Waxing & Waning to the Rhythm of Life

image credit:  http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2681/4228573741_f915ecf81c_o.jpg

It is nearly 1 am, Monday, February 10, 2014.  After my time of prayer, devotions and sitting silently in the presence of the Lord, I was ready to turn the light off and go to bed.  No sooner than I turned the light off, my attention was drawn to my window where light was coming in.  In the darkness, I was stumbling and feeling my way around my bedroom to get to the window.  I believed I knew where the light was coming from, but I just had to see if my self.  Sure enough, it was light radiating from the moon.  I pushed back my window sheer and stood there in awe. 

As early as I can remember, I always had a fascination with the night sky, the stars and the moon.  The moon is a feminine energy so maybe that is my pull and draw to the moon.  When I was a kid, I remember in the summer time going outside in my pajamas with a blanket.  I would lie under the night sky looking up at the stars and moon.  I would try to figure out the constellations and just lie there relaxing, wondering and dreaming of what could be.

I got tired of standing at the window and decided to lie down on my back comfortably and meditate upon the night sky, the stars, and the moon.  I wanted to reflect on what was being evoked within me.  I invited the Holy Spirit in to my presence asking what may be revealed to me during this time.  There is only three feet between my bed and the wall where the window is facing out toward the moon.  Yes, I crouched down, maneuvered myself into this space into a position flat on my back with my legs crossed Indian style resting them up on my wall.  I know this doesn't sound too comfortable, but it actually was.

As I laid there asking God to reveal to me the significance of the night sky, the stars and the moon in my waking life, I was amazed at what was revealed to me.  The dark night sky is vast with things seen and unseen.  We can't even begin to comprehend how far reaching God's sky, heaven and galaxies are.  There are things in the sky that we can't see with the naked eye.  There are things still undiscovered despite our advances with technology.  God revealed to me that the night sky is just like our souls.  There are things at the inner depths of our souls that are still undiscovered, unseen and never experienced yet.  It is there waiting to be discovered, revealed and in divine union with God.

Then the stars, some are bright, some faint, and some even unseen.  The stars are similar to our spiritual gifts that God has equipped us with.  Some of our spiritual gifts are manifest or dominate, some are latent gifts that we don't utilize often while others have not been recognized or acknowledged yet.  I have done several tests that help you determine what your manifest and latent gifts are.  The beauty is, there are more hidden gifts that God wants to reveal to us so that we can experience Him and our life here on earth in a more life giving way. 

Lastly, the moon!  Aww the moon!  I get warm and fuzzies even mentioning the moon.  The moon would be similar to us "I" or the true self.  Just like the moon that waxes and wanes, so does the "I".  Each night, week, month, season, and even at certain times of the year, the moon is waxing and waning with the rhythms of life.  The important message of the "I" waxing and waning is the personal question to yourself, "Am I being true to myself "I", and who God created me to be and do?"  Do "I" know who I am in Christ so that no matter what moon phase "I" am experiencing, am I responding to the rhythms of life, no matter what they may be, in a life giving way?  The night sky, the stars and the moon don't resist God's natural order.  "I" too need to live my life just like the night sky, stars, and moon waxing and waning in total abandonment and submission to God's order for my life.  When "I" am being true to myself, self-love can be experienced which overflows into others.

I personally can often overlook God's natural order of waxing and waning with the rhythm of life because my flesh of knowing, wanting and desiring can get in the way or even disrupt this rhythm.  You ask me how can I be sure of this?  I can say that as I sat in this position meditating, I trembled internally knowing that the Holy Spirit was upon me and revealed this to me.  The Holy Spirit is inviting us to surrender and submit to God's natural order for the waxing and waning in our life.  Yes, this can be and is an uncomfortable place to be.  Why?  Because in our flesh, we don't like to give up control, we don't like the unknown, we like to be who we want to be and sadly we care more of what others think of us instead of what God thinks of us.  We just try to fit in with the next new fad, social group or event.  The Holy Spirit is inviting us to submit ourselves, our day, trials, burdens and order to the waxing and waning of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit wants to lead and guide us in the way that we should go revealing to us who we are in Christ. 

How does one find this experience?  It begins by earnestly seeking to encounter the Holy Spirit.  Find a space to sit in the silence, deny yourself of flesh desires, submit to God's will, be in solitude and even experience loneliness.   Yes, it may seem that we may be walking against the way of the world, and we are, but there is no desire here on earth worth more than the eternal glory that we will experience at the right hand of our Heavenly Father. 

This work that we commit to now here on earth is only a stepping stone in preparing our souls for this glorious experience in heaven.  I wonder if we will be ready for it?  It is my prayer that we all will be ready for it.  In God's grip and peace!   

I Am That Woman: Remorseful Sinner With A Jar, Weeping!

On my spiritual journey with God, He has been taking me deeper into the depths of my soul revealing more hidden and masked sin from my past.  The Holy Spirit has convicted me of my inappropriate and poor choices in my past.  As I acknowledge who I used to be, I weep with sorrow for my sinful nature.  My tears are also of thankfulness and gratitude for God rescuing me from the deep pit of despair to my near self-destruction.

As I have reflected on where I was and where God has brought me, I realized that "I am that woman...the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume" in Matthew 26:6-13; Mark14:1-8; and Luke 7:36-50.  I found images on the internet of the woman at Jesus' feet.  I can only stare and repeat, "that is me, that is me."  I was that woman who lived a sinful life, but now have come to realize the depth of what Jesus did for me by wiping away my debt.

I have always professed of being a Christian.  I went to church sometimes regularly and sometimes intermittently on Sundays, but I was not in an intimate relationship with God allowing the Holy Spirit to guide and lead my choices and decisions.  I was going through the motions of showing up on Sunday's doing my time in the pews.  I served and volunteered my time as well justifying my deeds.  However, I was living out of my own comfort of flesh and worldly desires which satisfied me in the short term, but soon come to realize that I was empty, void and doing great harm to my soul which also inadvertently affected others close around me adversely. 

In September 2009, I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ by being re-baptized in Beaver Creek.  That week, it had rained really hard and there was a cold front that had went through.  My pastor, Glenn Bollinger, had to go and make a new place in Beaver Creek for the baptism because the normal spot was too deep.  The water was so cold that day that I had to walk in slowly trying to get my body accustomed to it.  The first time I was dunked in the name of the Father, it took my breath and I felt like I could not breathe.  Little did I know at the time, that this experience was going to be a metaphor for my spiritual journey of going to the inner depths of my soul in order to find God's living, sustaining waters that would sometimes leave me gasping for air shedding many, many tears.  It has been a slow, painful transformational process of God graciously peeling back the many layers of a lifetime of hidden sin and past decay.  I often think of it as if I am similar to an onion where each layer is being peeled off with a welling up of tears streaming down my face as I endure the harsh, strong odor of the onion.  I never realized the depth of this work that God would be doing within me of uprooting and purging my soul.  This has been the most painful work and discipline I have ever endured in my entire life.  I also realize that it is the most essential spiritual discipline that I must commit to of self-examining myself each and every day.

My commitment to walk out my faith to one of serving Jesus Christ has become a spiritual discipline of where I discern and ask myself the same life giving questions each day.  These questions are:  1.  Do my choices and decisions align with God's word and truth in scriptures?  2.  Is it the truth?  3.  Is it pleasing to God?  4.  Is it pure in heart, words, deeds, actions and thoughts? 5.  It is in God's will for me?  6.  Am I living transparently every day?  7.  Will it glorify God and further His kingdom? 

Even though God's love, grace, and mercy has rescued and saved me, I know that I still have negative and false parts within me because of the fallen world I was born into of original sin.  To help remind me of this fact, I wear two cross bracelets most days.  One is a cross with black beads on it that reminds me that everyday I have to look and go to the inner dark depths within myself called shadow parts.  It is painful to look at these dark places within myself, but one that is necessary so that God can continue to transform me into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.  The second cross bracelet that I wear is white pearl looking beads.  It reminds me that I have to do the deep dark inner work in order for God to release my creative, full potential that is within me waiting to be birthed and unfolded.  It gets obstructed by the unacknowledged and unrecognized dark shadow parts of self.  I praise God for revealing this to me and the gift of His Son who rescued and saved a sinner like me. 

So yes, I am no different than the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume that wept at Jesus' feet, dried his feet with her hair and poured her perfume onto his feet out of her deepest love and adoration for what He had done for her.  Out of my own remorse, I recognize that He redeemed and is continually restoring my soul in which I willingly participate with this lifetime of ongoing work.  I too am at Jesus' feet deeply in love giving my heart and self to God as a gift back to Him for what He has done for me.  Amen!