No Visitors Allowed - But There Was Jesus!

For the past few weeks since my initial doctor visit at UVA about my upcoming surgeries, I have had to go to UVA for more tests and visits sometimes twice a week.  When UVA calls to verify my appointment, each time they ask screening questions:  Have you been out of the state of Virginia?Have you been around anyone with or suspected of COVID? Have you had a temperature, cough, red eyes, shortness of breath, sore throat, sore muscles, joint pain, etc.  Then the last instruction is that no  one can come in with you to the appointment.  If they do, they must remain outside.  No Visitors Are Allowed. 

So I personally made the drive across the mountain to my first set of all day appointments at three different locations.  My first appointment was a pelvic ultrasound which I have never had before and it did not sound like something that I would enjoy too much either.  All of this has happened so quickly and at times it seems surreal that none of this is true.  I look and feel like I am a very healthy female.  This has been frustrating to me because I feel the healthiest that I have felt in a long time not only physically but emotionally and mentally.  It concerns me of how this surgery is going to affect my hormones, the chemicals in my brain that might trigger my major depression, the physical toll that this is going to take on my body and then processing the emotional and mental affects that "me", as I know myself in bodily appearance will not look the same again.  I am losing a part of me physically, and I do not know how this is going to affect me emotionally and mentally as I adjust to my new body appearance with scars and new look.  I know that as a result of this surgery, I will not be the same again on so many levels.

As I was lying on the table for the ultrasound of my ovaries and pelvic, I was holding myself  to keep from peeing because I was required to drink 32 oz of water prior to my appointment.  I stared at a lighted picture on the ceiling.  It was vibrant and bright with fuschia flowers and trees that was highlighted by the blue skies and clouds.  With the clouds, I would look for face images or animal figures to distract me from the uncomfortable and vulnerable position that I was in.  In the one tree as I was staring at a face, I saw the tree branches had given me a message.  I wish I could draw it for you of what I saw, but just imagine looking at tree branches that create the image of, I love you.  The love was actually an image of a heart.  This comforted me knowing that Jesus was right there with me giving me a message, "I love you." 

God never ceases to amaze me that when I am at my most vulnerable position, God speaks and lets me know He is right there with me and that everything is going to be alright.  I even laughed to myself that even though No Visitors Are Allowed, there was Jesus with me.  Nothing can keep Him separated or away from me. 

My next appointment was for a breast MRI that was explained to me that it examines and picks up any and every cell.  Since I am BRCA1, they are doing more extensive testing than a regular annual exam. Again, I have never felt so uncomfortable, in a very vulnerable position face down with my arms above my head and breasts hanging down from the table with men nurses positioning me for the MRI.    It was so uncomfortable because you have pressure on your sternum, your neck is in an uncomfortable position and my arms  were aching in pain with spasms beginning.  Before they put me in the MRI machine, they asked me for my choice of music that I would like to listen to during the procedure.  I asked for contemporary christian music.  The very first song to play was, "God's Not Done Writing Your Story."  Just like that, even though No Visitors Are Allowed, there was Jesus. 

Once this procedure was completed, I went to the locker where they put my clothes.  I didn't know it earlier, but they had put my clothes in locker number 44.  God speaks to me oftentimes through numbers.  The number 44 has been significant to me.  God has often showed me the number 44 during major transitions in my life.  The biblical meaning of the number 44 is about God's divine order and timing.  There was Jesus again......

As I was praying about all that had happened, God took me to Jonah 2 about Jonah's prayer for deliverance.  What spoke to me was that even though Jonah was in the belly of the whale in sheol (his desperate and lowliest place), Jonah continued to seek God saying, "Yet I will look again toward your holy temple" (vs 4).  Jonah continued to pray as he felt consumed by his circumstance and the overwhelming feeling of being consumed by the deep waters and seas.  Jonah remembered the Lord. He prayed to the Lord and said,  "He will give thanksgiving to the Lord and he was delivered from the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land." 

I too, no matter what I may be asked to face or endure, I will do it with thanksgiving knowing that deliverance and salvation is from the Lord who will be with me no matter what.  I only need to be obedient and a witness to God's merciful works.  As I am entering into unchartered territory, God reminded me through these appointments despite the No Visitors Are Allowed order, that nothing restricts or keeps Jesus from me.  Remember beautiful ones, Jesus is with us and will not forsaken us.  Amen.  ~ Pastor LaDawn

Benefit for Mental Health Services

Dear friends of mine, Sam and Suzanne Bowman had a vision seven years ago of wanting to organize and hold a benefit for local community needs which they have faithfully done.  For the past three years now, they have chosen our ministry, Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry (HTRMM).  I am so personally touched by this.

I want to share with you to not boast, but to inform you and the public of our passion to serve those with mental health illnesses. HTRMM's mission specializes in counseling services with individuals who suffer with mental health illnesses.  This has been a personal passion of mine as I myself have suffered with episodes of Major Depression.  I also have family members who also struggle with mental health illnesses.  There has always been a stigma around mental health illness. I know for me personally I struggled with it feeling like I was alone in the suffering and had no one, not even the church that I could share my struggle with.  I thought that I didn't have enough faith or that I wasn't doing something right on my journey with God which was the reason I suffered with mental illness.  This is how Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry was founded in wanting to give a voice to those suffering in the silence with mental health illness.  The ministry wanted to break the stigma surrounding mental illness, to educate the community about mental illness and let those suffering with mental illness know that there is help for mental wellness regardless of income, background or situation.

Hometown Rescue Mission & Ministry (HTRMM) was founded as a Christ centered church with biblical truth and serving everyone with love.  To date, with the partnership of Hometown Realty Group and Hometown Pastoral Counseling Group, PLC, I can offer faith based individual, marital and family counseling services on a sliding fee income scale so that no one will be turned away. The work has included counseling services for those suffering with many levels of mental illnesses. Specialized services include disorders such as anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and addictions.  My clientele even includes work with formerly incarcerated felons, at risk youth and letter writing to those currently incarcerated and one individual who is on death row.   The cumulative total of counseling services gifted since 2016 to the present is $47,814 which equates to 598 sessions.

Since graduating from graduate school with  a Master in Counseling and Master in Divinity, I have been persistently working toward fulfilling 4,000 hours of sitting with counseling clients that is required to sit for the License Professional Counseling (LPC) Exam in order to become licensed.  I am currently licensed as a “Resident in Counseling” being supervised by two LPC’s, Harvey Yoder in Harrisonburg at Family Life Resource Center and Vic Maloy in Richmond at VIP Care. I am hoping within the next year that I can make it a reality of finishing those hours.  It has been a long journey, but I know it is all in God’s timing.

The reason licensure is so important is because God is calling me to establish a non-profit, Harvest, that will work with non-violent at-risk adolescents that typically go through the court systems that ends up in juvenile detention and/or eventually incarcerated that becomes a statistic to our ever growing systemic judicial system.  The hope is that Harvest will be an alternative to the current judicial sentencing where the youth will come out to our farm to do individual therapy, group therapy, learn life sustaining skills, do hands on labor working on the farm, in the gardens and even with the livestock.  Harvest will be a place of healing and transformation in creating a place to belong and be loved which most likely the at-risk youth have been neglected of with no guidance or love or a missed diagnosis of a mental health disorder.  God has put on my heart to break this generational cycle in order to help the youth find what their purpose and meaning is so that they know who they are in Christ.  I am so excited to begin this next part of my journey, but God has been working on my patience and total dependence upon Him.  God gave me this vision in 2011 where I audibly heard Him say, “I was going to start a church, but it was not going to be like what I knew or thought church was.”  The at-risk youth, Harvest, will be the church.  The ministry will need to construct a building, install a septic and drill a well so that we have space to do our work with the youth. 

Other work that I have passionately facilitated in the community through HTRMM is educating the public about pathways to mental health.  In February 2019, the ministry organized a two day suicide intervention training (ASIST) for pastors in the Church of the Brethren denomination.  The ministry is looking to expand this training open to all faiths.  In the near future, they are hoping to offer a two day ecumenical summit called,  “Pathways to Mental Health” addressing the whole person mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

 

So please, I ask that you plan to attend the Benefit this Saturday on July 25, 2020 at Back Home on the Farm.  It will be a fun filled family day with lots of amazing food and gospel music.  One hunderd percent of the proceeds goes to our ministry.  I personally thank each and every volunteer that is a part of the benefit that Sam and Suzanne so graciously organize each year.  Your support is a part of God’s plan where He revealed to me that it is going to take a community to build this, support this, volunteer for this, provide finances and resources to bring this to fruition.  I also ask for continued prayers for not only myself, but my family and the ministry.  We are constantly confronted with attacks from the enemy. So we know, we are on the right path and know that God is going to make this all happen.

God bless each of you and your families!

With love,

Pastor LaDawn

I Tested Positive for BRCA1 High Risk Cancer Gene

I was not familiar with the term BRCA1 until I heard it last year after my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My aunt is such a selfless and beautiful soul whose vocation is a nurse.  She knew what questions to ask doctors and began to explore our family history of cancer with the possibility of it being passed down to not only her daughters, husband and our family.  Her wisdom prompted genetic testing for our families. 

I knew that I had to have the testing done because I watched my paternal grandmother fight breast cancer.  She died in her early 50's.  Her mom and grandma had also passed away with breast cancer.  So we knew of at least three generations of breast cancer.  BRCA1 is a high risk cancer gene that links to my paternal side of the family.  BRCA1 and BRCA2 is a cancer gene mutation that increases individuals risk to developing breast, ovarian, fallopian tube and uterine cancers by approximately 87%.   

My testing was completed in February, and I received my results a couple of weeks later.  I was scheduled to go to the UVA BRCA Clinic who specializes with this cancer gene mutation.  My family and I at this time was also taking care of my maternal grandmother who was on hospice care.  This is also the same time that COVID-19 hit so my UVA appointment got rescheduled to June.

I tried to not think about it, but I also knew I would most likely have two options that UVA would talk with me about.  One would be to do nothing and be at 87% risk of developing cancer or two, remove all of my female parts - a mastectomy and complete hysterectomy.  At this point, I didn't have a medical opinion, so I would have to wait for their recommendations, their findings, and stats in order for me to make an informed decision.  Of course, there was lots of prayers asking for God's will and discernment with this. 

I had many emotions during this time.  At first I was angry, thinking, "Why me?"  Once the anger subsided, I was then able to hear from God who revealed that what the enemy meant for  harm to take me out, God was using it to be proactive in dealing with it so I would not have to worry or deal with in the future. God's wisdom moved me to being grateful for this recent advancement in technology that would give me peace.  I realized that this technology was giving me a proactive opportunity to address this instead of being reactive with treatment and a potential battle with cancer.  The peace and clarity that I felt was overwhelming so I knew that God was affirming that surgery was the right decision. 

After I met with the medical gynecological doctor that specializes with the BRCA gene, I had even more peace and clarity that surgery was the unmistakable answer.  After surgery my risk would be less than 1% of ever developing cancer.  Because of my extended family history, the doctor highly recommended a double mastectomy and complete hysterectomy.  She explained that it is now all one surgery with a six week recovery or ten week recovery with reconstruction. 

My next steps were a full day of appointments at UVA for a breast MRI, pelvic ultrasound and to meet with the surgeons.  At this time, I did not know when the surgery would be.  I was leaning toward a November or December surgery because we are at one of our busiest seasons on the family farm with hay making, garden and maintaining the livestock.  As you can imagine, farm work requires a lot of heavy lifting of feed bags, square bales, moving gates, in and out, up and down farm equipment, or handling my sheep that can weigh up to 250 pounds.  My post surgery recovery will be restricted for the next six to ten weeks of no lifting at all. 

I don't understand why I have to go through this, nor do I know what God wants me to know about this, but one thing I do know is that I continue to say, "Yes Lord" by trusting Him in all areas of my life knowing that this has greater purpose and meaning beyond me.  I know that the Lord is faithful because I know first hand of all His good works in me and my family's life.  My family and I have experienced many miracles at God's hand so I trust and believe in Him with my upcoming surgery and successful recovery knowing He is using all of this for His glory.

A scripture that God gave me years ago when I began my faith journey is Joshua 4:24, "He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God."  If me sharing my journey brings one person to giving their life to Jesus, then it is all worth it for God's glory. 

In 2009, I said, "Yes Lord" - that I was all in.  Today I still stand in 2020 saying, "Yes Lord" - I am all in to serve you and to fulfill your purposes and promises for me.  I know that I know that I know that surely God is with me in the midst of all of it.  So I will proceed forward with the surgery praising God for what He has done and what He will do.  I am grateful to Jesus for being with me through it all for I know with God all things are possible. 

As of last week, I found out that my surgery will actually be in September.  I don't have an exact date yet.  I welcome and cherish all of your prayers.  Also this past week, my aunt received a praise report that her cancer has not progressed.  We continue to bind up the cancer in her body and declare and decree that it must leave her body because it is not welcome there.  We declare the cleansing blood of Jesus has already miraculous healed her. We believe for extended years over her life. When you pray for me, please add her to your prayers as well standing in agreement with me for her complete healing. 

The reason I share this journey so intimately with you, is if there is any history of breast, ovarian, uterine or fallopian cancer in your family, please consult your doctor about doing the genetic testing to see if you are a carrier or have the BRCA mutated cancer gene.  Knowledge is powerful.  God gave us that knowledge.  Let's use it to kick cancer back to hell where it came from.

With agape love to each of you.
Pastor LaDawn