Give a Voice to Share In Your Suffering With Others

 

Friday morning, August 24th, I awoke to the sound of God's gentle, steady rain shower.  It was a glorious sound and one I am so thankful for.  To me it symbolized God's holy, living water that was falling down upon us that nourishes our souls and fills us up with what we don't even know what we need yet.  As I laid there, I prayed to receive His holy, living water right where I was at with what ever that may be and what ever may come.  God uses all of the things around us:  He uses all of our past, our relationships, and even our sins to move us and get us to where He intended us to be so that He can unfold and reveal our full potential that He impregnated within us before we were even conceived.  God has given each of us a divine purpose that He wants us to seek out like a scavenger hunt drawing us in closer and nearer to Him so that through the mystery of His grace that is beyond our comprehension, He can strengthen our dependence, our love, our neediness and desperation for Him and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He has promised us in Jeremiah 29:11, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

As we receive His holy, living water nourishing us, may we release and surrender ourselves and all that we think we are and need to be to His loving hands so that He can mold us and refine us into His image.  Each heartbreak, hurt, loss, betrayal, and abuse has meaning and purpose that is strengthening our inner core, stretching our faith, creating a well of deep compassion for others and giving us a hope that we should only hope in God because in this fallen world others are going to fail us.  As I experience and see these failures in my own life, but also others, it saddens me.  I look at individuals and society with such deep compassion that they don't realize their need for our Savior, Jesus Christ. They may run from Him, deny Him, resist Him, rebel against Him, curse Him or even try to fit Him in when it is convenient to their schedule.  I was one of them when I was lost wondering in my selfish ambitions and desires.  Since I have experienced that feeling of being empty and lost, it saddens me to see but also to feel their brokenness of those that are walking around alive, but spiritually poor and dead.  As God says in Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  He would rather you be cold and not have experienced Him than to be lukewarm for Him.

My spirit and heart has a deep sense of feeling and knowing others spirit.  It is sometimes overwhelming to carry and hold.  I know how my heart aches for others, and I wonder how much greater God's heart must break for what He is feeling and experiencing from His children.  Oh how He must grieve and mourn on our behalf.

So we should count all of our trials, experiences, hurts and pain a joy and seek to know and get closer to the One who has loved us from the beginning.  He has been with us all the days our lives and He wants us to experience and know His unfailing love!  He has something amazing planned for each of us if we will allow Him to show us how to surrender our plans and desires.  If we allow Him to use our pain and circumstances by making ourselves vulnerable and a vessel to share what Jesus Christ has done in our life, we give it a voice so that others can realize that they are not alone in their suffering. It is at this place that it creates a space for them to be healed, transformed and saved as a result of our transparency in sharing our narrative.  If we chose to have no voice, it is all for nothing!  There is a reason, purpose and meaning for everything in our lives.  Give it a VOICE and choose to make a difference in someone else's life.  Your voice will help to heal others, but is also moves and heals you too.  You will be blessed because God uses all things for the greater good for those that love Him. 

Trust and believe in Him to show you how.  I personally found freedom and a release from the strongholds of the past.  If you have something that you would like to share and release by putting a voice to it, I would be honored to hold your story.  You can send me a private email. 

This is a TEST!

As I was getting ready this morning for an early appointment, I remembered that the outlet in my bathroom tripped yesterday and I could not get it to reset.  My home was built in the 70's,  so at that time GFI outlets were not required by the local building code.  At some point, a GFI breaker was installed at the main panel.  I was familiar with these type of outlets because building code now requires all bedrooms to be on these type of breakers.  Typically when they trip as a result of an overload or getting too hot, all you need to do is go to the main panel and reset the outlet by hitting the test button and flipping the breaker back to the "on" position.  That did not work for me yesterday as I tried several times and out of frustration I gave up.

Well you know women need their hairdryers, curling irons and flat irons when getting ready.  We typically have a set routine of how we get ready and yes we need the big mirror and our accessories working properly beside the mirror. 

So one more time, I tracked downstairs to the main panel.  I pushed the test button, I flipped the switch back and forth a couple of times, but it would not stay in the "on" position.  I again began to get frustrated so this time I held the test button down really hard for a few seconds and then flipped the switch to the "on" position.  Guess what?  It worked!  I did it!  I was so proud of myself but more importantly relieved that it was now working.  Then I heard..."This is a test!"  I wondered if I really just heard something or not and again I heard..."This is a test!"  A test?  A test for what?

As I pondered what I just heard, I was elated because I finally heard from God after Him being silent for over three weeks.  The silence has been deafening and I would confess that the silence has been almost worse than the process of surrendering my home, my possessions and relationships.  I thought, "This is a test?"  What does that mean?

As you know, God has given me a vision that He is unfolding where He gave me specific instructions to:
1.  Get out of the boat.  You can't hold onto the past and walk into the new that I have for you.
2.  Put systems and order into place.
3.  Sell your home and possessions for the next door to open.

I have done all of these things and I was expecting the next doors to fling open once I closed on my house.  It has not worked that way though.  God went silent.  As I have been sitting in this silence, He has revealed to me that He is working in the background even though I can't see or understand what He is doing.

So as I contemplated the message He gave to me this morning, "This is a test!", I realized that He is testing my faith and trust in Him.  Even though I have been praying faithfully for answered prayers, and the answer has consistently been not yet, do I really trust God's reasons beyond my comprehension?  Do I trust that God has a better plan than my own preconceived plans and desires?  I don't understand why I have endured so much heartache, pain and loss, but God is testing me to see if I will continue to "pray through and praise through" (Batterson, Mark) my unanswered prayers, the silence and the waiting?

This is the TEST!  Can I continue to pray and praise God during the hardest circumstances I may be faced with?  It is this unceasing prayer and praise where "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus"  (Philippians 4:7).

So during this test, I am continuing to pray and praise God by reading aloud through the Psalms. They are giving me a peace.  The lesson that I am learning is that maybe my unanswered prayers or the not yet answered prayers is like Laura Story's song where she suggests it may be "blessings in disguise".  Or maybe it is a better answered prayer that God wants to impart on me instead of me settling for less.  Nevertheless, James 1:2-4 says to, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I encourage you to pray through and praise God through the test.  Once God reveals His answers to me, I will definitely share with you what my prayer has been and what God delivered to me.

Praise Him through the Test!

Lady in Waiting: How Long God?

After hearing so clearly from God for the past few months, I am now at a place of complete silence.  As you recall, I was led to sell my home in which God revealed to me was necessary in order for the next door to open.  Now that I have closed on my home, God has become silent and I am wondering what has changed, where is God, and why hasn't that next door opened yet?  I wonder why God wants me to be at a place where I am often made to feel inferior, it creates emotional duress on me and raises a lot of painful memories for me? 

I wonder if there is a lesson or something that God is trying to refine within me during this time of silence and waiting.  I continue to be still and present with God in prayer and meditation, but I must admit that it is disappointing and my patience is wearing thin. 

Tuesday evening I visited the Rockingham County Fair to watch some of Kendall's friends, who I also call my kids, to show their market lambs.  Once I left there, I went to Michaels to pick up a reproduction of a portrait that I bought probably over 8 years ago at the San Diego Museum of Art by William Bouguereau who was a French painter.  This portrait that I bought was titled "The Young Shepherdess."  It is a portrait of a young lady standing in a barren desert field watching over sheep.  She is looking over her shoulder with curiosity and wonderment.

At the time, I did not now know why the portrait profoundly spoke to me.  Now as I reflect on it this young lady was seeking something more.  However, the young lady did not know what she was seeking and fell into the temptation of seeking worldly, flesh desires such as ambition, success, career, material and physical fulfillment.  That young lady was me!

Little did I know that those worldly things would make it appear that I had it all together on the outside, but ultimately I would be left feeling empty, unfulfilled, alone, rejected and abandoned on the inside.  What I didn't know was that deeper, longing that I was so desiring was a deeper more intimate relationship with God.  Oh, if I only would have known that it was only God that could fill my longing that I could have avoided a lot of heartache and pain. Yes, that young lady was me!  I was standing in a barren desert just like the portrait, vulnerable with no shoes on. 

Now when I look at the portrait that I finally had framed at this divine time, I still see me, but in a new way.  I have found God and I am experiencing Him in amazing and supernatural ways that I never thought possible.  For some reason though, God has gone silent and I am not hearing or experiencing Him like I usually do.  So now I see this young lady (me) "waiting"; waiting to hear from God what my next steps are and to open doors for me.

What is it in the silence and waiting that God is revealing to me?  I then recalled that Jesus too had to wait upon God in the wilderness, the garden and the tomb.  In all of these instances of waiting, God revealed the fruit of waiting.  One of my most favorite books, "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd, she says that waiting is both passive and passionate.  She found that this Latin root, pati, means to endure.  She described this as a time of "descending into self, into God and into the deeper labyrinths of prayer."  It also means facing "the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, as well as the places one lives falsely."  Basically it entails looking at the painful truths of who we really are and allowing God to mold us into who He intended us to be before we strayed off the narrow path.  This takes much courage and often times a great deal of pain in doing so.

On my own personal journey and inner work, God has revealed these painful truths in me.  He first had to shatter my world and my way of being by recklessly abandoning myself.  This process took a lot of bold courage to go through this process.  Once I began the process, it took a diligent effort to continue to press inward and forward of what God was stripping me of and revealing to me.  This process has increased my faith in knowing that God is working all things for the greater good even though I can't see or comprehend His ways.  In Hebrews 11:1 it says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  It is at this place where our faith in all circumstance regardless if our prayers are answered or not, He gives us a peace and contentment that guards our mind, body, soul and spirit that keeps us close to Him which God so desires from us.

So during this waiting period, God has revealed to me that He is refining qualities within me of:

• recklessly abandoning myself of what I used to know and be
• giving me bold courage to do each absurd thing that He puts before me without me questioning and doubting it
• diligence and steadfastness to stay on the path where He is directing me
• increased faith and hope for the things that I can't see, but knowing that He will provide just rewards and blessings
• contentment and peace knowing that everything has a purpose and to sit where God has me
• PATIENCE!

Yes, lastly patience.  This must be what God is refining and working in me.  My patience is wearing thin.  What is so important about patience?  If I know the vision that God has placed on my heart, why must I wait?  Why can't I go ahead and unfold the next steps?  I believe I just answered my own question or God has convicted and revealed to me that it is not my vision, not my plan, nor is it for my glory to do this in my own strength.  WHOA!  So yeah, I need to work on my patience and wait for God.  What He has revealed to me is that when I go before Him and His plan, I am basically saying that I don't need God and that I don't trust or believe in His way or plans.

Brad Kuster, pastor of The Place from Kentucky said, "there is a voice of truth raising up crying in the wilderness (or my case the desert) to make crooked paths straight.  He said we should say Yes to this time of waiting to make our paths straight.  He shared that the Hebrew meaning of the word wait is Kava which means to wait with hope and expectancy.  So as God is refining me to be more patient, I wait with hope and expectancy as He puts things into His order and His timing for His glory and not mine.  Brady Kuster also shared that "there is power and perseverance to those who wait."  During this waiting period there are lessons to be learned.

• Perseverance - Isaiah 40:31 says, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  We will not fade or waver in God's will or plan for our lives no matter what circumstances we are faced with.
• Total dependency on God - God must be our first love in every aspect and detail of our lives.  We must recognize our weaknesses and neediness for Him in all areas of our life.
• See the vision and circle it in prayer - Just as Jericho circled the city wall seven times, we must also circle our prayers, dreams and visions with praise as if it had already happened and been answered because what God places on our hearts, He keeps His promises.  Mark Batterson says, "don't just pray through it, but praise through it."  Too often we don't see results or get the answered prayers in our timing and we give up too soon before the miracle happens or is answered.  We settle for less in our flesh desires for instant gratification.

God wants to work in our lives in a mighty way revealing to us His glory, so don't give up!  Continue to trust and believe and say Yes to each and everything that God puts before you.  But we must wait for His instruction before doing so.  He even gives us supporting scripture urging us to wait in Psalm 25:5 Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long; Psalm 130:6 I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning; Hosea 12:6 But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always; Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay; Romans 8:25  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

So therefore, I am saying Yes!  Yes I am a lady in waiting upon God realizing that there are no short cuts for answered prayers during this process.  God is in control and He is orchestrating order in His eternal time to birth and unfold His plans accordingly.

I am, A Lady in Waiting!  How about you?  Can you relate to the silence and waiting?  I would love to hear your story. 

Release of Love Unfeigned

After church today I had about 40 minutes before I had to pick up Kendall to take her to her travel softball practice.  So you guessed it, I left Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren and decided to go to Beaver Creek to meditate in the water.  Since moving to Harrisonburg, I had not been to the river.  So I pulled off along side of the road and parked.  I was in a sundress and sandals but luckily I had my golf shoes in my car.  Yes, I decided to use my golf shoes to walk through the river.

As I was approaching the water, I was wondering if I would encounter my visiting fish or what supernatural sightings would God reveal to me.  As I was walking down the middle of the river, I noticed a lot of "stuff" stirring up in the water that was breaking lose and coming to the surface slowly floating on down the river washing away.

I know my spiritual journey is a process and a continual renewal and refining process of acknowledging and releasing the "stuff" in my life seen and unseen that is an obstacle preventing me from experiencing the fullness of the Holy Spirit.  As I wondered about my "stuff" that is being loosened and released floating down the river, I found a perfect rock that was footstool height to sit on.  I let the water run over my legs and it was so refreshing.  I never saw anything mystical but as I was sitting on the rock I noticed two butterflies that were playing in the grassy field beside the water.  I started to hear "Our Father, Our Father, Our Father".  I then began to recite The Lord's Prayer.  I just kept repeating it out load and tears streamed down my face.

At the time I was uncertain what the tears meant.  Now as I am writing this, it was my prayer, my intimate time with God, my known weaknesses, my desperation for Him and my neediness for God.  I realized that each and every day I need His grace, mercy and love to cover me. 

Reciting The Lord's Prayer and the shedding of my tears was a release of love unfeigned.  It is this type of sincere and genuine love that has created a perfect bond and connection to my Heavenly Father.  Colossians 3:14 states that it is love that binds us all together in perfect unity.  It doesn't say that everything is going to be perfect.  In fact Mother Teresa says "true love is love that causes pain, that hurts and yet brings joy.  That is why we must pray to God and ask Him to give us the courage to love."  It takes courage to look at all of our inequities and shortcomings, but even more courage to love ourselves knowing that we are not perfect but a work in progress to become Christ like.

As I was there in silence contemplating my life of what God has given me, my soul just wept with gratitude for the fullness of how I have experienced God's love, gentleness, compassion and grace.  I was basically speechless but my body was releasing humbled emotions that I could not put into words.  Then I remember that Jesus taught His disciples The Lord's Prayer when He would no longer be with them to give them strength, peace and comfort. 

This is exactly what my visit to the river gave me today.  God revealed to me that in all of my circumstances that I can recite The Lord's Prayer when I am overcome with emotion and know not what to pray for.  Just as He gave his disciples strength, peace and comfort, I too experienced that today and was overjoyed and humbled in how He revealed that to me. 

By the way, I did not see my fish...I guess it moved on just as I have done in this next phase of my life.  It is reassuring to know though that no matter where you are at, what you are facing, how you are feeling, The Lord's Prayer is appropriate and honors our Holy, Heavenly Father!