One Minute With God

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If you don't meditate, I would encourage you to do so by beginning this week for just one minute each day.  Each week then continue to increase your time until you can have at least 15 minutes a day with God being present with no distractions.

This morning I had the most intimate experience with God.  I felt Him holding my aching, sorrowful heart that radiated warmth and peace throughout my entire body.  I envisioned His hands lovingly holding my heart.  It was such a peaceful feeling that I no longer noticed my aching heart.  I did not want to get up and leave this space.  I am usually at this place with God for about 30 minutes or so, and I have had some instances where I have been at this place for nearly two hours. 

As you experience God this way in these moments, you continue to come back for more wondering how you might experience God in the new day.  What amazes me is that while I am spending this one on one time with God, I have no consciousness of time.  What I have learned is that when I start my day in meditation with God, my day has order, my day works more effortlessly, I carry a peace with me throughout the day no matter what I am faced with, and others also feel and experience this peace.  No matter how much time I spend with God each day, it always feels like I have gained hours in the day and I am just more relaxed. 

My time of meditation with God is quieting me internally which is opening up a space for God to reside.  My aim each day is to create so much space within me that God is the only one that  has residence within me that gives me this feeling of balance, equanimity, and non-dualistic thoughts that gives me this peace and harmony.  That is what it means to be in union and one with God!  It begins with being intentional to spend time with God in meditation.

I encourage you to be still, and learn God's voice, touch, and whispers.  When you still yourself, you are able to discern God's voice from all of the other chattering voices.  This is the entry way to obtaining God's wisdom.  Psalm 1:2-3 says, "but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and who meditates on his law day and night.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers."  Sounds like to me this is a promise that if we meditate with God and in His word, He will guide our way in life enriching ways.  It begins with one minute a day!  You will be glad you started!  Let me know how it goes and how it has affected your life.  Hope to hear from you :)  In peace. 

Who Is This God That Gives & Takes Away Whom is Calling Me to Serve Him?

Oh God, as you know, my heart aches and I am full of sorrow.  I keep asking, "Who is this God that gives and takes away and is asking me to serve Him?"  God you know how hard it is for me to make myself vulnerable to attach to relationships or beloved pets, but when I finally do, it seems like you strip or take them away from me.  Just when I feel I have nothing else to give or be taken, you reveal to me otherwise. 

God as you know, the latest news I got on Monday is that my beagle, Ginger, of six years who has been my companion and buddy during  major life transitions for me was diagnosed with Stage III Lymphoma in most of her lymph nodes.  There is nothing that can be done except to make her comfortable with steroids.  I will eventually have to make a decision to put her to sleep when the medicine no longer keeps her comfortable.

Ginger has been my walking buddy, she has meditated with me often on the Discipleship Hill  and has given me company while I'm studying and reading sitting at my feet faithfully. The news of Ginger's cancer crushed my heart God and actually made me angry at you.  I was questioning who You are.  She is only six, in good physical condition and I understand this is not common among beagles.  In such a short period of time I have surrendered and lost so much.  I don't understand for what or why?  All I could do Monday evening is cry which prevented me from sleeping. 

During my time of meditation I have been reflecting on Psalm 103 for a week to see what You would speak to me.  I must admit, Monday night I didn't want to read it or much less give You praise as the Psalm indicates.  I read it aloud anyway, crying the entire way through taking needed breaks in between.  I eventually fell asleep.

Tuesday morning as soon as I awakened, I again started questioning and asking, "Who is this God?"  I decided to go to my front window where I often get beautiful sunrises against the backdrop of Massanutten Peak.  The sky was nothing spectacular, but in the tree in front of my house were two red headed wood peckers.  I began to cry uncontrollably because at my previous house, I had four red headed wood peckers that showed up last December that I had never seen before in my seven years that I was at that home.  They stayed with me until I moved in July of this year.  The new owners have not seen them since they have moved in.

Now unexpectantly, or probably timely, these two red headed wood peckers show up when I need to see You God.  The same message that you gave me last December was exactly what I needed to hear this week as I was questioning You.  I never thought I would see any red headed wood peckers in the city and synchronistically they appear!

As I have spent more intentional time with Ginger, I have continued to question and ask, "Who this God is that is asking me to serve Him."  God revealed to me that He is not the one that causes evil, diseases, sin or despair.  That is all of the enemy because of this fallen world that we live in.  God has reassured me that He has overcome the world though.  God revealed some amazing realizations to me in my questioning Him.  God has shown me that He is at the Center of everything no matter what I am experiencing or going through, but often I can't see or comprehend what is happening because I lose my focus of Him which is at the Center of me.  God revealed to me that He has no boundaries, and He is asking me to trust and believe in Him and His timing in all things.

Through Ginger's diagnosis and me being able to see into and feel her soul, God has revealed to me some life lessons this past week.  Even though Ginger is sick, she still wags her tail when I talk to her, when it's time to eat or when I ask if she wants to take a walk.  Despite her cancer, she is still showing joy in the small details of her life experiences.  While walking her the other evening, she even still had strength enough to pull on me when she saw a cat that she wanted to chase.  Always on our walks, she always wants to stop along the way to smell the fire hydrants, the lamp posts or bushes.  I guess you could say she is "stopping to smell the roses"  even though her time is limited.  She has also revealed to me that it is okay to rest and take naps when you are tired.  She is sleeping more often now, but when she is awake, she is fully alive and full of joy.  And oh, the belly rubs!  She has no problem rolling over asking for her belly to be rubbed.  Also when we get done with our walks and we are meditating, she rolls on her back through the grass with her legs straight up in the air as she is scooting along looking pretty silly.  I always laugh at her because it is pretty funny!

What Ginger has taught me is that life is too short!  Enjoy each moment in the present - not looking into the past, nor the future.  Enjoy the journey that is before me, but take time to "smell the roses".  It is not about the destination, but how I travel along the path of the journey that has been laid our for me.  Rest often in the presence of God.  Whatever I do, do it joyfully and it is okay to get on my back and roll around like a fool if that is what I feel inclined to do.  It doesn't matter what others think or may say about me.  The most important thing is to be true to myself and to love others unconditionally just as Ginger has done with me. 

God I thank you for allowing me to question you.  I thank you for opening my eyes further to how infinite you are without borders and no circumference.  I thank you that you are at the very Center of my being participating in my journey and experiences with me.  You do feel and know my feelings, thoughts and emotions.  God I pray that you will continue to pierce my soul and take me deeper in my intimate relationship with You.  As Psalm 103 opens and closes, "Praise the Lord, O my soul, Praise the Lord, O my soul." 

I can't even begin to understand all of your benefits, but it is through life experiences, trials, hurts, pain, despair, loss, grace, mercy, suffering and love that You continue to increase my spiritual sight, you empty myself of me, you show me how to love unconditionally, you show me how to forgive, you show me how not to judge, you give me grace so that I can give others grace, and you give me a well of compassion that can't be contained for others, nature and Your beloved animals.  God you have given me such a gift in emptying me out of myself so that I can be Your hollowed out vessel to serve and love others until the end altruistically sharing what You have done for me giving you all the glory!

I confidently and loudly say, "Praise the Lord, O My Soul, Praise the Lord, O My Soul."  Amen!

God Calling Me to Ascend Afton Mountain: What I Wasn't Expecting

Today I received in the mail a correspondence addressed to me as Reverend LaDawn P. Knicely.  When I saw it, it touched me in a deeply emotional and profound way.  As I have been in Seminary, I have known that I was going to be in ministry in some capacity, but just not entirely sure what.  This correspondence hit me today and was a realization that yes, I am in fact going to be a Pastor in God's timing and by His will.  I have just one and half more year to complete which is just hard to believe.  This certainly was not in my plans!

All I could do after getting this correspondence was just weep, and I felt a deep questioning of how God could use me and why me?  I am just a simple country girl from Briery Branch, VA, which is a rural setting west of Dayton, VA toward the George Washington National Forest with the mountain Narrow Back practically in my parent's backyard where I grew up.  It was a humbling feeling, but one much deeper that I could not articulate by naming or putting words to it.  I guess my tears were releasing something from me that the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf to God. 

I felt God nudging and calling me to go to Afton Mountain in Waynesboro, VA.  I felt this urgency to go and get there even though I had reading and homework that I wanted to work on this evening.  I knew this feeling though and knew that I would be restless until I went.  I knew that God must have a message or something to reveal to me on the mountain. 

As I got to the base of the mountain on Rt. 64, I saw the blinking highway sign that said to "Use Caution, Fog on Mountain."  I thought great!  Now why would God lead me up here when I can't see or take in His majestic mountain views?  I was feeling a bit frustrated and wondering if I had really heard God correctly.  As I got to the top of the mountain, it was so foggy that drivers had their hazard lights on, and I missed the turn that takes me out on the Parkway.  I am now traveling down Rt. 250 going toward Charlottesville.  It is so foggy that each time I get to a place where I could turn around, I come upon it too late to signal that I want to turn around because there are other vehicles behind me.    As I get close to the bottom of the mountain on Rt. 250, it is more visible, and I am able to safely turn around.

Once I get turned around, I am now again ascending back up the mountain.  I finally come to the turn off and travel slowly through the fog.  It is scary because I literally can't see out in front of me, and I am wondering how I will navigate my way back out and not get lost on the mountain.   I find the first place to pull off, and I am still wondering why God has brought me here.  I can't see anything!  So I go ahead and get my blanket, Bible and journal out of my vehicle.  I lay the blanket in front of my vehicle and sit down.  As I am sitting there, I feel the cool mist of the fog and feel gentle droplets of water upon my face.  I instantly become flooded with words and begin to understand why God brought me to the foggy mountain top. 

He is calling me and asking me to ascend to a greater height and new dimension mountain top experience.  What that means I think is that I must fully and completely surrender my flesh desire of wanting to see and know the outcome of where God is leading me.  He is asking me to trust at a deeper level than what I am used too.  As waves of fog visibly move past me in a mystical way, he is asking me to be like the mystical fog ascending to the top of the mountain.  God is asking me that even though I don't know where I am headed, I can't see borders, or road signs leading and guiding me, He is asking me to keep walking, press forward and moving upward in the dense fog to the top of the mountain.

He showed me as I took the wrong turn and was descending down the mountain where there was less fog that it is easier to travel there because I can see in my own sight, my own comfort and my own control.  He is asking me to surrender my sight to Him, release my comfort to Him and release my control to Him.  He is asking me to ascend to a new dimension to the top of the mountain even though I can't see anything.  He is asking me to trust my everything to Him with a recklessly abandoned faith because this is necessary for the next doors to open where God is leading me.  He wants me to rest completely in His will and strength for this timely unfolding recognizing that it all is for God's glory and not mine.  He is calling me to have a transcendent faith that goes beyond me and my understanding by fully trusting and believing in God.  Just when I think that I have accomplished trust and faith in knowing God's plans for me, He does this to me asking me to go deeper, higher and beyond my own borders.  God is revealing to me that there is even more that He wants to reveal to me.

This reminds me of a scripture verse that I was meditating upon this week from Jeremiah 33:3 where it says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know".  This is exactly what He is revealing to me letting me know that there are "great and unsearchable things that I do not know" that I am now on a journey to seek and find what that exactly is.  

God continues to amaze me in how He reveals Himself and speaks to me.  Pray that I will trust and allow Him to move me beyond borders that I never knew existed!  I want to experience all that He has for me not missing out on any single detail.  I don't want to be standing before Him in heaven with him revealing to me what I could have done in His name, but missed out because I had my own narrow minded goals and agenda.  What is ironic, I also had a dream this past week that I was ascending up a mountain not knowing or seeing any borders of where I was headed.  God is preparing for something that invigorates me to keep ascending.  Amen!  

Oh My Love for the Spirit of the Gingko Tree and What It Means to Me!

This week as I was walking across the campus of Eastern Mennonite University, I found a Gingko Tree leaf on my path.  Gingko Trees are not that common in the area.  They are very symbolic to me however.  At my previous home in Ottobine, I had two Gingko Trees in my yard.  One was at my back entrance door and the other was at my dining room window where I would often sit and meditate watching two squirrels eat and play while four red-headed wooded peckers would visit which was also very symbolic to me.

Gingko Trees are believed to be the oldest tree on Earth and "an example of the oldest living fossil" of a little over 200 million years originating from China.  The leaves of the Gingko tree are so distinct in that they are fan shaped.  What I love about its appearance is that the trees stand so perfectly straight with these elegant leaves that hang without imperfections.  Because of the odor of the Gingko Tree, pests are unlikely to damage the tree.  During the summer their leaves are a beautiful green and in the fall they all turn a golden yellow.  At the first hard frost all of the leaves will synchronistically fall at the same time dropping like random rain drops creating their own melody of mother natures song. 

So what is my love and significance of the Gingko Tree?  What does the Gingko Tree speak to me?  It is a tough tree known for its resiliency.  In fact, they have been known to reach over 3,500 years old.  In 1945 when the Hiroshima atom bomb was dropped, everything was destroyed except for four Gingko Trees!  Today these trees are still living and are known as "The Bearers of Hope". 

To me the Gingko tree represents the closest living tangible symbolism of God that is over 200 million years old.  It is a sacred tree to me that represents a tree of life that offers healing with its medicinal capabilities, hope because of its tough and resilient nature, spirit of humanity because of its male and female sexes, and individuality, but one of inclusiveness because of its uniqueness that we are all sharing this Earth together that are interconnected not only by our souls and Heavenly Father, but with mother nature as well.

I wonder what would happen if we all developed a spirit of the Gingko Tree?  It is a unique, inclusive species that embraces our individuality, but more importantly recognizes the spirit that is within each of us connecting us.  What would our possibilities and capabilities be expanded too?  Is this God's message from the Gingko Tree that He has placed here on Earth for us to see and hear from the Gingko Tree?  Is the Gingko Tree to be our example for all of humanity to stand together as one of healing instead of hurting, hope instead of despair, resiliency instead of destruction?

Oh how I love the spirit of the Gingko Tree and what is represents to me of my hope and love for humanity!  Amen.

(The illustration is from my journal on April 28, 2012 of the Gingko Tree that was at my Ottobine home looking out my dining room window where I meditated often.  Of how I miss that view!)







Deafening Silence & Stillness Experiencing God's Peace

I awakened today recognizing something different within myself.  Something had shifted for me that I can't put words too.  When I awoke, I was praising God unconsciously.  I can't recall or remember any dreams that I had either, but also had the sense and feeling that I was praising God all night long through my sleep.  I know how bizarre that sounds.

During my time of morning meditation and prayer, it was also different.  There was a deafening silence and stillness that I am experiencing that is new for me.  By deafening, I mean there are no chattering voices of inferior thoughts, no demanding voices of my attention or voices driving me to do more because its never enough.  Now it is one of inner calm, peace and harmony.  I wonder if this is the integration and union of the Divine that gives us peace, joy, love and hope that is on earth like it is in heaven as described in The Lord's Prayer?

Today at my church, Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren, I was the worship leader. I felt a sense of peace and at home in doing so.  My pastor, Glenn Bollinger, spoke on the passage Psalm 100:1-5.  He asked the question, "What does God want?"  From the passage, Glenn reflected that God wants us to praise and worship Him.  In doing so, He asks us to find gladness within ourselves and to worship the Lord with gladness.  Secondly, Glenn said that we must find a place for joyful songs, our songs whatever that may be or look like to worship the Lord.  Thirdly, Glenn shared that we must find a place for truth within us but also theologically.  We must recognized that we belong to the Lord and we are not our own.  Finally, Glenn said that we must find a place of thanksgiving.  He said we should worship God for who He is because God is Lord and has lavished us with His grace.  It was such a positive and inspirational message of how we should praise and worship God.  Because God is Lord of all, He is also good.  So in the midst of our trials, circumstances or pain we may forget to praise and worship God through it all.  He is good and He knows what we need when we don't.

After worship, the congregation shared in a carry-in meal followed by a congregational business meeting.  About three quarters of the way through the meeting, I felt God calling me out to the river of Beaver Creek.  I acknowledged that nudge and left the meeting.  As soon as I pulled up to the river and parked, I became emotional and started to weep, but I am not sure what I was weeping about.  I sat in the very same place where God spoke to me and directed my steps over the summer while writing in  my journal. 

As I was sitting there, a Holstein cow visited me and was very curiously watching me from a distance.  The cow must have felt comfortable though because it continued to graze, it walked out into the water and even went to a fallen down tree to scratch its back leisurely.

I just kept asking myself what is it about this place:  the river and the water where God continues to lead me too?  The emotion is deep and overwhelming that I can't even begin to describe with words.  Is it possibly humility, humbleness, gratefulness, praise, a lament, or something that God is about to reveal to me that is coming forth?  I simply do not know.  I can only trust, believe and rest in God's  care and timing to reveal this to me in His perfect timing and not mine.  I must be comfortable to sit in His mysterious ways and the ambiguity.

Maybe the lesson for the journey is for me to live with even more abandonment allowing God to fully lead and direct each step and decision.  In the meantime, He is asking me to be full of gladness, to sing Him a joyful song, let it be the truth all with thanksgiving. 

My heart fills enlarged with a radiating warmth and one of peace.  He is reminding me at the river that His living water flows in, through and out of me always that only He can give.  I am so grateful!  Praise God!    Amen!

River Reflections from God

Oh God, I have been cleaning house on this Saturday rainy morning.  As you know I have been struggling with intense emotional warfare for the past three weeks to the point of internally feeling sick and knowing that my soul is groaning for what I do not even know!  Thursday evening as I laid on my bedroom floor wailing and crying out to You wondering when You are going to move and deliver me from this anguish, I was angry at You and wondering why You haven't let me hear or know Your presence for the past three weeks in the manner that I am accustomed to experiencing You.  I wondered if You too had abandoned and rejected me!  I asked You what else do You want to take from me?  I have nothing else left to give You.  You have stripped me of everything that was important to me that I loved.  Yes You even stripped me of myself and I even gave You my heart.  It seems that I have been going through the fire for a very long season and I wonder when I will see a breakthrough to answered prayers or some movement.

Then yesterday, Friday, I was between appointments and had about 40 minutes to spare and I felt like You were calling me to the river at Port Republic.  It was not an ideal day to go to the river to reflect because it was rainy and cold, but I went anyway.  I was there for a long time and nothing came.  I thought again, another time of empty reflections, no answers or messages.  I wanted to leave because I was so cold and wasn't experiencing anything, but something was not allowing me to leave.  I stood at the edge of the river and kept looking at how the river came together and parted in three ways:  maybe representing where I have been, maybe where I am at currently and possibly where I may be going?  What was interesting where the river was flowing too, it forked going two possible ways.  However at the one fork, it was completely obstructed and blocked with tress, broken limbs and debris so the only way to get by was to take the other fork in the river which was a very narrow path.  There I believe is my answer that I am to continue on the narrow path and not keep trying to force or move to the one that has been obstructed possibly for my own protection.  I've been waiting for a long time for a door to open so that I can move into this new direction, but nothing has happened.  Am I supposed to get into the water and say "Yes" to the narrow path? 

Shortly before I was getting ready to leave a hawk flew over me that kept circling above me.  I followed it and it eventually ended up in a wooded area where I could hear the hawk calling out.  I think God was using the hawk to call me out into the water and to say "Yes" to His calling upon my life and to stop resisting or wanting things my way.  It reminded me that I need to stay focused on the vision that God has placed on my heart for a ministry and not be distracted by the impermanent things of this world.

Where I was standing, there were empty freshwater shells everywhere revealing to me that everything dead within me has been purified by emptying my soul of past hurts and sin that will allow me to walk out into the water into a new spiritual realm.  This will allow me to do God's work effortlessly.

Right before I left, I looked up across the river and saw a crane standing beside the water that I had not seen previously.  It was like it mystically appeared.  The crane was also a message from God revealing to me that there is FREEDOM getting into the water and this is where I can find hope, peace and healing.  God reveals that to us in Matthew 6:10 in the Lord's Prayer where it says, "your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  This is what God wants to give all of us....FREEDOM in Him and only Him! 

Will you get in the water with me?  Now I want to go back to the river and canoe down the narrow path and see what else God may reveal to me.  I also want to honor God by going down the river letting Him know that I am saying "Yes" to this next narrow path where He is leading me into another spiritual realm living out this calling that He has placed upon my heart.

I am wondering if you will do this with me????  Any takers????  The more the merrier...I would love to be surrounded by fellow believers and supporters on this new river journey where God is taking me. 

Praying Mantis, New Flight, New Heights!

For the past couple of weeks, I have been seeking and praying to hear from God.  Since the sell of my home and move, God went silent on me which I was not expecting.  When God was having me surrender all, He revealed to me that it was necessary for the next door to open for this vision that he placed on my heart.  Silence was the last thing that I was expecting from Him. 

In the meantime, I have continued to meditate, pray, walk, run, and reflect on what all of this means.  I must admit, it has created an unsettled feeling within me wondering why now the silence.  I have even stopped dreaming during this period which has never happened to me in the past 4 years that I have been journaling. 

My time of prayer and meditation has definitely been different during this season and time.  I have experienced God and the Holy Spirit in a new way. Instead of me hearing from Him, I am feeling and having a body felt sense experience with Him which has been amazing.  On the morning of September 17th as I was meditating, my heart was beating strongly against my chest cavity wall as I was breathing in deeply.  My heart felt so warm, so secure and like God was actually holding and protecting it.  It was such a surreal feeling that I did not want to get up from my meditation posture.  I actually became emotional because it was such a sacred and sensual feeling.  It definitely was a divine, intimate exchange where I experienced God so close.  I have also noticed God at the center of all of my relationships and interactions with others where I will begin to tremble internally knowing that God is present in the moment. 

There is a part of me though that is wondering.  I am wondering why God has went silent and is being present in a body felt sense way with me.  I definitely appreciate the intimate encounters with God, but there is a part of me that is wanting to hear answered prayers and revelations from God.  What possibly could He be doing during this time within me? 

God has also revealed His presence to me in other ways as well.  I am seeing and receiving messages from Him through nature and synchronistic events that are happening around me giving me affirmations of His presence.  Within the past week, I have randomly found five bird feathers on my path in various places.  As I have held, breathed and meditated with the feathers, God revealed that this is a message of taking me to a higher realm of the unknown and that I am continuing on the right path. 

During this time period, I have also had four different praying mantis encounters.  One morning one was clinging to the front of my door.  Another morning I awakened to one on my bedroom window and last evening on my break from class, I walked outside and there it was on the sidewalk.  I thought this is definitely a symbolic message that I need to pay attention too.  I searched on the internet and discovered that mantis is a Greek word that means prophet.  So I drew the praying mantis in my journal and meditated with it to see what the prophet may reveal to me.  And then, I heard from God!  The silence was broken and this is what He revealed to me.

Beautiful One,
I am calling you out into heights of the unknown.  You continue to cling to what you know, what you want and what you desire.  Do you not trust Me?  Release all of your fears, doubts and questions to Me and Let Go!  I need all of the obstacles removed and decluttered so that I can move you into the next realm of possibilities.  I have sent random bird feathers along your path to give you affirmations that you are on the right path.  I want to open you up beyond boundaries you never thought possible.  I sent the praying mantis so that it could be praying for you helping to intercede for you against the spiritual warfare you are experiencing.  Beautiful One, the feathers and praying mantis are reminders that I am with you reminding you of your purpose and meaning for My kingdom.  Feathers are light, free from burdens and obstacles where they can help you to take flight to heights beyond your comprehension.  The feather is your direct access to the next door that you must walk through.  Beautiful One, I am taking you on an honoring flight where there is much energy and a new awakening taking place.  Use the feather as your guide to carry you to the great unknown realms knowing that there are prayer "mantis" warriors and angels surrounding you and interceding for you. 

Continue to pray allowing the mantis and feathers to be your guide.  You are headed to a new realm!

Give a Voice to Share In Your Suffering With Others

 

Friday morning, August 24th, I awoke to the sound of God's gentle, steady rain shower.  It was a glorious sound and one I am so thankful for.  To me it symbolized God's holy, living water that was falling down upon us that nourishes our souls and fills us up with what we don't even know what we need yet.  As I laid there, I prayed to receive His holy, living water right where I was at with what ever that may be and what ever may come.  God uses all of the things around us:  He uses all of our past, our relationships, and even our sins to move us and get us to where He intended us to be so that He can unfold and reveal our full potential that He impregnated within us before we were even conceived.  God has given each of us a divine purpose that He wants us to seek out like a scavenger hunt drawing us in closer and nearer to Him so that through the mystery of His grace that is beyond our comprehension, He can strengthen our dependence, our love, our neediness and desperation for Him and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He has promised us in Jeremiah 29:11, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

As we receive His holy, living water nourishing us, may we release and surrender ourselves and all that we think we are and need to be to His loving hands so that He can mold us and refine us into His image.  Each heartbreak, hurt, loss, betrayal, and abuse has meaning and purpose that is strengthening our inner core, stretching our faith, creating a well of deep compassion for others and giving us a hope that we should only hope in God because in this fallen world others are going to fail us.  As I experience and see these failures in my own life, but also others, it saddens me.  I look at individuals and society with such deep compassion that they don't realize their need for our Savior, Jesus Christ. They may run from Him, deny Him, resist Him, rebel against Him, curse Him or even try to fit Him in when it is convenient to their schedule.  I was one of them when I was lost wondering in my selfish ambitions and desires.  Since I have experienced that feeling of being empty and lost, it saddens me to see but also to feel their brokenness of those that are walking around alive, but spiritually poor and dead.  As God says in Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  He would rather you be cold and not have experienced Him than to be lukewarm for Him.

My spirit and heart has a deep sense of feeling and knowing others spirit.  It is sometimes overwhelming to carry and hold.  I know how my heart aches for others, and I wonder how much greater God's heart must break for what He is feeling and experiencing from His children.  Oh how He must grieve and mourn on our behalf.

So we should count all of our trials, experiences, hurts and pain a joy and seek to know and get closer to the One who has loved us from the beginning.  He has been with us all the days our lives and He wants us to experience and know His unfailing love!  He has something amazing planned for each of us if we will allow Him to show us how to surrender our plans and desires.  If we allow Him to use our pain and circumstances by making ourselves vulnerable and a vessel to share what Jesus Christ has done in our life, we give it a voice so that others can realize that they are not alone in their suffering. It is at this place that it creates a space for them to be healed, transformed and saved as a result of our transparency in sharing our narrative.  If we chose to have no voice, it is all for nothing!  There is a reason, purpose and meaning for everything in our lives.  Give it a VOICE and choose to make a difference in someone else's life.  Your voice will help to heal others, but is also moves and heals you too.  You will be blessed because God uses all things for the greater good for those that love Him. 

Trust and believe in Him to show you how.  I personally found freedom and a release from the strongholds of the past.  If you have something that you would like to share and release by putting a voice to it, I would be honored to hold your story.  You can send me a private email. 

This is a TEST!

As I was getting ready this morning for an early appointment, I remembered that the outlet in my bathroom tripped yesterday and I could not get it to reset.  My home was built in the 70's,  so at that time GFI outlets were not required by the local building code.  At some point, a GFI breaker was installed at the main panel.  I was familiar with these type of outlets because building code now requires all bedrooms to be on these type of breakers.  Typically when they trip as a result of an overload or getting too hot, all you need to do is go to the main panel and reset the outlet by hitting the test button and flipping the breaker back to the "on" position.  That did not work for me yesterday as I tried several times and out of frustration I gave up.

Well you know women need their hairdryers, curling irons and flat irons when getting ready.  We typically have a set routine of how we get ready and yes we need the big mirror and our accessories working properly beside the mirror. 

So one more time, I tracked downstairs to the main panel.  I pushed the test button, I flipped the switch back and forth a couple of times, but it would not stay in the "on" position.  I again began to get frustrated so this time I held the test button down really hard for a few seconds and then flipped the switch to the "on" position.  Guess what?  It worked!  I did it!  I was so proud of myself but more importantly relieved that it was now working.  Then I heard..."This is a test!"  I wondered if I really just heard something or not and again I heard..."This is a test!"  A test?  A test for what?

As I pondered what I just heard, I was elated because I finally heard from God after Him being silent for over three weeks.  The silence has been deafening and I would confess that the silence has been almost worse than the process of surrendering my home, my possessions and relationships.  I thought, "This is a test?"  What does that mean?

As you know, God has given me a vision that He is unfolding where He gave me specific instructions to:
1.  Get out of the boat.  You can't hold onto the past and walk into the new that I have for you.
2.  Put systems and order into place.
3.  Sell your home and possessions for the next door to open.

I have done all of these things and I was expecting the next doors to fling open once I closed on my house.  It has not worked that way though.  God went silent.  As I have been sitting in this silence, He has revealed to me that He is working in the background even though I can't see or understand what He is doing.

So as I contemplated the message He gave to me this morning, "This is a test!", I realized that He is testing my faith and trust in Him.  Even though I have been praying faithfully for answered prayers, and the answer has consistently been not yet, do I really trust God's reasons beyond my comprehension?  Do I trust that God has a better plan than my own preconceived plans and desires?  I don't understand why I have endured so much heartache, pain and loss, but God is testing me to see if I will continue to "pray through and praise through" (Batterson, Mark) my unanswered prayers, the silence and the waiting?

This is the TEST!  Can I continue to pray and praise God during the hardest circumstances I may be faced with?  It is this unceasing prayer and praise where "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus"  (Philippians 4:7).

So during this test, I am continuing to pray and praise God by reading aloud through the Psalms. They are giving me a peace.  The lesson that I am learning is that maybe my unanswered prayers or the not yet answered prayers is like Laura Story's song where she suggests it may be "blessings in disguise".  Or maybe it is a better answered prayer that God wants to impart on me instead of me settling for less.  Nevertheless, James 1:2-4 says to, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I encourage you to pray through and praise God through the test.  Once God reveals His answers to me, I will definitely share with you what my prayer has been and what God delivered to me.

Praise Him through the Test!

Lady in Waiting: How Long God?

After hearing so clearly from God for the past few months, I am now at a place of complete silence.  As you recall, I was led to sell my home in which God revealed to me was necessary in order for the next door to open.  Now that I have closed on my home, God has become silent and I am wondering what has changed, where is God, and why hasn't that next door opened yet?  I wonder why God wants me to be at a place where I am often made to feel inferior, it creates emotional duress on me and raises a lot of painful memories for me? 

I wonder if there is a lesson or something that God is trying to refine within me during this time of silence and waiting.  I continue to be still and present with God in prayer and meditation, but I must admit that it is disappointing and my patience is wearing thin. 

Tuesday evening I visited the Rockingham County Fair to watch some of Kendall's friends, who I also call my kids, to show their market lambs.  Once I left there, I went to Michaels to pick up a reproduction of a portrait that I bought probably over 8 years ago at the San Diego Museum of Art by William Bouguereau who was a French painter.  This portrait that I bought was titled "The Young Shepherdess."  It is a portrait of a young lady standing in a barren desert field watching over sheep.  She is looking over her shoulder with curiosity and wonderment.

At the time, I did not now know why the portrait profoundly spoke to me.  Now as I reflect on it this young lady was seeking something more.  However, the young lady did not know what she was seeking and fell into the temptation of seeking worldly, flesh desires such as ambition, success, career, material and physical fulfillment.  That young lady was me!

Little did I know that those worldly things would make it appear that I had it all together on the outside, but ultimately I would be left feeling empty, unfulfilled, alone, rejected and abandoned on the inside.  What I didn't know was that deeper, longing that I was so desiring was a deeper more intimate relationship with God.  Oh, if I only would have known that it was only God that could fill my longing that I could have avoided a lot of heartache and pain. Yes, that young lady was me!  I was standing in a barren desert just like the portrait, vulnerable with no shoes on. 

Now when I look at the portrait that I finally had framed at this divine time, I still see me, but in a new way.  I have found God and I am experiencing Him in amazing and supernatural ways that I never thought possible.  For some reason though, God has gone silent and I am not hearing or experiencing Him like I usually do.  So now I see this young lady (me) "waiting"; waiting to hear from God what my next steps are and to open doors for me.

What is it in the silence and waiting that God is revealing to me?  I then recalled that Jesus too had to wait upon God in the wilderness, the garden and the tomb.  In all of these instances of waiting, God revealed the fruit of waiting.  One of my most favorite books, "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd, she says that waiting is both passive and passionate.  She found that this Latin root, pati, means to endure.  She described this as a time of "descending into self, into God and into the deeper labyrinths of prayer."  It also means facing "the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, as well as the places one lives falsely."  Basically it entails looking at the painful truths of who we really are and allowing God to mold us into who He intended us to be before we strayed off the narrow path.  This takes much courage and often times a great deal of pain in doing so.

On my own personal journey and inner work, God has revealed these painful truths in me.  He first had to shatter my world and my way of being by recklessly abandoning myself.  This process took a lot of bold courage to go through this process.  Once I began the process, it took a diligent effort to continue to press inward and forward of what God was stripping me of and revealing to me.  This process has increased my faith in knowing that God is working all things for the greater good even though I can't see or comprehend His ways.  In Hebrews 11:1 it says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  It is at this place where our faith in all circumstance regardless if our prayers are answered or not, He gives us a peace and contentment that guards our mind, body, soul and spirit that keeps us close to Him which God so desires from us.

So during this waiting period, God has revealed to me that He is refining qualities within me of:

• recklessly abandoning myself of what I used to know and be
• giving me bold courage to do each absurd thing that He puts before me without me questioning and doubting it
• diligence and steadfastness to stay on the path where He is directing me
• increased faith and hope for the things that I can't see, but knowing that He will provide just rewards and blessings
• contentment and peace knowing that everything has a purpose and to sit where God has me
• PATIENCE!

Yes, lastly patience.  This must be what God is refining and working in me.  My patience is wearing thin.  What is so important about patience?  If I know the vision that God has placed on my heart, why must I wait?  Why can't I go ahead and unfold the next steps?  I believe I just answered my own question or God has convicted and revealed to me that it is not my vision, not my plan, nor is it for my glory to do this in my own strength.  WHOA!  So yeah, I need to work on my patience and wait for God.  What He has revealed to me is that when I go before Him and His plan, I am basically saying that I don't need God and that I don't trust or believe in His way or plans.

Brad Kuster, pastor of The Place from Kentucky said, "there is a voice of truth raising up crying in the wilderness (or my case the desert) to make crooked paths straight.  He said we should say Yes to this time of waiting to make our paths straight.  He shared that the Hebrew meaning of the word wait is Kava which means to wait with hope and expectancy.  So as God is refining me to be more patient, I wait with hope and expectancy as He puts things into His order and His timing for His glory and not mine.  Brady Kuster also shared that "there is power and perseverance to those who wait."  During this waiting period there are lessons to be learned.

• Perseverance - Isaiah 40:31 says, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  We will not fade or waver in God's will or plan for our lives no matter what circumstances we are faced with.
• Total dependency on God - God must be our first love in every aspect and detail of our lives.  We must recognize our weaknesses and neediness for Him in all areas of our life.
• See the vision and circle it in prayer - Just as Jericho circled the city wall seven times, we must also circle our prayers, dreams and visions with praise as if it had already happened and been answered because what God places on our hearts, He keeps His promises.  Mark Batterson says, "don't just pray through it, but praise through it."  Too often we don't see results or get the answered prayers in our timing and we give up too soon before the miracle happens or is answered.  We settle for less in our flesh desires for instant gratification.

God wants to work in our lives in a mighty way revealing to us His glory, so don't give up!  Continue to trust and believe and say Yes to each and everything that God puts before you.  But we must wait for His instruction before doing so.  He even gives us supporting scripture urging us to wait in Psalm 25:5 Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long; Psalm 130:6 I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning; Hosea 12:6 But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always; Habakkuk 2:3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay; Romans 8:25  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

So therefore, I am saying Yes!  Yes I am a lady in waiting upon God realizing that there are no short cuts for answered prayers during this process.  God is in control and He is orchestrating order in His eternal time to birth and unfold His plans accordingly.

I am, A Lady in Waiting!  How about you?  Can you relate to the silence and waiting?  I would love to hear your story. 

Release of Love Unfeigned

After church today I had about 40 minutes before I had to pick up Kendall to take her to her travel softball practice.  So you guessed it, I left Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren and decided to go to Beaver Creek to meditate in the water.  Since moving to Harrisonburg, I had not been to the river.  So I pulled off along side of the road and parked.  I was in a sundress and sandals but luckily I had my golf shoes in my car.  Yes, I decided to use my golf shoes to walk through the river.

As I was approaching the water, I was wondering if I would encounter my visiting fish or what supernatural sightings would God reveal to me.  As I was walking down the middle of the river, I noticed a lot of "stuff" stirring up in the water that was breaking lose and coming to the surface slowly floating on down the river washing away.

I know my spiritual journey is a process and a continual renewal and refining process of acknowledging and releasing the "stuff" in my life seen and unseen that is an obstacle preventing me from experiencing the fullness of the Holy Spirit.  As I wondered about my "stuff" that is being loosened and released floating down the river, I found a perfect rock that was footstool height to sit on.  I let the water run over my legs and it was so refreshing.  I never saw anything mystical but as I was sitting on the rock I noticed two butterflies that were playing in the grassy field beside the water.  I started to hear "Our Father, Our Father, Our Father".  I then began to recite The Lord's Prayer.  I just kept repeating it out load and tears streamed down my face.

At the time I was uncertain what the tears meant.  Now as I am writing this, it was my prayer, my intimate time with God, my known weaknesses, my desperation for Him and my neediness for God.  I realized that each and every day I need His grace, mercy and love to cover me. 

Reciting The Lord's Prayer and the shedding of my tears was a release of love unfeigned.  It is this type of sincere and genuine love that has created a perfect bond and connection to my Heavenly Father.  Colossians 3:14 states that it is love that binds us all together in perfect unity.  It doesn't say that everything is going to be perfect.  In fact Mother Teresa says "true love is love that causes pain, that hurts and yet brings joy.  That is why we must pray to God and ask Him to give us the courage to love."  It takes courage to look at all of our inequities and shortcomings, but even more courage to love ourselves knowing that we are not perfect but a work in progress to become Christ like.

As I was there in silence contemplating my life of what God has given me, my soul just wept with gratitude for the fullness of how I have experienced God's love, gentleness, compassion and grace.  I was basically speechless but my body was releasing humbled emotions that I could not put into words.  Then I remember that Jesus taught His disciples The Lord's Prayer when He would no longer be with them to give them strength, peace and comfort. 

This is exactly what my visit to the river gave me today.  God revealed to me that in all of my circumstances that I can recite The Lord's Prayer when I am overcome with emotion and know not what to pray for.  Just as He gave his disciples strength, peace and comfort, I too experienced that today and was overjoyed and humbled in how He revealed that to me. 

By the way, I did not see my fish...I guess it moved on just as I have done in this next phase of my life.  It is reassuring to know though that no matter where you are at, what you are facing, how you are feeling, The Lord's Prayer is appropriate and honors our Holy, Heavenly Father!   

God's Story of Selling My Home

This journey of selling my home began back in October of 2012 when God asked me to put my home on the market.  I did it but not with a complete willing heart.  It was on the market for two months and I had several showings, but no offers.  Around Christmas time I decided to take it off the market because of the season knowing that it would not get much activity.  I was also wondering if God was just testing me to see if I would be obedient and do what He asked of me.  To tell you the truth, I was relieved that I was sensing that it was only a test and I could stay at my home. 

Over Christmas break from Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) where I was finishing up my Master of Arts in Counseling degree, I took the entire three weeks off to meditate, pray and rest in God’s presence.  I was really looking forward to this time.  Little did I know that he would take me to my inner depths that I did not even know existed?  I call it dark night of the soul.  Not just one time, but two times.  He was pointing out some realizations about me that I needed to work on as well as bringing to consciousness things from my past that I had repressed with no recollection of them.  I also had unresolved pain and hurt of dealing with a divorce, finding out my daughter was born with congenital heart defect that caused her chronic illness and my own personal stuff that I was carrying.   I felt like I was all by myself.  It was at this place though over Christmas where I heard God speak to me and place on my heart a vision of what he was orchestrating for me.  God told me that everything that I have done up to this point that he is going to use.  It is not your typical ministry and one that I could not even orchestrate.  I am in awe of what God is unfolding.  None of this was in my plans.

After graduating from EMU, I went to Israel/Palestine for a month with Seminary at EMU and God was really speaking into me there and affirming that it was time for me to get out of the boat by beginning to put systems and order into place for this vision.  So when I returned, I began to work more on the next steps for the vision, but I was getting some roadblocks and in fact I am still waiting on one major one to open up in which God revealed to me that I needed to sell my house before that door could open up.  There was also this urgency for me to put my house on the market and I really didn't understand why.  I was working tirelessly for an entire week to get the house ready.  I had two agents from my office that wanted to show the house before it went onto the market.  This time, my heart was right and I had a peace about it because I knew that this was the next step in order for God to open the next door to where I am supposed to go.  It was not easy, but I knew it is what I had to do.  I didn’t want to miss God’s blessing for me or others that I will be serving.  I had a knowing that this was the time so I asked my next door neighbor to come over and anoint my house with me and to pray for the perfect people that would love my home as much as I have and would be the perfect neighbors for the people that I love so much.  When I met the family that previewed my home, I just had a peace and knowing that they were the ones that God had sent to live in my home.   I was so thankful that they loved my home enough to make an offer, but it was a low offer and one that I knew I did not have the resources to be able to accept.  I prayed to God fervently asking Him to stir their hearts and rekindle their interest in my home with another offer.  I was so restless that entire time waiting on God, wondering, doubting and questioning what He was doing.  God was getting me up at 2, 3 and 4 am in the mornings demanding time to meditate with Him.  I spent a lot of personal time with Him multiple times throughout the day.   During this entire time He continued to tell me to trust and believe and have faith that all of this is being worked out in his divine time. 

Then, the revised offer came on the morning of July 4^th.  I could not believe it.  I was happy that their hearts were stirred & rekindled just as I had prayed, but I wondered how I could accept this offer and accomplish what I needed to do to take care of me moving.  I knew I wanted to spend the day with God in meditation and prayer, but I already had a committment that day to go with a friend to visit someone in a nursing home that had a serious open stomach wound to visit, pray and anoint her.

Once I left from that visit, I was driving around looking for the perfect place to meditate and be with God.  I wanted to be somewhere close to water but everywhere I went, it was crowded because of the holiday.  Then as I was giving up and heading home, I came upon Mill Creek Church of the Brethren on Port Republic Road.  I was being led to pull into the parking lot.  As I sat in the parking lot, I noticed a gazebo under some shade trees and knew that was where I was supposed to be.  I grabbed my blanket, journal and Bible and sat on the floor of the gazebo reading scriptures that my prayer partner had texted me that she sensed God gave her for me as I was praying about this.  Those scriptures were Proverbs 16:1; 3:2,7,8,9,11,16; 15:17; 23:6; 14:6 & 10:2.  They were perfect so I sat and meditated to see if I heard anything.  Nothing came.  I was sort of sensing that I was supposed to sell, but I had not received anything affirming from God that assured me that was what I supposed to do.  Another reason I was sensing that this was right is because the previous week I had received a letter from one of my past retired Bridgewater College professors that used to teach Old and New Testament.  I reconnected with him in the past couple of years and we have stayed in touch.  However, he did not realize that I had been out of the country and he had been trying to get in touch with me by calling me and even stopping at my work place.  So he decided to write me a letter.  I was delighted to get his letter of his updates and he was asking about Kendall and I.  He then shared with me that his partner was selling her townhome which is near EMU.  I thought hmmmm, how did I miss that in MLS and not see it.  So I looked it up, but then discounted it because I did not want to buy, but rent so that I could be completely free from maintenance and not be tied down.  So I went to look at an apartment for rent and did not get a good energy feeling about it.  As I was leaving I thought about the townhome again and called for a showing.  Amazingly on such short notice it worked out.  I went and instantly felt at peace when I walked in.  It is completely 1970’s and outdated, but none of that mattered to me.  I felt a peace.  The same peace when I walked into my current home when I bought it.  I stayed for a long time.  Ironically, in June of 2012, I dreamed that I bought a townhouse almost exact list price as this townhome and it was on the golf course instead of on EMU campus.  However, I love EMU campus and have a peace there just as I do for the golf course.  God gives me prophetic dreams often.  I believe it is his way of preparing me for a change in order to get my heart ready and prepared for the next thing. 

As I gathered up my belongings to leave the gazebo at Mill Creek Church of the Brethren, I put them into my car and felt a tug to walk through the graveyard.  So I did and as I opened the gate and walked through, I felt a presence with me and got goose bumps  from my head all the way down my entire body and I began to weep.  I wondered what was happening to me?  In which I knew – God showed up!  But more importantly what was He going to say to me?  As I look up at a gravestone that caught my attention, it had a solar light butterfly on the top of it that instantly spoke to me of reassurance as God has done before in the past to know that I can trust him.  As I kept walking, two angels side by side were on top of two gravestones which affirmed that I am being led and not alone in this.  As I walked to the back part of the graveyard and turned around, the gravestones dominated my view with the majestic back drop of Mill Creek Church of the Brethren.  I now knew why God led me here and He spoke to me and said, "it is here in June 2012 where you received the Pastor’s for Peace Living Peace Award."  My heart melted and I began to sob as I heard God say that he brought me here to give me peace about accepting this offer .  I felt it and knew that was God’s answer but there was still my human doubt questioning that I would not have enough money to make the move.  I thought maybe I should counter, maybe I should ask to meet them half way, maybe this, maybe that…my thoughts were racing as I was heading back to my car.  As I got to the gate, I looked over to the far right edge of the graveyard and saw another angel that pulled me to the gravestone.  As soon as I stepped in front of it, under the angel it said, “Darling, Jesus is With You.”  I knew that all of these affirmations were no coincidence and that these were messages from God.  This was my answer to accept this price.  I was to trust and believe that God already had it all worked out.  That is when I asked to have the offer in writing and that I wanted another day to pray and do an absolute fast.  I just knew though that was the right answer and I wrote in my journal, God, whatever your will, whatever your will.  I give my all to you.  I want to know more of you so whatever your will.

That day I also I had two devotionals that spoke to me in affirming ways.  The first one was by

Joan Borysenko that said “The Godseed within is coming to flower in the radiant light of summer.
Listening to the voice of intuition we realize our life’s purpose, using our gifts with joy in the service of all beings.”

This is what God is calling me to do and be.  “To be a servant building a community of love.”  This is the mission statement that he gave me over Christmas break for the vision.  I am going to be serving, loving, healing and saving souls.

The second devotional was supported by scripture in Exodus 33:14 that said, “The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you and I will give you rest – everything will be fine for you.” 

 So how do I argue or doubt with all of that????

I signed the contract with some minor changes so the purchasers only needed to initial those changes if they were acceptable to them.  I was notified that they wanted to meet with me before initialing the contract.  I was excited but also nervous to meet with them.  They ended up spending about three hours with me.  It was very emotional sharing my testimony and my love for my home that God was asking me to surrender to Him for this next door to open up.  I was in awe of their testimony of how God was working in their life to get them to this place at this exact moment.  They are an amazing family and are moving here to start a ministry as well.  As I had been praying about their offer, they too had been praying asking God for His guidance and wisdom in what to do.  The morning of July 4th at 2 am, the wife was awakened by God and He audibly told her what to offer me for the house and told her that I would accept it.  So that is what prompted them to make another offer on my home.  Of course, you know that I accepted it and yes the purchaser's accepted the minor changes as well. 

That evening I took a walk to the river.  As I was walking there, I was wondering if a snake skin that I had seen was still laying on a rock near where I sit.  As soon as I got to the river, that is the first thing that I looked for and it was gone.  I heard "it is done"!  This phase of my life is done.  I don't know entirely what that means, but I am hoping that years of pain and suffering may be finally healing  and over with.  The shedding of a snake skin symbolizes transformation and a new phase in life.  Now that my house was under contract, maybe this is the end of a phase and the beginning of a new one. 

I decided to take my shoes off to allow the water to flow over my legs and feet.  While sitting there, a bunch of fish began to jump out of the river like I have never seen before in all the times that I have been at this place.  Once I got back home, I did some research to find the symbolism of what I just experienced.  C.G. Jung said fish symbolized the self or the inner Christ.  I also found an interpretation meaning "one is leaving their abode/habitat to enter into the next phase".  As I was watching the fish, it was almost like a celebration or dance was happening.  Fish also represent change and transformation.  In Christianity, fish represent faith and abundance as observed in the Biblical story of fishes and loaves.  Biblical reference can also be found about Christ and His disciples being "fishers of men."  Man represents the transformational fish - maybe that is what the celebrating and jumping fish were expressing to me.  They were celebrating this new phase of my life.

So on July 6th, I had a fully ratified contract on my personal home.  Three days later I made an offer on the townhome where I feel God led me.  I find out from the listing agent that the seller has a similar story to mine so she and I have a heart connection and we have not even met at this point.  Later that evening I had a ratified contract on the townhome that I am purchasing.   Again, I go to the river to meditate to see what God will reveal to me.  As I am sitting at the river with my shoes submersed in the water that is overflowing my legs, some neighbors come with their dogs so I decide to get up and walk down the middle of the river to the side that I call the peaceful side.  As I am standing at a certain waterhole spot where I often stand, I am greeted regularly by the same fish each time.  It is just one and it is always the same one.  This time it swam closer to me than it has in the past.  The all of a sudden there were bursts of rainbow colors that was surfacing to the top of the water.  This has never occurred to me before.  The only way I could describe it in my journal was that it was like random colors of fireworks or kaleidascop patterns coming to the top of the water.  I saw nothing under the water that would contribute to this and I even tried to take photos of what I was seeing and experiencing.  It was amazing and nothing like I had ever seen before.  I was so joyful at the mysticism that I was experiencing from God.  I knew that this was all of God and He was letting me know how joyful He was that I was following His leading. 

That evening I wrote in my journal that I could not wait for God to reveal the bigger picture and His glory to me of what He is unfolding for myself, but also for all of those that are questioning me, doubting me, calling me crazy and even irrational.  I knew from these few days of how I was experiencing God's mystery and affirmations that there is more and I can't wait to experience it.  I prayed and spoke to God that I just knew He was going to show me His amazing works just as He says and promises in Isaiah 40:5, "And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and mankind together will see it.  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."  Yes, God has spoken to me in profound ways!  I have heard, seen, felt, experienced and know that He is working all things for the greater good and His glory will be revealed.  He tells us in Psalm 37:4 to delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As I have witnessed God's supernatural beauty and works, He has captured my heart.  I am mesmerized by what He has already done in my life so I continue to try to deny myself even more and surrender more of my self to Him and His ways.  I want to experience more of His supernatural abilities and gifts in my life.  This entire transaction has been the most effortless one I have ever had in my 17 years of real estate.  I am already moved into my new home and the purchaser's of my home have already moved in as well.  We close on August 5th.  I am excited and expectant to see what doors open once I close.  I will keep you posted on the progression as it unfolds.