Deafening Silence & Stillness Experiencing God's Peace

I awakened today recognizing something different within myself.  Something had shifted for me that I can't put words too.  When I awoke, I was praising God unconsciously.  I can't recall or remember any dreams that I had either, but also had the sense and feeling that I was praising God all night long through my sleep.  I know how bizarre that sounds.

During my time of morning meditation and prayer, it was also different.  There was a deafening silence and stillness that I am experiencing that is new for me.  By deafening, I mean there are no chattering voices of inferior thoughts, no demanding voices of my attention or voices driving me to do more because its never enough.  Now it is one of inner calm, peace and harmony.  I wonder if this is the integration and union of the Divine that gives us peace, joy, love and hope that is on earth like it is in heaven as described in The Lord's Prayer?

Today at my church, Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren, I was the worship leader. I felt a sense of peace and at home in doing so.  My pastor, Glenn Bollinger, spoke on the passage Psalm 100:1-5.  He asked the question, "What does God want?"  From the passage, Glenn reflected that God wants us to praise and worship Him.  In doing so, He asks us to find gladness within ourselves and to worship the Lord with gladness.  Secondly, Glenn said that we must find a place for joyful songs, our songs whatever that may be or look like to worship the Lord.  Thirdly, Glenn shared that we must find a place for truth within us but also theologically.  We must recognized that we belong to the Lord and we are not our own.  Finally, Glenn said that we must find a place of thanksgiving.  He said we should worship God for who He is because God is Lord and has lavished us with His grace.  It was such a positive and inspirational message of how we should praise and worship God.  Because God is Lord of all, He is also good.  So in the midst of our trials, circumstances or pain we may forget to praise and worship God through it all.  He is good and He knows what we need when we don't.

After worship, the congregation shared in a carry-in meal followed by a congregational business meeting.  About three quarters of the way through the meeting, I felt God calling me out to the river of Beaver Creek.  I acknowledged that nudge and left the meeting.  As soon as I pulled up to the river and parked, I became emotional and started to weep, but I am not sure what I was weeping about.  I sat in the very same place where God spoke to me and directed my steps over the summer while writing in  my journal. 

As I was sitting there, a Holstein cow visited me and was very curiously watching me from a distance.  The cow must have felt comfortable though because it continued to graze, it walked out into the water and even went to a fallen down tree to scratch its back leisurely.

I just kept asking myself what is it about this place:  the river and the water where God continues to lead me too?  The emotion is deep and overwhelming that I can't even begin to describe with words.  Is it possibly humility, humbleness, gratefulness, praise, a lament, or something that God is about to reveal to me that is coming forth?  I simply do not know.  I can only trust, believe and rest in God's  care and timing to reveal this to me in His perfect timing and not mine.  I must be comfortable to sit in His mysterious ways and the ambiguity.

Maybe the lesson for the journey is for me to live with even more abandonment allowing God to fully lead and direct each step and decision.  In the meantime, He is asking me to be full of gladness, to sing Him a joyful song, let it be the truth all with thanksgiving. 

My heart fills enlarged with a radiating warmth and one of peace.  He is reminding me at the river that His living water flows in, through and out of me always that only He can give.  I am so grateful!  Praise God!    Amen!

River Reflections from God

Oh God, I have been cleaning house on this Saturday rainy morning.  As you know I have been struggling with intense emotional warfare for the past three weeks to the point of internally feeling sick and knowing that my soul is groaning for what I do not even know!  Thursday evening as I laid on my bedroom floor wailing and crying out to You wondering when You are going to move and deliver me from this anguish, I was angry at You and wondering why You haven't let me hear or know Your presence for the past three weeks in the manner that I am accustomed to experiencing You.  I wondered if You too had abandoned and rejected me!  I asked You what else do You want to take from me?  I have nothing else left to give You.  You have stripped me of everything that was important to me that I loved.  Yes You even stripped me of myself and I even gave You my heart.  It seems that I have been going through the fire for a very long season and I wonder when I will see a breakthrough to answered prayers or some movement.

Then yesterday, Friday, I was between appointments and had about 40 minutes to spare and I felt like You were calling me to the river at Port Republic.  It was not an ideal day to go to the river to reflect because it was rainy and cold, but I went anyway.  I was there for a long time and nothing came.  I thought again, another time of empty reflections, no answers or messages.  I wanted to leave because I was so cold and wasn't experiencing anything, but something was not allowing me to leave.  I stood at the edge of the river and kept looking at how the river came together and parted in three ways:  maybe representing where I have been, maybe where I am at currently and possibly where I may be going?  What was interesting where the river was flowing too, it forked going two possible ways.  However at the one fork, it was completely obstructed and blocked with tress, broken limbs and debris so the only way to get by was to take the other fork in the river which was a very narrow path.  There I believe is my answer that I am to continue on the narrow path and not keep trying to force or move to the one that has been obstructed possibly for my own protection.  I've been waiting for a long time for a door to open so that I can move into this new direction, but nothing has happened.  Am I supposed to get into the water and say "Yes" to the narrow path? 

Shortly before I was getting ready to leave a hawk flew over me that kept circling above me.  I followed it and it eventually ended up in a wooded area where I could hear the hawk calling out.  I think God was using the hawk to call me out into the water and to say "Yes" to His calling upon my life and to stop resisting or wanting things my way.  It reminded me that I need to stay focused on the vision that God has placed on my heart for a ministry and not be distracted by the impermanent things of this world.

Where I was standing, there were empty freshwater shells everywhere revealing to me that everything dead within me has been purified by emptying my soul of past hurts and sin that will allow me to walk out into the water into a new spiritual realm.  This will allow me to do God's work effortlessly.

Right before I left, I looked up across the river and saw a crane standing beside the water that I had not seen previously.  It was like it mystically appeared.  The crane was also a message from God revealing to me that there is FREEDOM getting into the water and this is where I can find hope, peace and healing.  God reveals that to us in Matthew 6:10 in the Lord's Prayer where it says, "your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  This is what God wants to give all of us....FREEDOM in Him and only Him! 

Will you get in the water with me?  Now I want to go back to the river and canoe down the narrow path and see what else God may reveal to me.  I also want to honor God by going down the river letting Him know that I am saying "Yes" to this next narrow path where He is leading me into another spiritual realm living out this calling that He has placed upon my heart.

I am wondering if you will do this with me????  Any takers????  The more the merrier...I would love to be surrounded by fellow believers and supporters on this new river journey where God is taking me. 

Praying Mantis, New Flight, New Heights!

For the past couple of weeks, I have been seeking and praying to hear from God.  Since the sell of my home and move, God went silent on me which I was not expecting.  When God was having me surrender all, He revealed to me that it was necessary for the next door to open for this vision that he placed on my heart.  Silence was the last thing that I was expecting from Him. 

In the meantime, I have continued to meditate, pray, walk, run, and reflect on what all of this means.  I must admit, it has created an unsettled feeling within me wondering why now the silence.  I have even stopped dreaming during this period which has never happened to me in the past 4 years that I have been journaling. 

My time of prayer and meditation has definitely been different during this season and time.  I have experienced God and the Holy Spirit in a new way. Instead of me hearing from Him, I am feeling and having a body felt sense experience with Him which has been amazing.  On the morning of September 17th as I was meditating, my heart was beating strongly against my chest cavity wall as I was breathing in deeply.  My heart felt so warm, so secure and like God was actually holding and protecting it.  It was such a surreal feeling that I did not want to get up from my meditation posture.  I actually became emotional because it was such a sacred and sensual feeling.  It definitely was a divine, intimate exchange where I experienced God so close.  I have also noticed God at the center of all of my relationships and interactions with others where I will begin to tremble internally knowing that God is present in the moment. 

There is a part of me though that is wondering.  I am wondering why God has went silent and is being present in a body felt sense way with me.  I definitely appreciate the intimate encounters with God, but there is a part of me that is wanting to hear answered prayers and revelations from God.  What possibly could He be doing during this time within me? 

God has also revealed His presence to me in other ways as well.  I am seeing and receiving messages from Him through nature and synchronistic events that are happening around me giving me affirmations of His presence.  Within the past week, I have randomly found five bird feathers on my path in various places.  As I have held, breathed and meditated with the feathers, God revealed that this is a message of taking me to a higher realm of the unknown and that I am continuing on the right path. 

During this time period, I have also had four different praying mantis encounters.  One morning one was clinging to the front of my door.  Another morning I awakened to one on my bedroom window and last evening on my break from class, I walked outside and there it was on the sidewalk.  I thought this is definitely a symbolic message that I need to pay attention too.  I searched on the internet and discovered that mantis is a Greek word that means prophet.  So I drew the praying mantis in my journal and meditated with it to see what the prophet may reveal to me.  And then, I heard from God!  The silence was broken and this is what He revealed to me.

Beautiful One,
I am calling you out into heights of the unknown.  You continue to cling to what you know, what you want and what you desire.  Do you not trust Me?  Release all of your fears, doubts and questions to Me and Let Go!  I need all of the obstacles removed and decluttered so that I can move you into the next realm of possibilities.  I have sent random bird feathers along your path to give you affirmations that you are on the right path.  I want to open you up beyond boundaries you never thought possible.  I sent the praying mantis so that it could be praying for you helping to intercede for you against the spiritual warfare you are experiencing.  Beautiful One, the feathers and praying mantis are reminders that I am with you reminding you of your purpose and meaning for My kingdom.  Feathers are light, free from burdens and obstacles where they can help you to take flight to heights beyond your comprehension.  The feather is your direct access to the next door that you must walk through.  Beautiful One, I am taking you on an honoring flight where there is much energy and a new awakening taking place.  Use the feather as your guide to carry you to the great unknown realms knowing that there are prayer "mantis" warriors and angels surrounding you and interceding for you. 

Continue to pray allowing the mantis and feathers to be your guide.  You are headed to a new realm!