My Inability to Chop Wood Humiliated Me: Series Six of Six

From my time up on the mountain, I can't get one incident off my mind.  I was nearly out of chopped wood and there were only big pieces left so I needed to chop up some wood.  My sweet sister in faith left me a maul in case this would happen.

In my younger days, this was nearly an every day occurrence or chore for me at my parent's home.  Little did I know that day with the maul in my hand and the piece of wood so perfectly situated that I was ready to chop some wood, so I thought!  I picked up the maul, swung it around with as much force as I could and hit the right edge of the wood.  To my amazement the maul only made a small dent in the piece of wood and bounced back toward me.  I was in disbelief, but I thought okay I didn't swing hard enough.  So I rared back and swung the maul even harder.  This time I was shocked!  The same thing happened.  So I repeated it again....the same thing!  I thought what is going on?  Could I have really gotten this weak and I can no longer chop wood?  I was humiliated and my ego was crushed!  So as I sulked, I gave up trying to chop wood and walked back into the cabin.  I thought that either the large pieces of wood were going to burn or it was going to be a couple of final cold days for me.  Luckily the wood did burn for me.  Also embarrassing, I found where my sister in faith and her husband had already chopped and stacked wood for me on the front porch that I did not discover until my fourth day at the cabin which is funny now to think about. However, I could not get that incident off my mind and wondered if there was significance or a message that was trying to be conveyed to me.  It certainly was!  That piece of dry wood was exactly like a hardened or lost soul.

I have been on a spiritual quest now for over four years.  I have been praying, fasting, meditating, giving, serving, studying God's word along with many other spiritual disciplines.  It has been an inner process of transformation for me.  What I realized is that piece of wood represented my very soul that used to be hardened, lost and dry.  A hardened, lost or dry soul doesn't have the capability or capacity to receive God's love, grace and forgiveness.  It doesn't matter how much effort you put into these spiritual disciplines if there is still hidden sin and past decay rooted within your spirit and soul.  You can't fully receive God's perfect love and have union with Him with a hardened, lost or dry soul.  So I realized that my time at the cabin was a time to deepen my relationship with God through contemplation by just being present with God without asking, praying or requesting anything from Him.  I was being present for Him to have His way with the inner workings of my soul.  That stirring and stripping was taking me to a place of nothingness.  In my nothingness He could then purge, purify and transform my spirit and soul.  He was preparing me to receive His perfect love.

You see if you don't open yourself up to this process, everything you do is like working and swinging the maul as hard as you can, but it never gets the job done of splitting the wood to the core.  If you are not open and ready for this process it is like swinging a maul as hard as you can to have it only hit the wood and bounce back off of it making only a dent in the wood. 

I was finally at a stuck place realizing I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't seeing any growth or progress from all of my efforts.  So I had to open myself up both heart and soul in order to allow God's inner soul and spirit to work within me that would prepare me to receive this overflowing, intimate, pure, unfailing, and unending love for me.  None of that was in my efforts.  It was God's work.  It was the most exhilarating feeling that I have ever felt in my entire life.  I can't even begin to explain it and even after experiencing it, I still can't comprehend fully what I experienced other than to say, I want more of it from the One and only True Lover of My Soul, God.  I know He will never abandon, deceive or fail  me.  This I know is true as God has continued to be faithful to me on this journey with Him thus far. 

I will never forget this humiliating experience of my inability to chop the wood, but again it is the perfect place to encounter God in my weakness, nothingness and humiliation.  It is always at that place where God reveals a life lesson to me in how everyday He is refining me in His image!  I am so grateful for His patience, gentleness, grace and love for me in all of my weaknesses and imperfections.

If you feel stuck or stale in your relationship with God, go out and try to chop some wood to see if your soul is hardened, lost or dry.  No seriously, find a place to seek and encounter God one on one and invite Him into your heart and soul allowing Him to have His way in your inner most depths.  It will be the most exhilarating and intimate experiences you will ever have.  Once you experience it, you will spend more solitude time with God wanting to experience more.    

Restless Night at the Cabin: Series Five of Six

On my last night at the cabin, I had a restless night's sleep that I attributed to my hesitancy of wanting this time of solitude to end with God.  It has been one of the most enriching and intimate experiences I have ever encountered with God.  I was up and down all night and would sit in the rocking chair looking out the glass doors toward Mt. Storm mountain range.

As I sat there reflecting how perfect this time has been, I just wept and told God that I did not want this time to end.  I prayed and asked Him to go with me back home and be with me like this all the time.  I have never felt so much love, peace and security in my entire life.

I finally went back to bed and dozed off awakening this morning with so much gratitude but also ambivalence of returning home.  I slowly began to pack things up and clean the cabin.  As I have been doing so, there have been so many black birds that I have not seen since I've been at the cabin.  As I looked out the glass doors, they are circling over the cabin and cawing out soaring high into the sky toward Mt. Storm.  God is telling me, "it is time!"  He is "cawing" me out to now go!  He revealed to me that there is much work to be done.  He assured me that he is holding on to me and it is time to soar just like the birds.  It is a time to soar to new things emerging and a time to soar to new heights that I never thought possible.  Yes, God is calling me out to soar on His behalf and on His wings sharing His love, grace, mercy and compassion with all of humanity.

I now felt comforted and knew as well it was time for me to go and finish preparing to do God's work.  I looked down at Ginger who was laying beside me at this door where she often stayed.  This too was her favorite place to meditate with me as well.  She could look out the glass door and rest peacefully, snoring contently.  Knowing that she is getting to the end of her life as a result of her lymphoma, it was also such a special time for the both of us to share this experience together.  I will never forget our time here and what she has meant to me on my faith journey where she has given me so much companionship.

When I was loading things up into my car, she was prematurely trying to jump in.  This too was also my answer, it was time for us to go home!  While driving home, we were singing and praising God with a new song and perspective upon our hearts.  It was good to be home!

Go With Expectancy!: Series Four of Six

Day four was the most amazing day of revelation from God.  For the first three days, God was purging my soul and spirit by rooting out hidden sin and past decay.  This is the morning that I awakened to a time of perfect union with God feeling His all encompassing love for me assuring me too that the storm is over and has passed.  God obscured my former sight with a mystical fog that surrounded me while giving me new sight and healing.  He poured down the rains for cleansing and nourishment for this new planting that He has placed  upon my heart, spirit and soul.

Then as I sat in the complete dark that evening, the winds of God's spirit were moving about fiercely outside with new revelations stirring and moving within me.  The word that I heard from the Lord for 2014 was Expectancy! 

I am in utter awe of what God revealed to me and these words came called "Go with Expectancy."

The storm is over
The storm has passed
Don't look back
To the damage that was done

Out of every storm
As obscure as it may seem
New things emerge
Of flourishing things unseen

It never would have come to be
Losses so intimate and deep
A birth obstructed
By hidden sin and past decay

Your on your way now
Your soul purged and purified
To spiritual poverty and nothingness
To one unified with My perfect love

I am equipping you
With wisdom unattainable by flesh
For the work before you
To altruistically serve humanity

Now press forward
With renewed spirit and soul
One of humility, courage and love
Go with Expectancy, glorifying My name in all you do!
Amen

Mystical Morn...The Storm Has Passed: Series Three of Six

I awakened this morning to the sound of rain hitting the tin roof of the cabin at 6 am.  I looked out the glass doors from my bed and there was a mystical, enamored look outside where I could only see the outline of the tall dark trees which was surrounded by fog.  My view of the five mountain ranges was obscured and engulfed by the fog.  I no longer could see into Mt. Storm where the red lights flashed on the mountain range of the 132 wind farm turbines.  I wondered what this could possibly mean.  Since I arrived at the cabin, I have been mesmerized by the mountain range and the red flashing lights at night.

I then heard a voice that said, "The storm has passed.  It is finished and it is done.  It is now in the past and no longer will you look behind you.  Move on, press forward and look to the new that I am bringing forth into your life."

I felt like God had done something amazing and shifting within me at this place at this appointed time.  I felt such warmth, peace, excitement, and full of expectation for what God was preparing me for!  Then I dozed back off to sleep and had the most beautiful dream I have ever had in my life.

I dreamed that I encountered God!  I just kept repeating and saying to God how beautiful He was.  Even when I awoke, I was still repeating and saying how beautiful God was.  I have never been so close to experiencing God.  I believe God showed up in my dream to affirm the inner work that He has been doing within me of purging my soul of hidden sin and past decay.  I believe by Him showing up in my dream it was a way to indicate that I am ready to become at one with Him to experience His perfect, unfailing and unending love for me so that I can share it freely with others. 

I sat up in my bed to look out the glass doors.  Outside my window were three deer standing.  My entire time at the cabin I had not see any wildlife of any kind.  I asked God, "Is this you God?"  I didn't hear anything, but in my heart, I sense it was Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

Time of Contemplation: Second Series of Six

I know why God brought me to the cabin for a time of solitude.  It was to get me away from all distractions and things of this world.  It was a time of contemplation for me where God was refining, purging and purifying my spirit and soul.  It was a time for me to do nothing and to just "be" present with God allowing Him to root out buried sin and past decay within my spirit and soul.  This process was a necessary process so that I can be fully prepared to receive His unified love where flesh, spirit and soul mesh in perfect love.  This enmeshment is necessary so that I can go out and serve in perfect love to all of humanity that God puts before me.  God is equipping me with a wisdom that is not attainable through my flesh undertakings.

At this point, no prayer, meditation, or any efforts I try to achieve on my own will not get me closer or in union with God sooner.  This is a mystical experience; an inner working of God alone in transforming my soul.  This process is necessary so that I recognize and acknowledge that this purification process was not of my efforts but of God alone so that I don't become prideful with an inflated ego.  This process is further stripping me to nothingness of spiritual poverty and humility.

This is a necessary process so that when God has completed His work in my spirit and soul and sends me out, I will be fully prepared for the exaltation experience humbly giving God all of the glory.  This was my second lesson from God that I had to be present to the necessary inner soul work that can only come and be of God in order to receive His perfect love for me. 

Time of Soluitude with God: First of Six Series

For about two weeks I had been having a body felt sense stirring within me and knew God was manifesting something within me.  This was a new feeling for me.  I heard God calling me to a time of solitude with Him.  As silly as it seemed to me, I sent out a random email to my coworkers and a sister in faith responded that she would love to share her family cabin with me.  She shared with me that when her father was building the cabin when she was a child, that he told her to be sure to share the cabin with her friends.  This had recently been weighing on her heart of how her and her husband could share the cabin with their friends.  Then she said, my email came.  It was so God ordained.  I am in awe to think that when her father was building this cabin, God already knew that He would be calling me up to this cabin at this specific divine time.  I can't even begin to comprehend this knowing and foretelling that God has. 

As I was preparing for this time of solitude everything went effortlessly from organizing, preparing, loading and driving up to the mountaintop cabin.  Even loading and driving Ginger, my sick dog with lymphoma, she also had a peace to her as well.  She usually does not like to ride but something was even different for her and she seemed excited and expectant.  As I was driving, she was looking out the back window and not whimpering like she normally does.  I had such a peace about this, knowing that this was all God ordained.  I had been praying that this would be a "shack" experience where I would encounter Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  I was expectant!

As soon as I arrived, I unloaded everything out of my car.  The wind was blowing so hard on the mountaintop, the wind was frigid and cutting through me, and flurries were flying around.  My car thermometer said a frigid 35 degrees but I know the wind chill must have been in the 20's.  I also gathered in wood and proceeded to start a fire.  I am so thankful to a soul friend who share the idea with me to buy starter logs.  They worked wonderfully!  It took the cabin a long time to warm up and I thought my feet were never going to thaw out.  I laid down on the sofa for a bit and I ended up dozing off to sleep.  When I awakened, the sun was setting.  It was the most beautiful site.  To the west, the mountains had an orange radiating glow to them.  To the north, I overlooked five mountain ranges into Mt. Storm where I could see glimpses of the 132 wind farm turbines.  I also saw smoke rising from the chimneys of the power plant.  Those mountains were so vibrant of blue and violet hues.

With all of the lights off in the cabin, I reclined in the chair and watched night come.  In the skyline I saw a bright star that was probably Venus toward the west.  I meditated upon the star and followed it.  As I followed it, sometimes it would appear to divide and be two, other times it would appear as if it were coming toward me and at one point it even resembled the image of an angel to me.  I continued to meditate upon it and asked it to speak to me. 

At that moment, I became emotional and felt so much gratitude for the opportunity to be at this place knowing that God called me here to encounter Him for a specific time or message.  I felt and knew what a blessing this sacred time was for me to be here.  I prayed to God as I sat there in awe praising Him.  I told God that this was just all so perfect!

That is when God revealed to me that His plans are always perfect!  He assured me that He doesn't miss even one detail and that nothing will be lacking!  I thought, WOW!, yes, when I am in God's perfect will, yes things do just fall into place effortlessly.  I asked myself when will I finally get this and try to stop my own plans, desires and agendas?  I wondered why I can't let go of this control or stronghold upon me?

This would be the first of many of God's lessons for me during my time at the cabin.  I sat there in awe until I was so sleepy that I got up and went to bed.  I was now intrigued and wondered  what else God would reveal to me during my time here!    

PS - Yes, I am dressed in layers with my dad's blaze orange vest on.  Bear hunting season is in and I didn't want to take the chance of being mistaken for a bear with a purple hat on!  :)