Released My Lemons

For the past couple of days I have been diligently de-cluttering and cleaning my home because God has revealed to me again that I should sell it.  This afternoon I was cleaning my windows but had a spirit of agitation, anger, frustration, restlessness and anxiousness as I was doing it.  I was really sad and would cry off and on.  My heart was even hurting feeling like someone was squeezing and stretching it all at the same time.  I know there was a part of me that was grieving and mourning more of what God wanted me to surrender. 

Tuesday evening I was invited to Faith Outreach Ministries in Pleasant Valley where they host a women's group each month called, Inspiring Women of Virtue.  They had a guest speaker, Gail Little, from Danville, West Virginia.  Her message was "When Life Gives You Lemons."  Gail compared our life to Nehemiah whose spirit was broken and overwhelmed because of the destruction of the City Walls in Jerusalem.  She said Nehemiah did not just sit there though. She said he kept moving and he helped to rebuild and reestablish the City Walls.  That is exactly what we must do.  She said, "The Lord will make a way for us no matter what we are going through, but we have to take steps and put legs on our prayers." 

The lemons that the enemy is throwing at us she encouraged us to dodge them and in order to dodge them we have to keep moving making it difficult for the enemy to hit our moving target.  Gail said, "God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power and we are spiritual giants."  We must put our faith and works together because God wants us to step out and do what he has placed on our heart. 

Gail closed with a powerful statement and said that "we need to get a vision of VICTORY.  Whatever you have been praying for, close your eyes and see it there." 

Driving home from this event, I reflected and felt that God used Gail to speak to me giving me further affirmation that it is time for me to move.  This move is a bold and courageous one in many aspects and levels, not just my home.  It is time for me to get out of the boat and stop trying to hold on to all of the things that I have not wanted to let go of.  If I can't let go of what God is asking me to surrender, I can't walk through the door for the new opportunity and vision that God has placed upon my heart.  I have been standing in the middle of the boat with one hand holding on to the past of what I know that is secure and comfortable not wanting to get out of my comfort zone.  My other hand was reaching forward to the new opportunity of what God wants to give me.  God has been patient, kind and full of grace with me and assured me that there is no negotiating with Him of me having both.

In fact, once I got home, I felt the need to run.  It is a time of meditation for me and I instantly heard God say, "surrender all and sell everything."  I thought, oh my gosh, everything?  I don't know if I can do that.  Most items in my house I can, but there are a few family antiques that I am not ready to surrender  yet.  God revealed to me that in order for me to move into the next thing that he has prepared for me that I need to let go of the impermanent things that are holding me back.

So yes, as I was washing my windows this afternoon, I was experiencing conflicting feelings and emotions of why it had to be this way which was stirring me up in a negative way inside.  Then I heard God tell me to go to the river and release your lemons.  I was thinking that I am in the middle of cleaning my windows and I don't have the house anywhere ready for a Saturday showing.  He was persistent though.  So I grabbed two lemons, my camera, phone and off I went to the river again. 

About half way there on the dirt road, I encountered a calf that was laying in tall weeds at the edge of the road and it actually scared me. He looked sick and was really young.  He was weak and I don't know how long he had been away from his momma cow.  I knew I had to help get the calf back into the field and get it with its momma cow, but this was getting in the way of me going to the river to release my lemons.  So I got the calf up and tried...that is tried to lead it.  So then I got behind it to try to push it and then all of a sudden its hind leg did a cow kick and hit me in my shin.  I had tears in my eyes and was thinking, I am only trying to help you out.  Once I got him in the field.  I continued on my walk to the river, but an awareness came to me on my way there.  I was being obedient by following through with what God wanted me to do by releasing my lemons, but I came upon an obstacle and distraction.  That is exactly what the enemy does to us when we are on the right path following God.  The enemy will use anything to distract us and get us off the path that God has ordained for us and yes, even kick us in the shin to get us down or frustrated so that we give up. 

Once I got to the river, I just held my lemons and reflected on all of the lemons in my life that I need to release.  They were things from the past, sin, false parts of myself, possessions, my plans, and my desires.  I asked God to make me aware of any thing else that may be hidden in my heart that I may not be aware of.  I sat there for a long time.  I wondered if there was a part of me that was waiting to hear from God or was I delaying releasing my lemons that have been weighing me down and holding me back. 

Then God told me to release my lemons by sitting in the water.  I was supposed to release the lemons and then fall back into the water immersing my entire body and head under the water so that He could cleanse me of all of my lemons.  I questioned, but then slowly stepped into the water with my walking shoes and fully clothed.  The water was frigid but once I sat down in the water, it wasn't too bad.  The current was pretty swift and I almost floated down the river.  Then, I released the lemons and took pictures as I did so.  Without hesitation, I fell back into the water and fully immersed my body and head into the water.  It took my breath away!  As soon as I sat up, I looked for my lemons to see where they were in the river.  They were already floating away and at this point, I was still feeling heavy. 

On my walk back to my home, the first thing I was thinking was that I hope no one would drive by and see me walking completely soak and wet in street clothes.  I was cold and shivering, but there was something refreshing about what had just happened.  I was feeling lighter, peace and joy.  The heaviness on my heart was gone.  Then I realized that in fact God did just deliver me from the lemons in my life that has had a stronghold on me keeping me stuck.  No longer are the lemons going to sour my joy, no longer are they going to squeeze my heart with fear, and no longer are they going to prevent me from living out my life purpose and mission that God has orchestrated for me. 

Gail's message was inspired from James 1:2 that says, "Consider it a pure joy my brothers (and sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Then the scripture that God has given me this week that I have been reflecting on is Psalm 40, but specifically verses 7-8 that says,
                                                      "Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
                                                       it is written about me in the scroll.
                                                                               I desire to do your will, my God;
                                                       your law is within my heart.”

Just as my shirt says, I LOVE God.  Yes, God is my Father, my Husband, my Lover, my Provider, my Rock, my Salvation, and my Counselor.  In Him I am all things and can do all things that strengthens me, so yes God, here I am!  I do desire to do your will.   Thanks for helping me to release my lemons.  I am expectant for the new opportunity!