My Inability to Chop Wood Humiliated Me: Series Six of Six

From my time up on the mountain, I can't get one incident off my mind.  I was nearly out of chopped wood and there were only big pieces left so I needed to chop up some wood.  My sweet sister in faith left me a maul in case this would happen.

In my younger days, this was nearly an every day occurrence or chore for me at my parent's home.  Little did I know that day with the maul in my hand and the piece of wood so perfectly situated that I was ready to chop some wood, so I thought!  I picked up the maul, swung it around with as much force as I could and hit the right edge of the wood.  To my amazement the maul only made a small dent in the piece of wood and bounced back toward me.  I was in disbelief, but I thought okay I didn't swing hard enough.  So I rared back and swung the maul even harder.  This time I was shocked!  The same thing happened.  So I repeated it again....the same thing!  I thought what is going on?  Could I have really gotten this weak and I can no longer chop wood?  I was humiliated and my ego was crushed!  So as I sulked, I gave up trying to chop wood and walked back into the cabin.  I thought that either the large pieces of wood were going to burn or it was going to be a couple of final cold days for me.  Luckily the wood did burn for me.  Also embarrassing, I found where my sister in faith and her husband had already chopped and stacked wood for me on the front porch that I did not discover until my fourth day at the cabin which is funny now to think about. However, I could not get that incident off my mind and wondered if there was significance or a message that was trying to be conveyed to me.  It certainly was!  That piece of dry wood was exactly like a hardened or lost soul.

I have been on a spiritual quest now for over four years.  I have been praying, fasting, meditating, giving, serving, studying God's word along with many other spiritual disciplines.  It has been an inner process of transformation for me.  What I realized is that piece of wood represented my very soul that used to be hardened, lost and dry.  A hardened, lost or dry soul doesn't have the capability or capacity to receive God's love, grace and forgiveness.  It doesn't matter how much effort you put into these spiritual disciplines if there is still hidden sin and past decay rooted within your spirit and soul.  You can't fully receive God's perfect love and have union with Him with a hardened, lost or dry soul.  So I realized that my time at the cabin was a time to deepen my relationship with God through contemplation by just being present with God without asking, praying or requesting anything from Him.  I was being present for Him to have His way with the inner workings of my soul.  That stirring and stripping was taking me to a place of nothingness.  In my nothingness He could then purge, purify and transform my spirit and soul.  He was preparing me to receive His perfect love.

You see if you don't open yourself up to this process, everything you do is like working and swinging the maul as hard as you can, but it never gets the job done of splitting the wood to the core.  If you are not open and ready for this process it is like swinging a maul as hard as you can to have it only hit the wood and bounce back off of it making only a dent in the wood. 

I was finally at a stuck place realizing I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't seeing any growth or progress from all of my efforts.  So I had to open myself up both heart and soul in order to allow God's inner soul and spirit to work within me that would prepare me to receive this overflowing, intimate, pure, unfailing, and unending love for me.  None of that was in my efforts.  It was God's work.  It was the most exhilarating feeling that I have ever felt in my entire life.  I can't even begin to explain it and even after experiencing it, I still can't comprehend fully what I experienced other than to say, I want more of it from the One and only True Lover of My Soul, God.  I know He will never abandon, deceive or fail  me.  This I know is true as God has continued to be faithful to me on this journey with Him thus far. 

I will never forget this humiliating experience of my inability to chop the wood, but again it is the perfect place to encounter God in my weakness, nothingness and humiliation.  It is always at that place where God reveals a life lesson to me in how everyday He is refining me in His image!  I am so grateful for His patience, gentleness, grace and love for me in all of my weaknesses and imperfections.

If you feel stuck or stale in your relationship with God, go out and try to chop some wood to see if your soul is hardened, lost or dry.  No seriously, find a place to seek and encounter God one on one and invite Him into your heart and soul allowing Him to have His way in your inner most depths.  It will be the most exhilarating and intimate experiences you will ever have.  Once you experience it, you will spend more solitude time with God wanting to experience more.