One Minute With God

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If you don't meditate, I would encourage you to do so by beginning this week for just one minute each day.  Each week then continue to increase your time until you can have at least 15 minutes a day with God being present with no distractions.

This morning I had the most intimate experience with God.  I felt Him holding my aching, sorrowful heart that radiated warmth and peace throughout my entire body.  I envisioned His hands lovingly holding my heart.  It was such a peaceful feeling that I no longer noticed my aching heart.  I did not want to get up and leave this space.  I am usually at this place with God for about 30 minutes or so, and I have had some instances where I have been at this place for nearly two hours. 

As you experience God this way in these moments, you continue to come back for more wondering how you might experience God in the new day.  What amazes me is that while I am spending this one on one time with God, I have no consciousness of time.  What I have learned is that when I start my day in meditation with God, my day has order, my day works more effortlessly, I carry a peace with me throughout the day no matter what I am faced with, and others also feel and experience this peace.  No matter how much time I spend with God each day, it always feels like I have gained hours in the day and I am just more relaxed. 

My time of meditation with God is quieting me internally which is opening up a space for God to reside.  My aim each day is to create so much space within me that God is the only one that  has residence within me that gives me this feeling of balance, equanimity, and non-dualistic thoughts that gives me this peace and harmony.  That is what it means to be in union and one with God!  It begins with being intentional to spend time with God in meditation.

I encourage you to be still, and learn God's voice, touch, and whispers.  When you still yourself, you are able to discern God's voice from all of the other chattering voices.  This is the entry way to obtaining God's wisdom.  Psalm 1:2-3 says, "but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and who meditates on his law day and night.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers."  Sounds like to me this is a promise that if we meditate with God and in His word, He will guide our way in life enriching ways.  It begins with one minute a day!  You will be glad you started!  Let me know how it goes and how it has affected your life.  Hope to hear from you :)  In peace. 

Who Is This God That Gives & Takes Away Whom is Calling Me to Serve Him?

Oh God, as you know, my heart aches and I am full of sorrow.  I keep asking, "Who is this God that gives and takes away and is asking me to serve Him?"  God you know how hard it is for me to make myself vulnerable to attach to relationships or beloved pets, but when I finally do, it seems like you strip or take them away from me.  Just when I feel I have nothing else to give or be taken, you reveal to me otherwise. 

God as you know, the latest news I got on Monday is that my beagle, Ginger, of six years who has been my companion and buddy during  major life transitions for me was diagnosed with Stage III Lymphoma in most of her lymph nodes.  There is nothing that can be done except to make her comfortable with steroids.  I will eventually have to make a decision to put her to sleep when the medicine no longer keeps her comfortable.

Ginger has been my walking buddy, she has meditated with me often on the Discipleship Hill  and has given me company while I'm studying and reading sitting at my feet faithfully. The news of Ginger's cancer crushed my heart God and actually made me angry at you.  I was questioning who You are.  She is only six, in good physical condition and I understand this is not common among beagles.  In such a short period of time I have surrendered and lost so much.  I don't understand for what or why?  All I could do Monday evening is cry which prevented me from sleeping. 

During my time of meditation I have been reflecting on Psalm 103 for a week to see what You would speak to me.  I must admit, Monday night I didn't want to read it or much less give You praise as the Psalm indicates.  I read it aloud anyway, crying the entire way through taking needed breaks in between.  I eventually fell asleep.

Tuesday morning as soon as I awakened, I again started questioning and asking, "Who is this God?"  I decided to go to my front window where I often get beautiful sunrises against the backdrop of Massanutten Peak.  The sky was nothing spectacular, but in the tree in front of my house were two red headed wood peckers.  I began to cry uncontrollably because at my previous house, I had four red headed wood peckers that showed up last December that I had never seen before in my seven years that I was at that home.  They stayed with me until I moved in July of this year.  The new owners have not seen them since they have moved in.

Now unexpectantly, or probably timely, these two red headed wood peckers show up when I need to see You God.  The same message that you gave me last December was exactly what I needed to hear this week as I was questioning You.  I never thought I would see any red headed wood peckers in the city and synchronistically they appear!

As I have spent more intentional time with Ginger, I have continued to question and ask, "Who this God is that is asking me to serve Him."  God revealed to me that He is not the one that causes evil, diseases, sin or despair.  That is all of the enemy because of this fallen world that we live in.  God has reassured me that He has overcome the world though.  God revealed some amazing realizations to me in my questioning Him.  God has shown me that He is at the Center of everything no matter what I am experiencing or going through, but often I can't see or comprehend what is happening because I lose my focus of Him which is at the Center of me.  God revealed to me that He has no boundaries, and He is asking me to trust and believe in Him and His timing in all things.

Through Ginger's diagnosis and me being able to see into and feel her soul, God has revealed to me some life lessons this past week.  Even though Ginger is sick, she still wags her tail when I talk to her, when it's time to eat or when I ask if she wants to take a walk.  Despite her cancer, she is still showing joy in the small details of her life experiences.  While walking her the other evening, she even still had strength enough to pull on me when she saw a cat that she wanted to chase.  Always on our walks, she always wants to stop along the way to smell the fire hydrants, the lamp posts or bushes.  I guess you could say she is "stopping to smell the roses"  even though her time is limited.  She has also revealed to me that it is okay to rest and take naps when you are tired.  She is sleeping more often now, but when she is awake, she is fully alive and full of joy.  And oh, the belly rubs!  She has no problem rolling over asking for her belly to be rubbed.  Also when we get done with our walks and we are meditating, she rolls on her back through the grass with her legs straight up in the air as she is scooting along looking pretty silly.  I always laugh at her because it is pretty funny!

What Ginger has taught me is that life is too short!  Enjoy each moment in the present - not looking into the past, nor the future.  Enjoy the journey that is before me, but take time to "smell the roses".  It is not about the destination, but how I travel along the path of the journey that has been laid our for me.  Rest often in the presence of God.  Whatever I do, do it joyfully and it is okay to get on my back and roll around like a fool if that is what I feel inclined to do.  It doesn't matter what others think or may say about me.  The most important thing is to be true to myself and to love others unconditionally just as Ginger has done with me. 

God I thank you for allowing me to question you.  I thank you for opening my eyes further to how infinite you are without borders and no circumference.  I thank you that you are at the very Center of my being participating in my journey and experiences with me.  You do feel and know my feelings, thoughts and emotions.  God I pray that you will continue to pierce my soul and take me deeper in my intimate relationship with You.  As Psalm 103 opens and closes, "Praise the Lord, O my soul, Praise the Lord, O my soul." 

I can't even begin to understand all of your benefits, but it is through life experiences, trials, hurts, pain, despair, loss, grace, mercy, suffering and love that You continue to increase my spiritual sight, you empty myself of me, you show me how to love unconditionally, you show me how to forgive, you show me how not to judge, you give me grace so that I can give others grace, and you give me a well of compassion that can't be contained for others, nature and Your beloved animals.  God you have given me such a gift in emptying me out of myself so that I can be Your hollowed out vessel to serve and love others until the end altruistically sharing what You have done for me giving you all the glory!

I confidently and loudly say, "Praise the Lord, O My Soul, Praise the Lord, O My Soul."  Amen!

God Calling Me to Ascend Afton Mountain: What I Wasn't Expecting

Today I received in the mail a correspondence addressed to me as Reverend LaDawn P. Knicely.  When I saw it, it touched me in a deeply emotional and profound way.  As I have been in Seminary, I have known that I was going to be in ministry in some capacity, but just not entirely sure what.  This correspondence hit me today and was a realization that yes, I am in fact going to be a Pastor in God's timing and by His will.  I have just one and half more year to complete which is just hard to believe.  This certainly was not in my plans!

All I could do after getting this correspondence was just weep, and I felt a deep questioning of how God could use me and why me?  I am just a simple country girl from Briery Branch, VA, which is a rural setting west of Dayton, VA toward the George Washington National Forest with the mountain Narrow Back practically in my parent's backyard where I grew up.  It was a humbling feeling, but one much deeper that I could not articulate by naming or putting words to it.  I guess my tears were releasing something from me that the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf to God. 

I felt God nudging and calling me to go to Afton Mountain in Waynesboro, VA.  I felt this urgency to go and get there even though I had reading and homework that I wanted to work on this evening.  I knew this feeling though and knew that I would be restless until I went.  I knew that God must have a message or something to reveal to me on the mountain. 

As I got to the base of the mountain on Rt. 64, I saw the blinking highway sign that said to "Use Caution, Fog on Mountain."  I thought great!  Now why would God lead me up here when I can't see or take in His majestic mountain views?  I was feeling a bit frustrated and wondering if I had really heard God correctly.  As I got to the top of the mountain, it was so foggy that drivers had their hazard lights on, and I missed the turn that takes me out on the Parkway.  I am now traveling down Rt. 250 going toward Charlottesville.  It is so foggy that each time I get to a place where I could turn around, I come upon it too late to signal that I want to turn around because there are other vehicles behind me.    As I get close to the bottom of the mountain on Rt. 250, it is more visible, and I am able to safely turn around.

Once I get turned around, I am now again ascending back up the mountain.  I finally come to the turn off and travel slowly through the fog.  It is scary because I literally can't see out in front of me, and I am wondering how I will navigate my way back out and not get lost on the mountain.   I find the first place to pull off, and I am still wondering why God has brought me here.  I can't see anything!  So I go ahead and get my blanket, Bible and journal out of my vehicle.  I lay the blanket in front of my vehicle and sit down.  As I am sitting there, I feel the cool mist of the fog and feel gentle droplets of water upon my face.  I instantly become flooded with words and begin to understand why God brought me to the foggy mountain top. 

He is calling me and asking me to ascend to a greater height and new dimension mountain top experience.  What that means I think is that I must fully and completely surrender my flesh desire of wanting to see and know the outcome of where God is leading me.  He is asking me to trust at a deeper level than what I am used too.  As waves of fog visibly move past me in a mystical way, he is asking me to be like the mystical fog ascending to the top of the mountain.  God is asking me that even though I don't know where I am headed, I can't see borders, or road signs leading and guiding me, He is asking me to keep walking, press forward and moving upward in the dense fog to the top of the mountain.

He showed me as I took the wrong turn and was descending down the mountain where there was less fog that it is easier to travel there because I can see in my own sight, my own comfort and my own control.  He is asking me to surrender my sight to Him, release my comfort to Him and release my control to Him.  He is asking me to ascend to a new dimension to the top of the mountain even though I can't see anything.  He is asking me to trust my everything to Him with a recklessly abandoned faith because this is necessary for the next doors to open where God is leading me.  He wants me to rest completely in His will and strength for this timely unfolding recognizing that it all is for God's glory and not mine.  He is calling me to have a transcendent faith that goes beyond me and my understanding by fully trusting and believing in God.  Just when I think that I have accomplished trust and faith in knowing God's plans for me, He does this to me asking me to go deeper, higher and beyond my own borders.  God is revealing to me that there is even more that He wants to reveal to me.

This reminds me of a scripture verse that I was meditating upon this week from Jeremiah 33:3 where it says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know".  This is exactly what He is revealing to me letting me know that there are "great and unsearchable things that I do not know" that I am now on a journey to seek and find what that exactly is.  

God continues to amaze me in how He reveals Himself and speaks to me.  Pray that I will trust and allow Him to move me beyond borders that I never knew existed!  I want to experience all that He has for me not missing out on any single detail.  I don't want to be standing before Him in heaven with him revealing to me what I could have done in His name, but missed out because I had my own narrow minded goals and agenda.  What is ironic, I also had a dream this past week that I was ascending up a mountain not knowing or seeing any borders of where I was headed.  God is preparing for something that invigorates me to keep ascending.  Amen!  

Oh My Love for the Spirit of the Gingko Tree and What It Means to Me!

This week as I was walking across the campus of Eastern Mennonite University, I found a Gingko Tree leaf on my path.  Gingko Trees are not that common in the area.  They are very symbolic to me however.  At my previous home in Ottobine, I had two Gingko Trees in my yard.  One was at my back entrance door and the other was at my dining room window where I would often sit and meditate watching two squirrels eat and play while four red-headed wooded peckers would visit which was also very symbolic to me.

Gingko Trees are believed to be the oldest tree on Earth and "an example of the oldest living fossil" of a little over 200 million years originating from China.  The leaves of the Gingko tree are so distinct in that they are fan shaped.  What I love about its appearance is that the trees stand so perfectly straight with these elegant leaves that hang without imperfections.  Because of the odor of the Gingko Tree, pests are unlikely to damage the tree.  During the summer their leaves are a beautiful green and in the fall they all turn a golden yellow.  At the first hard frost all of the leaves will synchronistically fall at the same time dropping like random rain drops creating their own melody of mother natures song. 

So what is my love and significance of the Gingko Tree?  What does the Gingko Tree speak to me?  It is a tough tree known for its resiliency.  In fact, they have been known to reach over 3,500 years old.  In 1945 when the Hiroshima atom bomb was dropped, everything was destroyed except for four Gingko Trees!  Today these trees are still living and are known as "The Bearers of Hope". 

To me the Gingko tree represents the closest living tangible symbolism of God that is over 200 million years old.  It is a sacred tree to me that represents a tree of life that offers healing with its medicinal capabilities, hope because of its tough and resilient nature, spirit of humanity because of its male and female sexes, and individuality, but one of inclusiveness because of its uniqueness that we are all sharing this Earth together that are interconnected not only by our souls and Heavenly Father, but with mother nature as well.

I wonder what would happen if we all developed a spirit of the Gingko Tree?  It is a unique, inclusive species that embraces our individuality, but more importantly recognizes the spirit that is within each of us connecting us.  What would our possibilities and capabilities be expanded too?  Is this God's message from the Gingko Tree that He has placed here on Earth for us to see and hear from the Gingko Tree?  Is the Gingko Tree to be our example for all of humanity to stand together as one of healing instead of hurting, hope instead of despair, resiliency instead of destruction?

Oh how I love the spirit of the Gingko Tree and what is represents to me of my hope and love for humanity!  Amen.

(The illustration is from my journal on April 28, 2012 of the Gingko Tree that was at my Ottobine home looking out my dining room window where I meditated often.  Of how I miss that view!)







Deafening Silence & Stillness Experiencing God's Peace

I awakened today recognizing something different within myself.  Something had shifted for me that I can't put words too.  When I awoke, I was praising God unconsciously.  I can't recall or remember any dreams that I had either, but also had the sense and feeling that I was praising God all night long through my sleep.  I know how bizarre that sounds.

During my time of morning meditation and prayer, it was also different.  There was a deafening silence and stillness that I am experiencing that is new for me.  By deafening, I mean there are no chattering voices of inferior thoughts, no demanding voices of my attention or voices driving me to do more because its never enough.  Now it is one of inner calm, peace and harmony.  I wonder if this is the integration and union of the Divine that gives us peace, joy, love and hope that is on earth like it is in heaven as described in The Lord's Prayer?

Today at my church, Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren, I was the worship leader. I felt a sense of peace and at home in doing so.  My pastor, Glenn Bollinger, spoke on the passage Psalm 100:1-5.  He asked the question, "What does God want?"  From the passage, Glenn reflected that God wants us to praise and worship Him.  In doing so, He asks us to find gladness within ourselves and to worship the Lord with gladness.  Secondly, Glenn said that we must find a place for joyful songs, our songs whatever that may be or look like to worship the Lord.  Thirdly, Glenn shared that we must find a place for truth within us but also theologically.  We must recognized that we belong to the Lord and we are not our own.  Finally, Glenn said that we must find a place of thanksgiving.  He said we should worship God for who He is because God is Lord and has lavished us with His grace.  It was such a positive and inspirational message of how we should praise and worship God.  Because God is Lord of all, He is also good.  So in the midst of our trials, circumstances or pain we may forget to praise and worship God through it all.  He is good and He knows what we need when we don't.

After worship, the congregation shared in a carry-in meal followed by a congregational business meeting.  About three quarters of the way through the meeting, I felt God calling me out to the river of Beaver Creek.  I acknowledged that nudge and left the meeting.  As soon as I pulled up to the river and parked, I became emotional and started to weep, but I am not sure what I was weeping about.  I sat in the very same place where God spoke to me and directed my steps over the summer while writing in  my journal. 

As I was sitting there, a Holstein cow visited me and was very curiously watching me from a distance.  The cow must have felt comfortable though because it continued to graze, it walked out into the water and even went to a fallen down tree to scratch its back leisurely.

I just kept asking myself what is it about this place:  the river and the water where God continues to lead me too?  The emotion is deep and overwhelming that I can't even begin to describe with words.  Is it possibly humility, humbleness, gratefulness, praise, a lament, or something that God is about to reveal to me that is coming forth?  I simply do not know.  I can only trust, believe and rest in God's  care and timing to reveal this to me in His perfect timing and not mine.  I must be comfortable to sit in His mysterious ways and the ambiguity.

Maybe the lesson for the journey is for me to live with even more abandonment allowing God to fully lead and direct each step and decision.  In the meantime, He is asking me to be full of gladness, to sing Him a joyful song, let it be the truth all with thanksgiving. 

My heart fills enlarged with a radiating warmth and one of peace.  He is reminding me at the river that His living water flows in, through and out of me always that only He can give.  I am so grateful!  Praise God!    Amen!

River Reflections from God

Oh God, I have been cleaning house on this Saturday rainy morning.  As you know I have been struggling with intense emotional warfare for the past three weeks to the point of internally feeling sick and knowing that my soul is groaning for what I do not even know!  Thursday evening as I laid on my bedroom floor wailing and crying out to You wondering when You are going to move and deliver me from this anguish, I was angry at You and wondering why You haven't let me hear or know Your presence for the past three weeks in the manner that I am accustomed to experiencing You.  I wondered if You too had abandoned and rejected me!  I asked You what else do You want to take from me?  I have nothing else left to give You.  You have stripped me of everything that was important to me that I loved.  Yes You even stripped me of myself and I even gave You my heart.  It seems that I have been going through the fire for a very long season and I wonder when I will see a breakthrough to answered prayers or some movement.

Then yesterday, Friday, I was between appointments and had about 40 minutes to spare and I felt like You were calling me to the river at Port Republic.  It was not an ideal day to go to the river to reflect because it was rainy and cold, but I went anyway.  I was there for a long time and nothing came.  I thought again, another time of empty reflections, no answers or messages.  I wanted to leave because I was so cold and wasn't experiencing anything, but something was not allowing me to leave.  I stood at the edge of the river and kept looking at how the river came together and parted in three ways:  maybe representing where I have been, maybe where I am at currently and possibly where I may be going?  What was interesting where the river was flowing too, it forked going two possible ways.  However at the one fork, it was completely obstructed and blocked with tress, broken limbs and debris so the only way to get by was to take the other fork in the river which was a very narrow path.  There I believe is my answer that I am to continue on the narrow path and not keep trying to force or move to the one that has been obstructed possibly for my own protection.  I've been waiting for a long time for a door to open so that I can move into this new direction, but nothing has happened.  Am I supposed to get into the water and say "Yes" to the narrow path? 

Shortly before I was getting ready to leave a hawk flew over me that kept circling above me.  I followed it and it eventually ended up in a wooded area where I could hear the hawk calling out.  I think God was using the hawk to call me out into the water and to say "Yes" to His calling upon my life and to stop resisting or wanting things my way.  It reminded me that I need to stay focused on the vision that God has placed on my heart for a ministry and not be distracted by the impermanent things of this world.

Where I was standing, there were empty freshwater shells everywhere revealing to me that everything dead within me has been purified by emptying my soul of past hurts and sin that will allow me to walk out into the water into a new spiritual realm.  This will allow me to do God's work effortlessly.

Right before I left, I looked up across the river and saw a crane standing beside the water that I had not seen previously.  It was like it mystically appeared.  The crane was also a message from God revealing to me that there is FREEDOM getting into the water and this is where I can find hope, peace and healing.  God reveals that to us in Matthew 6:10 in the Lord's Prayer where it says, "your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  This is what God wants to give all of us....FREEDOM in Him and only Him! 

Will you get in the water with me?  Now I want to go back to the river and canoe down the narrow path and see what else God may reveal to me.  I also want to honor God by going down the river letting Him know that I am saying "Yes" to this next narrow path where He is leading me into another spiritual realm living out this calling that He has placed upon my heart.

I am wondering if you will do this with me????  Any takers????  The more the merrier...I would love to be surrounded by fellow believers and supporters on this new river journey where God is taking me. 

Praying Mantis, New Flight, New Heights!

For the past couple of weeks, I have been seeking and praying to hear from God.  Since the sell of my home and move, God went silent on me which I was not expecting.  When God was having me surrender all, He revealed to me that it was necessary for the next door to open for this vision that he placed on my heart.  Silence was the last thing that I was expecting from Him. 

In the meantime, I have continued to meditate, pray, walk, run, and reflect on what all of this means.  I must admit, it has created an unsettled feeling within me wondering why now the silence.  I have even stopped dreaming during this period which has never happened to me in the past 4 years that I have been journaling. 

My time of prayer and meditation has definitely been different during this season and time.  I have experienced God and the Holy Spirit in a new way. Instead of me hearing from Him, I am feeling and having a body felt sense experience with Him which has been amazing.  On the morning of September 17th as I was meditating, my heart was beating strongly against my chest cavity wall as I was breathing in deeply.  My heart felt so warm, so secure and like God was actually holding and protecting it.  It was such a surreal feeling that I did not want to get up from my meditation posture.  I actually became emotional because it was such a sacred and sensual feeling.  It definitely was a divine, intimate exchange where I experienced God so close.  I have also noticed God at the center of all of my relationships and interactions with others where I will begin to tremble internally knowing that God is present in the moment. 

There is a part of me though that is wondering.  I am wondering why God has went silent and is being present in a body felt sense way with me.  I definitely appreciate the intimate encounters with God, but there is a part of me that is wanting to hear answered prayers and revelations from God.  What possibly could He be doing during this time within me? 

God has also revealed His presence to me in other ways as well.  I am seeing and receiving messages from Him through nature and synchronistic events that are happening around me giving me affirmations of His presence.  Within the past week, I have randomly found five bird feathers on my path in various places.  As I have held, breathed and meditated with the feathers, God revealed that this is a message of taking me to a higher realm of the unknown and that I am continuing on the right path. 

During this time period, I have also had four different praying mantis encounters.  One morning one was clinging to the front of my door.  Another morning I awakened to one on my bedroom window and last evening on my break from class, I walked outside and there it was on the sidewalk.  I thought this is definitely a symbolic message that I need to pay attention too.  I searched on the internet and discovered that mantis is a Greek word that means prophet.  So I drew the praying mantis in my journal and meditated with it to see what the prophet may reveal to me.  And then, I heard from God!  The silence was broken and this is what He revealed to me.

Beautiful One,
I am calling you out into heights of the unknown.  You continue to cling to what you know, what you want and what you desire.  Do you not trust Me?  Release all of your fears, doubts and questions to Me and Let Go!  I need all of the obstacles removed and decluttered so that I can move you into the next realm of possibilities.  I have sent random bird feathers along your path to give you affirmations that you are on the right path.  I want to open you up beyond boundaries you never thought possible.  I sent the praying mantis so that it could be praying for you helping to intercede for you against the spiritual warfare you are experiencing.  Beautiful One, the feathers and praying mantis are reminders that I am with you reminding you of your purpose and meaning for My kingdom.  Feathers are light, free from burdens and obstacles where they can help you to take flight to heights beyond your comprehension.  The feather is your direct access to the next door that you must walk through.  Beautiful One, I am taking you on an honoring flight where there is much energy and a new awakening taking place.  Use the feather as your guide to carry you to the great unknown realms knowing that there are prayer "mantis" warriors and angels surrounding you and interceding for you. 

Continue to pray allowing the mantis and feathers to be your guide.  You are headed to a new realm!