Deafening Silence & Stillness Experiencing God's Peace

I awakened today recognizing something different within myself.  Something had shifted for me that I can't put words too.  When I awoke, I was praising God unconsciously.  I can't recall or remember any dreams that I had either, but also had the sense and feeling that I was praising God all night long through my sleep.  I know how bizarre that sounds.

During my time of morning meditation and prayer, it was also different.  There was a deafening silence and stillness that I am experiencing that is new for me.  By deafening, I mean there are no chattering voices of inferior thoughts, no demanding voices of my attention or voices driving me to do more because its never enough.  Now it is one of inner calm, peace and harmony.  I wonder if this is the integration and union of the Divine that gives us peace, joy, love and hope that is on earth like it is in heaven as described in The Lord's Prayer?

Today at my church, Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren, I was the worship leader. I felt a sense of peace and at home in doing so.  My pastor, Glenn Bollinger, spoke on the passage Psalm 100:1-5.  He asked the question, "What does God want?"  From the passage, Glenn reflected that God wants us to praise and worship Him.  In doing so, He asks us to find gladness within ourselves and to worship the Lord with gladness.  Secondly, Glenn said that we must find a place for joyful songs, our songs whatever that may be or look like to worship the Lord.  Thirdly, Glenn shared that we must find a place for truth within us but also theologically.  We must recognized that we belong to the Lord and we are not our own.  Finally, Glenn said that we must find a place of thanksgiving.  He said we should worship God for who He is because God is Lord and has lavished us with His grace.  It was such a positive and inspirational message of how we should praise and worship God.  Because God is Lord of all, He is also good.  So in the midst of our trials, circumstances or pain we may forget to praise and worship God through it all.  He is good and He knows what we need when we don't.

After worship, the congregation shared in a carry-in meal followed by a congregational business meeting.  About three quarters of the way through the meeting, I felt God calling me out to the river of Beaver Creek.  I acknowledged that nudge and left the meeting.  As soon as I pulled up to the river and parked, I became emotional and started to weep, but I am not sure what I was weeping about.  I sat in the very same place where God spoke to me and directed my steps over the summer while writing in  my journal. 

As I was sitting there, a Holstein cow visited me and was very curiously watching me from a distance.  The cow must have felt comfortable though because it continued to graze, it walked out into the water and even went to a fallen down tree to scratch its back leisurely.

I just kept asking myself what is it about this place:  the river and the water where God continues to lead me too?  The emotion is deep and overwhelming that I can't even begin to describe with words.  Is it possibly humility, humbleness, gratefulness, praise, a lament, or something that God is about to reveal to me that is coming forth?  I simply do not know.  I can only trust, believe and rest in God's  care and timing to reveal this to me in His perfect timing and not mine.  I must be comfortable to sit in His mysterious ways and the ambiguity.

Maybe the lesson for the journey is for me to live with even more abandonment allowing God to fully lead and direct each step and decision.  In the meantime, He is asking me to be full of gladness, to sing Him a joyful song, let it be the truth all with thanksgiving. 

My heart fills enlarged with a radiating warmth and one of peace.  He is reminding me at the river that His living water flows in, through and out of me always that only He can give.  I am so grateful!  Praise God!    Amen!