The upcoming month of March has been on my mind a lot. It is so hard for me to believe that March will be a year since my Major Depressive Episode. During that time I experienced the most horrendous pain that I can't even give words to or describe fully. I thought I was possibly dying and didn't even care because I just wanted to the pain to end. I was being sucked into a dark pit that had no end in sight to the point of feeling lifeless, hopeless and void. I thought I was going to have to hospitalize myself because I couldn't eat, go to the bathroom, get a shower or even get out of bed. All I did was cry in agony with a mental and emotional pain that debilitated and isolated me from others and my regular routine. No one was even aware that for the past five to six years I had been fighting back depression because I was able to control and hide it really well. In February of last year, my symptoms intensified. I was no longer able to cope as I had done in the past. I guess the stress and pressure of me holding it all in for so long on my own finally weighed me down to the point of collapse like a dam giving way during a flood to all of the water and debris that can no longer be contained.
As I reflect over this past year, I am so humbled to see and know how God was hovering over me during my darkest, deepest time of despair. I am here today because God protected me from the pit of death in which the enemy's goal was the death of my soul. I now understand the intensity of warfare and the attacks that I was under because I know God has a significant mission that He is bringing to fruition with the vision of the non profit ministry that He has placed upon my heart for Hometown Rescue Mission and Ministry. This ministry will be a full time residence to the homeless, those with addictions and formerly incarcerated felons to create healing and transformation to increase God's Kingdom. During this time of my own healing which has been a very long and arduous season, God has been rebuilding, strengthening and redeeming me from the inside out. God is placing me on a firm foundation so that I can be with others in their darkest places. Just as Jesus descended to hell before ascending to heaven, I too feel as though I have descended to hell experiencing the excruciating pains of hell that not only I felt, but also God has given me His heart to feel what others may also be experiencing in their life circumstances because of this sinful and fallen world we live in.
I can truly say, God has given me a gift and has used my depression for His good so that I can give a voice to all of those and their families that may experience or suffer from mental health illnesses. What the enemy meant for harm, God is using for His glory. There is nothing wrong admitting and acknowledging that you suffer from mental health illness. You don't have to bear or suffer this alone. That is exactly what the enemy wants you to believe so that he can take you down to the death of Hades. The enemy is a deceiver and liar! So throw off that cloak of shame, guilt, humiliation, hopelessness and unworthiness that the enemy and society tries to project out upon us. When we name and acknowledge our struggles, we are bringing it to the light which defeats the enemy. It also testifies and witnesses to others who may be suffering in the silence with mental health illness.Let us rise up together becoming vulnerable, a vessel and a voice to encourage and support each other while we defeat the enemy sending him back to hell where he belongs!
YES, I suffer from depression, and God loves me for being true to myself and others in revealing to others who I truly am: flaws and all. I am also an overcomer in which I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. In Christ, I am VICTORIOUS!
I stand in the valley and gap with you my brothers and sisters who may also be suffering with mental health illness. I speak over you in the name of Jesus that, "You Are VICTORIOUS! Amen
