Lost in Thought at Lost River: Where Are You God?

This past week has been my spring break from school, but it certainly has not felt like a break.  All week I have done homework, reading, research, written papers, while also listing and negotiating contracts for real estate which is my livelihood.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for a week of no classes because I am not sure how I would have accomplished all of this.  However, this morning I was feeling the need to just get away for the day and to just let go of thoughts, burdens and a restlessness that I have been experiencing.  I needed to feel and know that God was present with me.  I have been in silence and waiting mode for God just as He has instructed me, but I have to admit, it sometimes gets weary waiting.  I have found myself questioning and asking, "Where are you God?, Are you even hearing my prayers?, What more do you want from me?, How long must I wait?

So I got in my car and headed north on Route 42 and ended up at Lost River State Park off of Rt. 259 in West Virginia.  I parked my car and was immediately drawn to the water.  I sat on a rock wall that overlooked the stream bed that meandered between the forks of the rolling mountainside.  The sun was beaming down on me and it felt so delightful!  It was peaceful listening to the water flowing through the stream, but I could also hear the water rolling out of the mountains as the sun and nearly 60 degree temperatures was melting the snow.  As I was sitting there, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit upon me as my body trembled uncontrollably and I wept.  I really needed to feel God's presence today because I have been praying and asking God where He has been.  I have unanswered prayers and the only thing I keep hearing from God is to wait.  I must also admit that I have voiced and cried out my frustrations at God because I have done each thing He has put before me and asked me to do.  I have been on this God-led spiritual journey now for nearly five years.  This journey certainly was not my plan.  God knows that I have resisted and at times flat out rebelled against  this calling.  During this wrestling period with God, He assured me to trust and believe that He is orchestrating and working on my behalf to answer my prayers.  God never revealed to me though how long I must wait to see the manifestation of my prayers.

I ended up walking through Lost River State Park.  It was like I had the entire park to myself.  As I was walking, I felt the sun radiating upon me and I was inhaling deeply the pine scent.  I gazed up to the blue clear sky.  I was in awe of the towering pines and how the sunlight glistened through. 

Once I finished exploring Lost River State Park, I decided to make a stop at the cabin where I spent a week in solitude with God over Christmas break.  As I walked into the cabin, I was overcome with emotion as I reflected on that special week that I had with Ginger not knowing I would be putting her to sleep the following week.  I sat on the front porch overlooking the five mountain ranges into Mt. Storm.  I sat in the rocking chair and said, "okay God I am here, where are you at?  I really need to hear from you."  Again, I felt God's presence and became emotional weeping as I sat there.  While sitting in the rocking chair, I prayed and asked God to reveal a message through scripture to me.  I randomly opened my Bible and then the wind caught some pages of my Bible and it opened up to the book of James.  The subheading in James 1 is Trials and Temptations.  Verses 2-18 reads:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. 9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. 12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. 13 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 16 Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.  

God did reveal to me through this scripture that He sees and knows my struggles and burdens.  I sat there in silence and meditated until my feet were frozen.  I asked God, "Is there anything else you want to reveal to me before I leave?"  At that time, two red headed woodpeckers flew into a tree that was in front of me.  That too is symbolic and also reassured me that God is hearing my prayers.  I stood there watching them scurrying along the tree.  I watched as each woodpecker went inside and out of holes in the tree.  Then I heard the scripture in Matthew 6:26-27 that says:  ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  Another affirmation of not to worry or doubt!  Before I left, I thanked God and said, "I Love You."

As I left the cabin, I decided to drive over Shenandoah Mountain the back way to Moorefield.  As I experienced God's nature and scenery, I would stop and meditate or take photos of His beauty.  As I was going up the mountain, I passed three bicyclists who were ascending the mountain.  They were in amazing shape, and I was impressed at the pace they were going.  Once I got to the top of the mountain and saw the road sign that showed the next three miles are windy and all downhill, I thought oh how those bicyclists are going to enjoy the downward ride.  I realized that is exactly what my spiritual journey has been like.  It seems like it has been bumpy and all up hill with no sight of the mountain top.  If I want to see the mountaintop and enjoy the downward descent, I must keep pressing onward even when I feel like quitting.  If I don't keep peddling up the mountain, I will never know if God answers my prayer requests or not.  

The drive was so pretty with the mountain ridges still covered in snow.  The dirt roads were in a sloppy and slushy mess.  My white vehicle was now splattered with red mountain clay.  Along the way I saw deer and amazing landscape.  

Once I got to Moorefield, WVA I headed toward Petersburg.  What I noticed along the way is that I was following the river.  For those of you that follow my blog, you know how much I am connected to water.  I crossed over the Potomac River and came upon a park along the side the road.  The park is between the road and a rocky mountain cliff with a railroad track that follows the base of the mountain cliff.  The river is also at the base of that cliff.  I ended up spending time there at the river enjoying the scenery.  

Next I got onto Rt. 220 South and headed toward Franklin, WVA.  As I was driving, I was reflecting on how much I saw God today.  This restlessness that I had been feeling was my body revealing to me its longing to be with God one on one in His beauty and nature.  It is when I am in nature that I feel the closest to God.

As I entered into Franklin, I decided to have supper at Fireside Diner which used to be Thompsons.  When did that change?  I really need to get out more :)  I took my journal in with me and wrote this blog while I ate and enjoyed watching the locals  coming in and interacting with each other.  They were beginning to get really busy, and I had already been there for an hour and a half.  So I decided it was time for me to get back across the mountain. 

Driving up Rt. 33 mountain that overlooks into Brandywine, I just kept staring at the sunset.  It was amazing and looked like brush strokes across the sky.  I could even see a "V" in the sky, but it really doesn't show up in my photos.  I heard the word "Victory".  God assured me again that He has already won the victory and for me to stop doubting and worrying.  On the way down the mountain a song came on the radio by Christy Nockels, "Waiting Here For You."  Yes, I know, WAITING again!  "Waiting Here For You."  What is ironic to me is that I had been surrounded by mountains all day so I had a fresh perspective of how great and majestic the mountains are.  The lyrics are, 

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you, I’m waiting here for you

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation
You’ve loved us from the start

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You

Singing Alleluia
So I found God!  But what I realized He was never missing.  He has been with me the entire time, but I wasn't making time to be present with Him in all of my busyness.  He has also been consistent with His message to me which is "WAIT."  I am so glad that God never gets tired of me questioning and seeking answers.  I am so grateful that God was so affirming and present with me even though I still got the same answer to still "WAIT."  So, yes, I am still a lady in waiting, but one with expectancy! 

I wonder if you have ever had a similar experience of "WAITING?"  If so, share it with me.  I would love to hear about it!

Mandala Anyone?

I first became acquainted with mandalas during my time of study at Eastern Mennonite University in the Master of Arts Counseling program.  Mandalas originated from Sanskrit which is the ancient language of India.  The word mandala means "sacred circle." 

A mandala is basically a drawn circle with images, colors, and designs within that circle.  Psychoanalyst, Carl G. Jung used mandalas with his patients and himself as a way of acknowledging the "inner self."  Jung believed that mandalas portrayed our inner experience at that moment.  He believed it was a way for us to experience our inner world with the chaotic outer world which could bring us into union with ourselves to a feeling of wholeness.

I personally color and create my own mandalas.  I have been amazed at how revealing they are of my inner world when I can't put literal words to what I am experiencing.  Once I have finished or completed a mandala, I spend time with it doing associations with the colors or what the designs may symbolically reveal to me. 

The most extensive mandala that I have ever created was last spring 2013.  I keep a daily journal of my reflections, how I experience God, inspirations from God which sometimes becomes a written devotional, and last and probably my most important work is I log my dreams.  Dreams are the unconscious part of our psyche that is trying to come forth to reveal parts of ourselves to us when our defenses are less activated.  Every person and symbol that shows up in our dream is a part of us.  When we do associations with these parts of ourselves, both inferior and good parts are being brought to our awareness.  When we can integrate all of these parts of ourselves into union with each other, we can experience peace, wellness and wholeness.

So last spring I created a mandala based on my dreams that God revealed to me.  I first drew it in my journal and it was so sacred to me that I decided to create a glass mosaic of it.  It was my journey with God of recklessly abandoning my false self and God taking me to my inner depths.  God revealed to me that He shattered my previous way of being and was now leading me into ministry and what He created me to be and do.  Here is a photo of it.  It is 22 inches in circumference with a wooden frame I had custom made for it.

Today I sat down and began to color a mandala because I have an inner stirring and restlessness within me that I can't name.  Here is a picture of it and this is what God revealed to me.  The purple is at my inner most depth and soul and represents the Holy Spirit within me.  It is  from this place that as my own seeds have been planted, the spirit is also dispersing seeds beyond and through me.  The yellow is God's light and blessing in this process and work that is taking place.  Red is the passion that is being birthed.  Green is the growth that is taking place even though it doesn't seem to be much happening.  I am assured though that it is coming to fruition.  The orange is abundant and it is the harvest that is coming.  The blue is the spirit of protection and peace while all of this is taking place within and without me.

There is a lot that is stirring and it now makes sense to me what I am experiencing.  I would encourage you to try to color your own mandala.  There are several websites that offer free, printable mandalas.  If you decide to take this up, please share with me your mandala and reflection of your experience.  I would love to hear from you!