Today I received in the mail a correspondence addressed to me as Reverend LaDawn P. Knicely. When I saw it, it touched me in a deeply emotional and profound way. As I have been in Seminary, I have known that I was going to be in ministry in some capacity, but just not entirely sure what. This correspondence hit me today and was a realization that yes, I am in fact going to be a Pastor in God's timing and by His will. I have just one and half more year to complete which is just hard to believe. This certainly was not in my plans!All I could do after getting this correspondence was just weep, and I felt a deep questioning of how God could use me and why me? I am just a simple country girl from Briery Branch, VA, which is a rural setting west of Dayton, VA toward the George Washington National Forest with the mountain Narrow Back practically in my parent's backyard where I grew up. It was a humbling feeling, but one much deeper that I could not articulate by naming or putting words to it. I guess my tears were releasing something from me that the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf to God.
I felt God nudging and calling me to go to Afton Mountain in Waynesboro, VA. I felt this urgency to go and get there even though I had reading and homework that I wanted to work on this evening. I knew this feeling though and knew that I would be restless until I went. I knew that God must have a message or something to reveal to me on the mountain. As I got to the base of the mountain on Rt. 64, I saw the blinking highway sign that said to "Use Caution, Fog on Mountain." I thought great! Now why would God lead me up here when I can't see or take in His majestic mountain views? I was feeling a bit frustrated and wondering if I had really heard God correctly. As I got to the top of the mountain, it was so foggy that drivers had their hazard lights on, and I missed the turn that takes me out on the Parkway. I am now traveling down Rt. 250 going toward Charlottesville. It is so foggy that each time I get to a place where I could turn around, I come upon it too late to signal that I want to turn around because there are other vehicles behind me. As I get close to the bottom of the mountain on Rt. 250, it is more visible, and I am able to safely turn around.
Once I get turned around, I am now again ascending back up the mountain. I finally come to the turn off and travel slowly through the fog. It is scary because I literally can't see out in front of me, and I am wondering how I will navigate my way back out and not get lost on the mountain. I find the first place to pull off, and I am still wondering why God has brought me here. I can't see anything! So I go ahead and get my blanket, Bible and journal out of my vehicle. I lay the blanket in front of my vehicle and sit down. As I am sitting there, I feel the cool mist of the fog and feel gentle droplets of water upon my face. I instantly become flooded with words and begin to understand why God brought me to the foggy mountain top.
He is calling me and asking me to ascend to a greater height and new dimension mountain top experience. What that means I think is that I must fully and completely surrender my flesh desire of wanting to see and know the outcome of where God is leading me. He is asking me to trust at a deeper level than what I am used too. As waves of fog visibly move past me in a mystical way, he is asking me to be like the mystical fog ascending to the top of the mountain. God is asking me that even though I don't know where I am headed, I can't see borders, or road signs leading and guiding me, He is asking me to keep walking, press forward and moving upward in the dense fog to the top of the mountain.
He showed me as I took the wrong turn and was descending down the mountain where there was less fog that it is easier to travel there because I can see in my own sight, my own comfort and my own control. He is asking me to surrender my sight to Him, release my comfort to Him and release my control to Him. He is asking me to ascend to a new dimension to the top of the mountain even though I can't see anything. He is asking me to trust my everything to Him with a recklessly abandoned faith because this is necessary for the next doors to open where God is leading me. He wants me to rest completely in His will and strength for this timely unfolding recognizing that it all is for God's glory and not mine. He is calling me to have a transcendent faith that goes beyond me and my understanding by fully trusting and believing in God. Just when I think that I have accomplished trust and faith in knowing God's plans for me, He does this to me asking me to go deeper, higher and beyond my own borders. God is revealing to me that there is even more that He wants to reveal to me.
This reminds me of a scripture verse that I was meditating upon this week from Jeremiah 33:3 where it says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know". This is exactly what He is revealing to me letting me know that there are "great and unsearchable things that I do not know" that I am now on a journey to seek and find what that exactly is.
God continues to amaze me in how He reveals Himself and speaks to me. Pray that I will trust and allow Him to move me beyond borders that I never knew existed! I want to experience all that He has for me not missing out on any single detail. I don't want to be standing before Him in heaven with him revealing to me what I could have done in His name, but missed out because I had my own narrow minded goals and agenda. What is ironic, I also had a dream this past week that I was ascending up a mountain not knowing or seeing any borders of where I was headed. God is preparing for something that invigorates me to keep ascending. Amen!
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