into His order and His timing for His glory and not mine.  Brady Kuster also shared that "there is power and perseverance to those who wait."  During this waiting period there are lessons to be learned.

• Perseverance - Isaiah 40:31 says, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  We will not fade or waver in God's will or plan for our lives no matter what circumstances we are faced with.
• Total dependency on God - God must be our first love in every aspect and detail of our lives.  We must recognize our weaknesses and neediness for Him in all areas of our life.
• See the vision and circle it in prayer - Just as Jericho circled the city wall seven times, we must also circle our prayers, dreams and visions with praise as if it had already happened and been answered because what God places on our hearts, He keeps His promises.  Mark Batterson says, "don't just pray through it, but praise through it."  Too often we don't see results or get the answered prayers in our timing and we give up too soon before the miracle happens or is answered.  We settle for less in our flesh desires for instant gratification.

God wants to work in our lives in a mighty way revealing to us His glory, so don't give up!  Continue to trust and believe and say Yes to each and everything that God puts before you.  But we must wait for His instruction before doing so.  He even gives us supporting scripture urging us to wait in Psalm 25:5 Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long; Psalm 130:6 I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning; Hosea 12:6 But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always; Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay; Romans 8:25  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

So therefore, I am saying Yes!  Yes I am a lady in waiting upon God realizing that there are no short cuts for answered prayers during this process.  God is in control and He is orchestrating order in His eternal time to birth and unfold His plans accordingly.

I am, A Lady in Waiting!  How about you?  Can you relate to the silence and waiting?  I would love to hear your story. 

Release of Love Unfeigned

After church today I had about 40 minutes before I had to pick up Kendall to take her to her travel softball practice.  So you guessed it, I left Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren and decided to go to Beaver Creek to meditate in the water.  Since moving to Harrisonburg, I had not been to the river.  So I pulled off along side of the road and parked.  I was in a sundress and sandals but luckily I had my golf shoes in my car.  Yes, I decided to use my golf shoes to walk through the river.

As I was approaching the water, I was wondering if I would encounter my visiting fish or what supernatural sightings would God reveal to me.  As I was walking down the middle of the river, I noticed a lot of "stuff" stirring up in the water that was breaking lose and coming to the surface slowly floating on down the river washing away.

I know my spiritual journey is a process and a continual renewal and refining process of acknowledging and releasing the "stuff" in my life seen and unseen that is an obstacle preventing me from experiencing the fullness of the Holy Spirit.  As I wondered about my "stuff" that is being loosened and released floating down the river, I found a perfect rock that was footstool height to sit on.  I let the water run over my legs and it was so refreshing.  I never saw anything mystical but as I was sitting on the rock I noticed two butterflies that were playing in the grassy field beside the water.  I started to hear "Our Father, Our Father, Our Father".  I then began to recite The Lord's Prayer.  I just kept repeating it out load and tears streamed down my face.

At the time I was uncertain what the tears meant.  Now as I am writing this, it was my prayer, my intimate time with God, my known weaknesses, my desperation for Him and my neediness for God.  I realized that each and every day I need His grace, mercy and love to cover me. 

Reciting The Lord's Prayer and the shedding of my tears was a release of love unfeigned.  It is this type of sincere and genuine love that has created a perfect bond and connection to my Heavenly Father.  Colossians 3:14 states that it is love that binds us all together in perfect unity.  It doesn't say that everything is going to be perfect.  In fact Mother Teresa says "true love is love that causes pain, that hurts and yet brings joy.  That is why we must pray to God and ask Him to give us the courage to love."  It takes courage to look at all of our inequities and shortcomings, but even more courage to love ourselves knowing that we are not perfect but a work in progress to become Christ like.

As I was there in silence contemplating my life of what God has given me, my soul just wept with gratitude for the fullness of how I have experienced God's love, gentleness, compassion and grace.  I was basically speechless but my body was releasing humbled emotions that I could not put into words.  Then I remember that Jesus taught His disciples The Lord's Prayer when He would no longer be with them to give them strength, peace and comfort. 

This is exactly what my visit to the river gave me today.  God revealed to me that in all of my circumstances that I can recite The Lord's Prayer when I am overcome with emotion and know not what to pray for.  Just as He gave his disciples strength, peace and comfort, I too experienced that today and was overjoyed and humbled in how He revealed that to me. 

By the way, I did not see my fish...I guess it moved on just as I have done in this next phase of my life.  It is reassuring to know though that no matter where you are at, what you are facing, how you are feeling, The Lord's Prayer is appropriate and honors our Holy, Heavenly Father!   

God's Story of Selling My Home

This journey of selling my home began back in October of 2012 when God asked me to put my home on the market.  I did it but not with a complete willing heart.  It was on the market for two months and I had several showings, but no offers.  Around Christmas time I decided to take it off the market because of the season knowing that it would not get much activity.  I was also wondering if God was just testing me to see if I would be obedient and do what He asked of me.  To tell you the truth, I was relieved that I was sensing that it was only a test and I could stay at my home. 

Over Christmas break from Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) where I was finishing up my Master of Arts in Counseling degree, I took the entire three weeks off to meditate, pray and rest in God’s presence.  I was really looking forward to this time.  Little did I know that he would take me to my inner depths that I did not even know existed?  I call it dark night of the soul.  Not just one time, but two times.  He was pointing out some realizations about me that I needed to work on as well as bringing to consciousness things from my past that I had repressed with no recollection of them.  I also had unresolved pain and hurt of dealing with a divorce, finding out my daughter was born with congenital heart defect that caused her chronic illness and my own personal stuff that I was carrying.   I felt like I was all by myself.  It was at this place though over Christmas where I heard God speak to me and place on my heart a vision of what he was orchestrating for me.  God told me that everything that I have done up to this point that he is going to use.  It is not your typical ministry and one that I could not even orchestrate.  I am in awe of what God is unfolding.  None of this was in my plans.

After graduating from EMU, I went to Israel/Palestine for a month with Seminary at EMU and God was really speaking into me there and affirming that it was time for me to get out of the boat by beginning to put systems and order into place for this vision.  So when I returned, I began to work more on the next steps for the vision, but I was getting some roadblocks and in fact I am still waiting on one major one to open up in which God revealed to me that I needed to sell my house before that door could open up.  There was also this urgency for me to put my house on the market and I really didn't understand why.  I was working tirelessly for an entire week to get the house ready.  I had two agents from my office that wanted to show the house before it went onto the market.  This time, my heart was right and I had a peace about it because I knew that this was the next step in order for God to open the next door to where I am supposed to go.  It was not easy, but I knew it is what I had to do.  I didn’t want to miss God’s blessing for me or others that I will be serving.  I had a knowing that this was the time so I asked my next door neighbor to come over and anoint my house with me and to pray for the perfect people that would love my home as much as I have and would be the perfect neighbors for the people that I love so much.  When I met the family that previewed my home, I just had a peace and knowing that they were the ones that God had sent to live in my home.   I was so thankful that they loved my home enough to make an offer, but it was a low offer and one that I knew I did not have the resources to be able to accept.  I prayed to God fervently asking Him to stir their hearts and rekindle their interest in my home with another offer.  I was so restless that entire time waiting on God, wondering, doubting and questioning what He was doing.  God was getting me up at 2, 3 and 4 am in the mornings demanding time to meditate with Him.  I spent a lot of personal time with Him multiple times throughout the day.   During this entire time He continued to tell me to trust and believe and have faith that all of this is being worked out in his divine time. 

Then, the revised offer came on the morning of July 4^th.  I could not believe it.  I was happy that their hearts were stirred & rekindled just as I had prayed, but I wondered how I could accept this offer and accomplish what I needed to do to take care of me moving.  I knew I wanted to spend the day with God in meditation and prayer, but I already had a committment that day to go with a friend to visit someone in a nursing home that had a serious open stomach wound to visit, pray and anoint her.

Once I left from that visit, I was driving around looking for the perfect place to meditate and be with God.  I wanted to be somewhere close to water but everywhere I went, it was crowded because of the holiday.  Then as I was giving up and heading home, I came upon Mill Creek Church of the Brethren on Port Republic Road.  I was being led to pull into the parking lot.  As I sat in the parking lot, I noticed a gazebo under some shade trees and knew that was where I was supposed to be.  I grabbed my blanket, journal and Bible and sat on the floor of the gazebo reading scriptures that my prayer partner had texted me that she sensed God gave her for me as I was praying about this.  Those scriptures were Proverbs 16:1; 3:2,7,8,9,11,16; 15:17; 23:6; 14:6 & 10:2.  They were perfect so I sat and meditated to see if I heard anything.  Nothing came.  I was sort of sensing that I was supposed to sell, but I had not received anything affirming from God that assured me that was what I supposed to do.  Another reason I was sensing that this was right is because the previous week I had received a letter from one of my past retired Bridgewater College professors that used to teach Old and New Testament.  I reconnected with him in the past couple of years and we have stayed in touch.  However, he did not realize that I had been out of the country and he had been trying to get in touch with me by calling me and even stopping at my work place.  So he decided to write me a letter.  I was delighted to get his letter of his updates and he was asking about Kendall and I.  He then shared with me that his partner was selling her townhome which is near EMU.  I thought hmmmm, how did I miss that in MLS and not see it.  So I looked it up, but then discounted it because I did not want to buy, but rent so that I could be completely free from maintenance and not be tied down.  So I went to look at an apartment for rent and did not get a good energy feeling about it.  As I was leaving I thought about the townhome again and called for a showing.  Amazingly on such short notice it worked out.  I went and instantly felt at peace when I walked in.  It is completely 1970’s and outdated, but none of that mattered to me.  I felt a peace.  The same peace when I walked into my current home when I bought it.  I stayed for a long time.  Ironically, in June of 2012, I dreamed that I bought a townhouse almost exact list price as this townhome and it was on the golf course instead of on EMU campus.  However, I love EMU campus and have a peace there just as I do for the golf course.  God gives me prophetic dreams often.  I believe it is his way of preparing me for a change in order to get my heart ready and prepared for the next thing. 

As I gathered up my belongings to leave the gazebo at Mill Creek Church of the Brethren, I put them into my car and felt a tug to walk through the graveyard.  So I did and as I opened the gate and walked through, I felt a presence with me and got goose bumps  from my head all the way down my entire body and I began to weep.  I wondered what was happening to me?  In which I knew – God showed up!  But more importantly what was He going to say to me?  As I look up at a gravestone that caught my attention, it had a solar light butterfly on the top of it that instantly spoke to me of reassurance as God has done before in the past to know that I can trust him.  As I kept walking, two angels side by side were on top of two gravestones which affirmed that I am being led and not alone in this.  As I walked to the back part of the graveyard and turned around, the gravestones dominated my view with the majestic back drop of Mill Creek Church of the Brethren.  I now knew why God led me here and He spoke to me and said, "it is here in June 2012 where you received the Pastor’s for Peace Living Peace Award."  My heart melted and I began to sob as I heard God say that he brought me here to give me peace about accepting this offer .  I felt it and knew that was God’s answer but there was still my human doubt questioning that I would not have enough money to make the move.  I thought maybe I should counter, maybe I should ask to meet them half way, maybe this, maybe that…my thoughts were racing as I was heading back to my car.  As I got to the gate, I looked over to the far right edge of the graveyard and saw another angel that pulled me to the gravestone.  As soon as I stepped in front of it, under the angel it said, “Darling, Jesus is With You.”  I knew that all of these affirmations were no coincidence and that these were messages from God.  This was my answer to accept this price.  I was to trust and believe that God already had it all worked out.  That is when I asked to have the offer in writing and that I wanted another day to pray and do an absolute fast.  I just knew though that was the right answer and I wrote in my journal, God, whatever your will, whatever your will.  I give my all to you.  I want to know more of you so whatever your will.

That day I also I had two devotionals that spoke to me in affirming ways.  The first one was by

Joan Borysenko that said “The Godseed within is coming to flower in the radiant light of summer.
Listening to the voice of intuition we realize our life’s purpose, using our gifts with joy in the service of all beings.”

This is what God is calling me to do and be.  “To be a servant building a community of love.”  This is the mission statement that he gave me over Christmas break for the vision.  I am going to be serving, loving, healing and saving souls.

The second devotional was supported by scripture in Exodus 33:14 that said, “The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you and I will give you rest – everything will be fine for you.” 

 So how do I argue or doubt with all of that????

I signed the contract with some minor changes so the purchasers only needed to initial those changes if they were acceptable to them.  I was notified that they wanted to meet with me before initialing the contract.  I was excited but also nervous to meet with them.  They ended up spending about three hours with me.  It was very emotional sharing my testimony and my love for my home that God was asking me to surrender to Him for this next door to open up.  I was in awe of their testimony of how God was working in their life to get them to this place at this exact moment.  They are an amazing family and are moving here to start a ministry as well.  As I had been praying about their offer, they too had been praying asking God for His guidance and wisdom in what to do.  The morning of July 4th at 2 am, the wife was awakened by God and He audibly told her what to offer me for the house and told her that I would accept it.  So that is what prompted them to make another offer on my home.  Of course, you know that I accepted it and yes the purchaser's accepted the minor changes as well. 

That evening I took a walk to the river.  As I was walking there, I was wondering if a snake skin that I had seen was still laying on a rock near where I sit.  As soon as I got to the river, that is the first thing that I looked for and it was gone.  I heard "it is done"!  This phase of my life is done.  I don't know entirely what that means, but I am hoping that years of pain and suffering may be finally healing  and over with.  The shedding of a snake skin symbolizes transformation and a new phase in life.  Now that my house was under contract, maybe this is the end of a phase and the beginning of a new one. 

I decided to take my shoes off to allow the water to flow over my legs and feet.  While sitting there, a bunch of fish began to jump out of the river like I have never seen before in all the times that I have been at this place.  Once I got back home, I did some research to find the symbolism of what I just experienced.  C.G. Jung said fish symbolized the self or the inner Christ.  I also found an interpretation meaning "one is leaving their abode/habitat to enter into the next phase".  As I was watching the fish, it was almost like a celebration or dance was happening.  Fish also represent change and transformation.  In Christianity, fish represent faith and abundance as observed in the Biblical story of fishes and loaves.  Biblical reference can also be found about Christ and His disciples being "fishers of men."  Man represents the transformational fish - maybe that is what the celebrating and jumping fish were expressing to me.  They were celebrating this new phase of my life.

So on July 6th, I had a fully ratified contract on my personal home.  Three days later I made an offer on the townhome where I feel God led me.  I find out from the listing agent that the seller has a similar story to mine so she and I have a heart connection and we have not even met at this point.  Later that evening I had a ratified contract on the townhome that I am purchasing.   Again, I go to the river to meditate to see what God will reveal to me.  As I am sitting at the river with my shoes submersed in the water that is overflowing my legs, some neighbors come with their dogs so I decide to get up and walk down the middle of the river to the side that I call the peaceful side.  As I am standing at a certain waterhole spot where I often stand, I am greeted regularly by the same fish each time.  It is just one and it is always the same one.  This time it swam closer to me than it has in the past.  The all of a sudden there were bursts of rainbow colors that was surfacing to the top of the water.  This has never occurred to me before.  The only way I could describe it in my journal was that it was like random colors of fireworks or kaleidascop patterns coming to the top of the water.  I saw nothing under the water that would contribute to this and I even tried to take photos of what I was seeing and experiencing.  It was amazing and nothing like I had ever seen before.  I was so joyful at the mysticism that I was experiencing from God.  I knew that this was all of God and He was letting me know how joyful He was that I was following His leading. 

That evening I wrote in my journal that I could not wait for God to reveal the bigger picture and His glory to me of what He is unfolding for myself, but also for all of those that are questioning me, doubting me, calling me crazy and even irrational.  I knew from these few days of how I was experiencing God's mystery and affirmations that there is more and I can't wait to experience it.  I prayed and spoke to God that I just knew He was going to show me His amazing works just as He says and promises in Isaiah 40:5, "And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and mankind together will see it.  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."  Yes, God has spoken to me in profound ways!  I have heard, seen, felt, experienced and know that He is working all things for the greater good and His glory will be revealed.  He tells us in Psalm 37:4 to delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As I have witnessed God's supernatural beauty and works, He has captured my heart.  I am mesmerized by what He has already done in my life so I continue to try to deny myself even more and surrender more of my self to Him and His ways.  I want to experience more of His supernatural abilities and gifts in my life.  This entire transaction has been the most effortless one I have ever had in my 17 years of real estate.  I am already moved into my new home and the purchaser's of my home have already moved in as well.  We close on August 5th.  I am excited and expectant to see what doors open once I close.  I will keep you posted on the progression as it unfolds.



 

 

 

The Bridge is the Middle Way

As I was walking this evening I naturally gravitated to the river again.  This time I stood on the concrete bridge and looked over the opposite side which is downstream from where I usually sit.  As I stood there with my hands on the concrete bridge I felt vibrations going through my entire body.  Was it possible that the water currents were causing the vibrations?  I just stood there and experienced it thinking how is it possible that the water currents could create and penetrate that much energy through the concrete bridge?  Then I thought this is a no brainer!  It is Jesus' living water full of vibrancy and power that actually could do this to bring an awareness to me.

I then walked over to the other side where I usually sit and looked over the edge.  There was a noticeable difference upstream then it was downstream.  Upstream where I usually sit was rapid currents, rocks protruding out of the water, louder noise from the currents and a lot of debris along the edges.  So I walked back over to the downstream side and noticed the water was peaceful, calm, lush green grass of islands and it was quieter on this side.

As I was reflecting what this possibly could represent, I walked down the bank to sit beside the river.  I just kept staring up at the bridge as I sat there.  Then a thought came to me that the bridge is the middle way.  The bridge is the middle connection or crossover from our pain and suffering to the future of peace and calm. 

What happens on the bridge or the middle way until we crossover from the past into the future?  It is a transformational process of where we must go to many times to remove thoughts and memories of the past but also not looking ahead into the future with our preconceived plans and desires.  Looking to the past and into the future is a reaction from an overbearing or underbearing ego that can respond in harmful ways toward ourselves and even others.  It is at this place on the bridge or the middle way where we should spend a lot of quiet time in meditation and prayer asking God to help us keep our thoughts on the present moment and our surroundings.  When we experience times of recalling past hurts, losses or memories we need to release them by lifting them up to God to take.  When we have ambitious thoughts about our future wants, plans or desires again we need to release them by lifting them up to God.

It is at the bridge or the middle way connection where God is cultivating, pruning and ripening our spiritual life so that we can experience a fruitful life of peace and contentment in the present moment no matter what comes our way.  This evening it was evident that across the bridge downstream, it definitely looked more green, lush and calm.  We always want to rush the process or people tell us to just get over our grief and move on.  It is not that simple.  The middle way is probably the most important part of the process and where we should spend most of our time by even revisiting it often on a moment-by-moment basis so that we can maintain this peace.  This will be an ongoing life commitment and discipline.  I am going to be intentional of spending more time on the bridge in the middle so that I can experience peace and calm in my life so that when unexpected things come my way, I am more equipped to handle them.


As I write this, I can still recall and feel the vibrations and energy running through my body at the bridge.  This was an enlightening and powerful experience of what God revealed to me about staying on the bridge in the middle by not rushing the process but sitting and staying in the present moment.  It is at this place where peace, wellness and wholeness can be achieved for ourselves that will overflow positively into others making a mind, body, soul and spirit connection.

Say YES!

photo credit: 
http://yessolarpueblo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/yes-logo.jpg

I was being called to the river again today to spend one on one time with God.  I was walking briskly and felt so much joy not knowing what God would reveal or speak to me.  I crossed over the guard rail and climbed down onto the river rocks beside the water.  As I was getting ready to sit down, a snake slithered under the rock where I usually sit.  I wondered what I was supposed to do and what did that mean.  Beside this rock in the water I saw a snake skin that had just recently been shed.

Perhaps that is my message that I too am shedding more of my old self, habits, desires, plans and ways.  There certainly has been a lot of radical changes in my life in the past several months.  Some of the changes so radical that I have been called irrational and crazy.  From my flesh way of being I guess I can understand why it would be perceived that I am irrational and crazy.  However, from my spirit way of being I feel set free, joyful and the most excitement that I have experienced in my life.  I know where God is leading me and what He is asking me to do is for a greater purpose that is bigger than me.  It is about total abandonment of my self, desires, wishes and plans by single-mindedly focusing on Him to lead, guide and direct my steps that show me that He is more than abundantly able to use me for His honor and glory.  

I know that in order to walk through the next door for God to unfold the vision that He has placed on my heart, He is asking me to sell my house as well as my possession.  I must admit, at first I didn't think that I could sell all of my possession.  I am still pondering if He really means for me to sell my family antiques.  This of course has brought about much conflict and attacks from family and others that don't understand why God would ask me to do this.  I understand their confusion, but I also understand what God is revealing to me as well.  He has opened my eyes that I am distracted, tied down and in bondage to my house, my belongings and debt.  He wants to set me free so that I won't have any worldly distraction so that I can fully focus on Him and being His servant to serve others who are lost, broken and spiritually depleted.  He wants me to be free to accept and love others fully and unconditionally.  It's that simple.  I simply need to focus on God first allowing Him to cut away and prune more of my imperfections so that I will be able to bear His fruit making me available and free for the harvest that will follow.

At first it seemed like a sacrifice, but now I see it as a gift that He is giving me.  I am gaining so much more than I am losing.  God is wooing me into something big and I want more of His wooing!  Because of His unconditional love, patience and grace with me, He has given me strength and courage to stay focused on Him and the vision that He has placed on my heart.

So the shedding of the old snake skin was the old me that has died and been reborn into the new of what God originally intended me to do, live and be for Him.  I am reminded of the scripture in Psalm 40:3 that says "He will put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  Not only has He made me new, but He has given me a new song and desire.  I now embrace this new life purpose mission and song for my life.  Brad Kuster said "Let your life be defined by who you are in Christ and you can live more simply when you go through a life priority adjustment."  My eyes, my focus, my priority is God first in all things and to "But seek first his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

I am excited about living simply, but boldly, courageously and radically for the Lord no matter how irrational and crazy it may seem.  I have found the answer to true happiness and joy and it is nothing that this world can give me.  Thank you God for quickening my heart, enlightening my mind and awakening my soul.  Your spirit lives in Me.  Hallelujah! 

As I finished writing this, a black dragon fly with deep beautiful turquoise on it kept flying around me joyfully.  I have never seen a dragonfly like this before!  I wonder what message it was trying to speak to me?   Also the entire time I have been sitting by the river, there was also a duck sitting on an island of grass in the middle of the river.  It is speaking of peace and rest in the lush green grass while God's living water flows, controls and orchestrates everything in our lives.  We don't have to do anything other than say "Yes" to allow God to have His way with us.  To say "Yes" to the things we can't control.  To say "Yes" to things we don't understand.  To say "Yes" that God does know the plans for us.  To say "Yes" to walking into the unknown.  To say "Yes" that we do trust and believe in God.  To say "Yes" to the calling.  By saying "Yes" we release and defeat the enemy's bondage of fear, anxiety and worry.  Say "YES" and you will be free.

Now it won't be perfect.  There will be trials and circumstance that come our way.  Just as I am sitting here, I have three mosquitoes that keep attacking me.  So just as nature and life have trials and distractions, we too will experience them.  But it is how we approach these trials and distraction by going to God first.  He will be with us and see us through it and reveal to us either a lesson or way of strengthening our character.  So I encourage you to say "Yes" to whatever you may be experiencing or going through and let God show you how He can bring you through it.  He wants your full attention and love!