He is the Beginning & the End: I Must Trust & Believe!

Early this morning we went to the Dome of the Rock and viewed the Holy Land that creates so much conflict and tension between the Jews, Muslims & Christians.  I was in awe of this place but with mixed feelings and emotions.  This is the holy ground where there should be so much honor and reverence for others but it has actually created division among people. 

Next we went to the Western Wall and since it was Thursday, there were many bar mitzvah celebrations taking place.  It was crowded at the Wall, but we did make our way to it to say prayers with men on the larger side and the women on the other side.  Around this area we were able to stand on the Southern Steps where Jesus would have spent much time preaching and teaching.  From the Southern Steps you could look up and see the Mount of Olives.  We walked on actual streets below the current grade and visualized where stores would have been along the streets.  These excavations were from the Herodian period.  We were told that some of the massive stones could weigh as much as two and a half tons.  It was hard for me to conceptualize during that period how much labor it would take to place those stones with out modern technology.  From there we went to the Israel museum where we were able to see the Dead Sea Scrolls.  What was also helpful was a model of the City of Jerusalem with surrounding tribes in relation to the Temple. 

My favorite visit of he day was at St. Peters Cathedral in Gallicantu.  Under the cathedral was a prisoners cave where Jesus probably spent one night before his crucifixion.  The original steps of where Jesus would have been led from are still there, but protected from tourists walking on them because people were chipping off pieces from the stone steps as souvenirs.  I reflected on the reading of Psalm 88 thinking of Jesus in the dark prison pit and how lonely and weak he must have felt.  He was afflicted by others and knew that he was nearing his death.  This scripture deeply pierced my soul because I too have felt this place with in my inner depths.  As I am hearing God calling me into ministry it is challenging me creating conflict between spirit and flesh were I often feel alone, weak and grieving losses.

The sprcific scriptures that spoke to me were:  Psalm 88:8-9 & Psalm 88:18.  "You have taken from me my closest friends and made me repulsive to them.  I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief."  Psalm 88:18 "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend."

I sat outside the cathedral and meditated in the garden by the steps that Jesus would have walked down.  I meditated on the scripture reading from Matthew 26:75 "Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken.  Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.  And he went outside and wept bitterly."

I too began to weep because I could personally relate to Peter where I have often questioned and doubted my faith and have failed in my personal life.  What I heard during this time of meditation from God was that "I am with you and have always been with you.  In all of this, I am strengthening your faith.  I am moving in your midst even though you can't see or understand what I am doing.  I see your heart and count your tears.  Trust and believe in my plan."

I was thankful for these words and Peter's testimony that he too, Jesus' best friend, also struggled with his faith and shortcomings.  While I was there sitting in meditation, guess what I heard?  I heard a rooster crow!  It crowed 10 times during that duration.  Yes 10 times.  He is the beginning and the end.  I must trust and believe!